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Posted by: Wally Prince ( )
Date: March 13, 2019 12:42AM

I have no use for them anymore. If there is an afterlife, I'm going to the section that doesn't use the tokens.

But what can you get here on terra firma for a used Mormon temple handshake? Is there still a market for the tokens? When I went through the temple, I got the impression that I would have to spend my life chasing away people trying to buy my temple handshakes.

One friend told me that I could get a MacDonald's happy meal for 1 Mormon handshake and $5.00 or a cup of coffee at Starbucks for 1 Mormon handshake and $2.50.

But all I have in my pocket right now is $3.00 . What can you get with a Mormon handshake and $3.00?

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Posted by: babyloncansuckit ( )
Date: March 13, 2019 12:58AM

If you go to Chuck E Cheese, your tokens will be worth about as much as a 5 year old would pull down playing Whack-a-Mole.

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Posted by: Wally Prince ( )
Date: March 13, 2019 02:16AM

at Chuck E. Cheese, the weird grips could lead to awkward misunderstandings and possibly legal complications.

But if I can find someone willing to pay a good price, I'll sell them (including accompanying name and sign).

When I was in the temple I witnessed this conversation:
++++++++++++++++++++++++++

LUCIFER: Have you any money?

PETER: We have sufficient for our needs.

LUCIFER: You can buy anything in this world for money.

PETER: Do you sell your tokens or signs for money? You have them, I presume.

ADAM: I have them, but I do not sell them for money. I hold them sacred. I am looking for the further light and knowledge Father promised to send me.

PETER: That is right. We commend you for your integrity. Good day. We shall probably visit you again.

+++++++++++++++++++

That's what made me think that the tokens could easily be liquidated -- turned into good cash or otherwise exchanged for things of value.

But I'm starting to give up on the idea. Tried to sell one token (with accompanying name and sign) to a guy standing next to a dumpster in an alley. But when I started pressing his hand between my thumb and middle finger, he pulled away and threated physical violence. So I had to conclude that I wasn't going to get any cash from him for that token.

When I think of all the tithing I paid to get those tokens... Should have invested it in bitcoin instead.

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Posted by: babyloncansuckit ( )
Date: March 13, 2019 03:53AM

ADAM: They preach of a God who is without body, parts, or passions; who is so large that he fills the universe, and yet is so small that he can dwell in your heart; and of a hell, without a bottom, where the wicked are continually burned but are never consumed. To me, it is a mass of confusion.

PETER: We do not wonder that you cannot comprehend such doctrine. Have you any tokens or signs?

LUCIFER: [Interjecting.] Do you have any money?

PETER: We have sufficient for our needs.

So, Peter offers a completely literal view of God in one sentence and a metaphorical view of money (how would Adam even know what money is?) in the next. Typical Mormon mindscrew.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/13/2019 03:56AM by babyloncansuckit.

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Posted by: NormaRae ( )
Date: March 14, 2019 06:08PM

God, do you remember sitting in your clown costume and listening to that gobbledeegook for the first time? Then pantomiming our own violent demise while swearing that's what we'd do fer reals if we were ever asked to reveal the super secret tokens.

Am I the only one who was sitting there thinking, "no, I know I would never suffer my life to be taken before I'd reveal those stupid handshakes. Oh noooo, here I go swearing that I would and almightygawd can read my mind and he knows I'm lying. What am I to do. Ok, Ok, pretend. Yes, I would, yes, I would, yes, I would. Do you hear me God? Yes, I'll die for your handshakes. Oh, damn, no I won't. I'm gonna go to hell..."

The stupid shit we used to have to fret about. Russ and the boys must laugh all the way to the bank that their brainwashed minions fall for that.

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Posted by: kathleen ( )
Date: March 13, 2019 02:12AM

Have you called Pickers?

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Posted by: Wally Prince ( )
Date: March 13, 2019 02:20AM

But I understand they're savvy negotiators. I would guess they would want me to throw in my one-piece nylon temple garments for free. But I'm still getting a lot of good use out of them as squirrel and kitten parachutes. The squirrels and kittens in my neighborhood would probably never forgive me if I got rid of the parachutes.

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Posted by: CrispingPin ( )
Date: March 13, 2019 09:09AM

Several years ago, I listed my signs and tokens on EBay, but I didn’t get any bids. I probably set the reserve too high (25 cents), plus I didn’t know what to charge for shipping.

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Posted by: Rubicon ( )
Date: March 13, 2019 10:38AM

If I could sell my tokens and break even on what I gave to the church over the years I would be happy.

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Posted by: Dave the Atheist ( )
Date: March 13, 2019 10:39AM

I will gladly pay you tuesday for a token today.

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Posted by: Shinehah ( )
Date: March 13, 2019 11:05AM

If you can find someone foolish enough to give you marijuana for your token then you could do some tokin'

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Posted by: Elder Berry ( )
Date: March 13, 2019 11:26AM

I've got a Shiblon, equal to, half a Senine, or Senum if you are interested.

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Posted by: elderpopejoy ( )
Date: March 14, 2019 07:40PM

Elder Berry Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I've got a Shiblon, equal to, half a Senine, or
> Senum if you are interested.

At last an Elder is dealing in serious stuff. Show us that genuine silver and gold money anciently coined in the jungles by Nephites!

All the promotion of Temple-skit "tokens and signs" for trade leaves us cold.

We are most interested. Send them Shiblons and Shums along.

