Sort of personal crisis right now. Out of the maze.

It is like that I am only the words that I am writing down right now.

Anyone else felt that split from any insight of who you really are?

In the past (but not for a very long time now) I have felt something similar to this.

Something like there being a "split" between the "world" surrounding you, and "yourself," in my experience. Like "you" are [I am trying to find adequate descriptors here] in a "different dimension" from what is going on, or exists, around you--but you have to (somewhat "artificially") act (and "be") AS IF you are actually a part of it--but you don't physiologically/mentally feel you are.

When I have felt this before, it was during times of extreme stress and disorientation in my life.

For me, when--either "by itself," or due to my own active intervention(s) in some cases-- the stress/outer disorientation began to lessen, I gradually began to feel more "real," and far more connected and "in tune" with the three-dimensional life going on around me.

Abused kids (as I once was) commonly feel this (according to my understanding).

When life around you is "insane" and you can't actually "do" anything to alleviate it, a kid who is struggling to maintain their own sanity can develop this kind of "perception" to simultaneously cope with, and distance oneself from, an impossible situation they have no control over.

(In my case, when I was growing up, the insanity was mainly between my mother and my father--though at that time I had no idea "what" or "why". I was consciously aware that there was, what appeared to me to be, massive dysfunction and insanity going on, but I had no idea what the source of that insanity was, or how I could best cope with it.)

In my own experience and opinion, this can be a healthy coping mechanism, unless it is inappropriately carried on during future times when it is no longer "needed" for survival. (How healthy it is would probably depend on the inner strength, and other inner attributes, of the person feeling it.)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/13/2019 04:39PM by Tevai.

Hi tevai

I got lots of stress in my life right now. The social context and parts of my family are gone from my life on an emotional level. Studying full time at a university and was at the same time attracted to my therapist. It felt like she is the only one out there that understands me. Got no else to talk to about my inner life.
Irrational yes but the attraction is over now.It was just in my mind and my therapist was very skilled on getting things out of me.

I suffer from circumstantial and tangential speech, my brain is overworked, forget things and concepts in school when I present different works in front of the class. My mind race and I end up in word salads.

The persona who is collapsing in word salad.

Okay, here is the result of my experience and my learning:

Most important right now is: Google "nutrition for psychological disorders." Read all of the entries and take notes.

The most important things (in my experienced opinion) are:

1) Omega-3 fatty acids (natural constituents of wild cold-water fish: sardines, herring, WILD/NOT FARMED!! salmon) are extremely important since they directly affect the brain in positive ways. The Omega-3 fatty acids are also available, in capsule form, at your local GNC store, at your local health food store, probably from your local Sprouts or Whole Foods store (Whole Foods may be iffy right now; they are in transition following their change of ownership to Amazon), or from www.lifeextension.com

2) The full spectrum of B-vitamins (there are many different components known as "B vitamins" and they are ALL important to brain health).

3) A GOOD multi-vitamin/mineral/other necessary food component supplement, with GNC and Life Extension at the top of the "probably good" list.

4) Probiotics. (Available in supplement form (capsules). We have strong and undeniable evidence now that probiotics directly affect brain function, and that Americans who eat any version of the "Standard American Diet" are often lacking in adequate probiotics. Your gut will be happy, and your brain will also be working far more optimally if your probiotic needs are met daily.

3) Lots of fresh/frozen vegetables of different kinds, plus GOOD fresh fruits (fruit juice is NOT included here; the full fruit pulp is essential).

4) A minimum of a half-gallon, to a gallon, of DISTILLED water daily. Water is one of the most disregarded essentials in American life, and it IS essential in brain health as well as in total body health. (Begin your day with nine big swallows of distilled water, and drink distilled water several times during the day.) Without adequate GOOD hydration (soft drinks do NOT count!!), your brain and your body cannot function optimally (or adequately). (I drink close to a gallon of distilled water a day.)

If you incorporate these parts of an optimum healthy diet, you ought to notice improvements within a month or two, and you should definitely see far bigger improvement over the further months to come.

These nutritional improvements are, of course, not going to affect your outer circumstances, but they will, without any question, affect how your body and your brain copes with those circumstances, and will lead you to what will probably be far greater outer control and good outcomes as you live your daily life. (If your brain and your body are optimally healthy and well nourished, then your behavioral responses to outside negative stimuli will be far healthier as well.)

If you become a customer of Life Extension, you will begin receiving their monthly magazine, which always contains the latest scientifically-determined news, as well as new articles on what is already known to be scientific and medical fact. Some of those articles can be of immense help, and they are explained in ways most anyone can understand.

My best wishes go out to you.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/13/2019 05:19PM by Tevai.

When I went to see the movie "Inception," it blew my mind. I definitely have had long periods of time in my life where I felt like I wasn't really me or that I wasn't really part of my life. What words do you use to describe it??? A rhetorical question. I'm going through some of that now with all the changes I'm going through, but the worst was the years after my ex left me and I was just going through the motions of surviving and raising my kids. Somewhere about 8 or 9 years ago, it went away. Now it is back, but to a much lesser extent.

Therapy has DEFINITELY HELPED ME. One of the things that really helped is when I moved to Colorado to live with my boyfriend for a while. We argued a lot, but I was out of Utah, away from all the things in my life that had been traumatic. I had time to myself. I worked at home and he worked outside the home, then he worked in CA all week. Those were the months that really helped me. I needed time ALONE.

