Mine would be, although it is definitely hard to choose THE top of what I would ring out.....

...Do NOT talk to me in that tone of voice!

Who farted?!

lip service, preaching to the choir.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/13/2019 12:32PM by GNPE.

My thing is to always try to promote laughter, but I can't think of anything off the top of my head.

But if you didn't read my short story submission, the young lady at the very end... I thought what she had to say was somewhat humorous:

https://www.exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,2174724


ETA: Really, it's short!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/12/2019 07:15PM by elderolddog.

Agreed that this qualifies as a "bellowshish" GC statement, but only when accompanied by flying egg.

"I'm a Mormon, you idiots. A MORMON!"

Laughed a lot and thoroughly enjoyed your prose, elderolddog.

October General Conference can be your debut. All those in favor, raise your eggs.

Okay, I cannot stop at one. I offer up a few more....


This is boring. What else do you have?

President Nelson, Which of Joseph's 34 or so wives is your personal favorite?

How long is this meeting anyway? Whose up for a beer?

Raise your hand to the square if you wonder why the chocolate brown seer stone was out of sight gathering dust for so long.

Apostles, where was the discernment hiding concerning Mark Hoffman the forger, and just how much money did the church spend to support his con?

Elder Lawyer Oaks, which of the nine versions of Joseph's vision would hold up best in a court of law?

I was told that Mormons always have sweets at their meetings. Will they be served soon?

Seriously, I swear you have last conference's talks up on your teleprompters. It is the same old, same old.

Quick. Where did you say the restrooms are located?

Could I volunteer to say the closing prayer, NOW!

Hey, I don't know that we teach that!!!....so let's end this meeting pronto.



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 04/13/2019 01:09AM by presleynfactsrock.

presleynfactsrock Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Apostles, where was the discernment hiding
> concerning Mark Hoffman the forger...

Please, ye Apostles, tell us why Spencer is there, on camera, investigating Markie's fakeries, with a Dollar Tree magnifying glass, instead of using his magic chocolate stone which he kept and his buddies still keep in their vault.

Spencer might have blown the hoax with a stone.

Can I have the second anointing

Peanuts, popcorn, cold beer here!

"Hasa Diga Ell Dee Ess!"

During the few seconds before security hails me out, I would expect at least chuckles from closet ex-mo's.

^^^^^^^^ Hasa Dega Ell Dee Ess!

Love it! and, if a huge number of people then stood up and started chanting these words in unison I would know that there were Spagetti Monsters watching over our Mormonland.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/13/2019 01:22AM by presleynfactsrock.

Where do the gays go in eternity?!

They never settle for Second Best!

I would yell this.

https://youtu.be/VXpNU2fAtCs

That my friend is hilarious. You have to also dress the part.

Love the world bellow! Oh, how I would love to hear someone do that!

I stole that wonderful word from the sound of enraged mother elephants protecting their babies that I enjoyed watching via video with my grandson.

It seemed to have the right contrast to the contrived more-humble-than-you-sing-songy-sickening-sweet-tone which seems to get bestowed on each new apostle along with their ability to bullshit.

Oh where Oh where
has the tithing gone?
Oh where Oh where can it be?

You claim to be about family but a mother can't even see her daughter married without paying you 10%

"Pay Lay Ale!"