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Posted by: dogblogger ( )
Date: March 13, 2019 01:16PM

Wait, didn't the church sell you those tokens for money?

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Posted by: Elder Berry ( )
Date: March 13, 2019 01:39PM

So true. I love it. What a most obvious scam. You have to pay money to be worthy to go watch a film portraying selling religious things for money is of The Devil...

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Posted by: dogblogger ( )
Date: March 13, 2019 02:44PM

The church loves non-compete and non-disclosure agreements.

Where else have I seen that recently?

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Posted by: Elder Berry ( )
Date: March 14, 2019 12:45PM

dogblogger Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Where else have I seen that recently?

I don't know where?

Intellectual Reserve tried to trademark the word "Mormon." Now where was the revelation in that?

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Posted by: snowball ( )
Date: March 14, 2019 01:02PM

I don't know. When I resigned, I was hoping to get enough from mine to retire on--but that never panned out ;)

The whole thing with money in the temple ceremony is weird. It was one of the first weird things that stood out to me.

If Adam and Eve are the only people on the earth--what the name of Kolob are they supposed to do with the money Satan is tempting them with? I guess you could say the whole endowment is representative of each of us as Adam and Eve, but still...It's not like Adam needs a gold star for not selling his tokens.

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Posted by: Elder Berry ( )
Date: March 18, 2019 02:36PM

The fruit of their tree is money and it is most desirable...

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Posted by: kathleen ( )
Date: March 15, 2019 12:13AM

You could leave them to your children. If they live in California, there is not inheritance tax to worry about.

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Posted by: Hervey Willets ( )
Date: March 18, 2019 11:38PM

Regr-etsy.com

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Posted by: Eastbourne ( )
Date: March 19, 2019 01:08AM

Joseph Smith tried to sell something more valuable than signs and tokens: The copyright to the Book Of Mormon, which contained the fullness of the gospel. Oh, how I wish he would have succeeded.

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Posted by: Wally Prince ( )
Date: March 19, 2019 01:36AM

I think Joseph Smith tacitly admitted that it was all a fraud and not from God.

Just imagine if he had succeeded in selling the copyright. The purchaser of the copyright would have been anyone with enough money to pay the asking price.

Apparently, the idea (according to Joe's "revelation") was to sell the rights with regard to Canada as a whole, meaning that the new owner would have exclusive rights in Canada. The new owner therefore would have been able to alter the Book of Mormon in whatever way they wanted. They could have added pornographic parts. They could have played around with the "doctrines" supposedly taught in various books and chapters of the BoM. And they could sue anyone who tried to bring or sell the original BoM in Canada.

None of that is consistent with the idea that the BoM is a "second testament of Jesus Christ" that was brought forth through miraculous events and the direct assistance of an angel sent by God.

But Mopologists will say, "yeah, but, money was tight and Joe, Dave, Ollie and the guys were desperate for cash."

That line of thinking always leaves me amazed at the stupidity of it all. I mean, if God can put several hundred thousand dollars worth of golden plates into Joe's hands long enough for Joe to hide them under a cloth in a dark corner while he got the translation from his pet rock, why couldn't God have included a few gold coins in the deal? Joe could have hidden them under the floor boards or kept them safe and sound in a little pocket in his underwear. Why would God go to all that trouble to bring forth the Book of Mormon, but then completely ignore the most basic practical necessities to the point that Joe had no choice but to sell the copyright? Makes about as much sense as putting a Pizza Hut and Krispy Kreme donut shop in the cafeteria of a weight-loss clinic.

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Posted by: Eastbourne ( )
Date: March 19, 2019 10:50PM

Wally, what a comprehensive and right-on analysis of Little Joe's desperate and pathetic attempt to sell the Lord's restored gospel! Like you, I concluded that this attempted sale was Smith's confession that his book was authored - not translated. The BoM was the world's first comic book.

I think you should legally change your name to William Shakespear II. Great writing.

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Posted by: Wally Prince ( )
Date: March 19, 2019 11:34PM

But there was a mix-up caused by the low-budget lawyer I hired to handle the matter and I ended up with my court-sanctioned new name being "Willy B. Sharkspear." ;o)

Got rid of the lawyer, but kept the name.

So if you see a book of plays and sonnets coming out under the name Willy B. Sharkspear in the near future, you'll know who it is.

Some samples of some profundity profound all to be found in new Sharkspearian literature soon to be published:

"2B or not 2B, that is the conundrum. Whether 'tis better to use a soft graphite instrument to scribble sweet nothings... or, in a rage and fury quick, to say '2H with it all' and fashion a sharp pointy stick."

"Methinks there something rotten in that City of the Salty Lake, whence cometh 'rev'lations' most fake, all uttered by men in suits bespoke...and soft silken ties...all the better to command alms from the poor and the broke, bedazzled by lies."

(Ian McKellen and Patrick Stewart are begging me to let them do the "Books on Tape" editions. But I'm holding out for someone better.)

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Posted by: perky ( )
Date: March 19, 2019 04:37PM

How dare you cast your pearls befoer swine!

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Posted by: Wally Prince ( )
Date: March 19, 2019 11:06PM

All I got in the temple was a bad head cold (probably from the snot rot/breath of death that was emanating from the mouth of the mystery man behind the curtain when I did the "Five Points of Fellowship").

If anyone had ever given me pearls in the temple, I would never go cast them at swine. I probably would take them to a reputable jeweler to get them appraised and, if they turned out to be worth something, maybe I would sell them and get a new computer.

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