I also can relate to how you are feeling. My age is ancient now, right there with T-Rex and, as a child, I had one alcoholic parent and one co-dependent parent. My home did, in no way, foster talking, feeling or kids having their own opinions. The mood was depressed, and I remember always wanting to run outside and be free from being inside the house. For years on end this is just how it was. I had no idea I lived in emotional abuse or that my way of living was abnormal until I started having school friends.

There were 5 of us kids, and when I happened upon a book, a book that was a break through of the time, which described the various characteristics of children who grew up in an alcoholic home, I remember I started to cry. I had been reading voraciously, nothing I found had helped me, and here was something that ringed true, true, true as it described, almost 100%, my family.

With this information in tow, I knew that somewhere there must be a counselor in my area that could help me. My journey of coming out of this world where I felt and knew that I was different from a lot of my peers was finally on its way.

As Tevai stressed eating right is essential. Also, I add getting exercise is essential.....whatever, just get out and do some! I found swimming, hiking, and bike riding. And, do get adequate sleep.

I won't say my journey to better mental health has been easy. Ups and downs and bumps, and even a few gutter times, especially at the beginning of healing, were smack in the middle of my path. I still fight with PTSD, sometimes it is worse than other times.

But, my journey has been worth it!!! - I laugh a lot, lot more and even at myself. I was always very serious, so this helps me know that I have broke through the barrier. We are so shaped by our early life - and that includes the nutrition we received.

Nice to hear from you. Post any time. Go forward knowing that there are people here who care.

Here's my take, based on a lifetime of abstract hedonism, Warner Brothers Cartoons, and wondering what's in the shadows:

Most people are measured by what they look like, how they act/talk/write, and what they possess/display. And because of the universality of mirrors (and selfies) many of us convince ourselves that what is seen of these things define us.

I'd guess that 83.7% of the world thinks this way and would defend my conclusion. They are what you and I see in the mirror.

Now basically, 100% of us have access to mirrors, to the appearance of who we are. But not everyone looks at himself/herself in the eyes. Which is shorthand for saying that some people know that the image is a "...mask, or the words". They are not comfortable with the image. They know what the image is, but they don't think that's who they are. And this is an honest sentiment.

And there are those who lie intentionally, who know who they are but disguise it for reasons they believe will benefit them. These are the crooks and poseurs in our lives.

Which is the opposite of the person who knows the image they wish they could present but feels the need to hide it for any of a myriad of reasons, usually out of fear.

And finally, the person who knows the image is false but has no real, sincere knowledge of what he or she wants to be... They see the mask and know it for what it is.

Alas, I can go no further. How someone finds out who he wants/needs to be is one of those mysteries, mostly because those with the capacity to do the research are the kind who don't need to do the research. And those who have solved the problem generally require so much time that they 'time-out' of the opportunity to be scholarly about it.

But I believe (as in faith in things unseen) that most people in this predicament do figure it out. And I would suppose that the secret ingredient to the process is honesty.

Honesty may well be the Holy Grail.

Good luck in your quest. The solutions are out there, (as in there's probably more than one way to do it) if you're able to apply sufficient honesty. Just don't let anyone insist they have the answer. That way lies madness!

I also believe that if they are sincere, there are no wrong answers.

And I say these things in the name of the Blessed Judic West, Arch Vicar of Chelsea-on-the-Glen, Shropshire, West Midlands & annexes, Amen

"Now basically, 100% of us have access to mirrors, to the appearance of who we are. But not everyone looks at himself/herself in the eyes. Which is shorthand for saying that some people know that the image is a "...mask, or the words". They are not comfortable with the image. They know what the image is, but they don't think that's who they are. And this is an honest sentiment."

That is SO ME. I DO NOT look at myself in the eyes. I definitely don't think that is who I am. I actually didn't see several people I really care about and could have used their help for years because I was afraid that if they looked in my eyes, they wouldn't see me and I would be able to tell. I was WRONG. I finally went to see them and they all SAW ME and I knew they did. They were the men I worked with at Thiokol who had treated me better than anyone ever had in my life and I needed to KNOW they still saw me.

I still don't look in my eyes in the mirror. I'm with the guy I am with because I know he sees me and did in my 20s. I don't know how he sees who I am, but that is what I went back looking for.

Tevai,

Wondering why only distilled water? I used to only have that and got worried that it was too acidic.

Thanks,
Mel

Presley and old dog,

Excellent posts and fascinating stories and insights. Thank you for sharing.

mel Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Tevai,
>
> Wondering why only distilled water? I used to only
> have that and got worried that it was too acidic.
>
> Thanks,
> Mel

Distilled water generally has a pH of "slightly less than 7."

Vinegar has a pH of 4, which is "100 times as acidic [as distilled water]," according to Google.

With increasing frequency, there have been increasing potential problems with many brands of bottled waters, while governmental oversight re: waters in the USA, and imported waters, has been DEcreasing rather than increasing (while the underlying problem itself has been growing).

Distilled water is, by definition, "pure" water, and in the twenty-first century, pure is good and much to be preferred due to the dissolved waste matter in increasing numbers of sources (waste matter such as runoff from mining, chemicals from manufacturing, and downstream collection from water treatment facilities)....plus, and in addition, the ever-increasing potentials of water sources containing microplastics (something which has rapidly become an identified problem with ocean/sea/lake waters).

Tap water in the United States varies dramatically from one local area to another, and distilled water (even in Los Angeles, where we have comparatively good water out of the faucets, thanks to a long ago theft by the City [*]) is, by comparison with the other alternatives, the way to go.

Around here, we buy distilled water by the case (six of the gallon plastic bottles to a case).

We (two adults) drink (and use for cooking) over two cases of water a week, and although we realize that there may be some plastic "migration" to the distilled water in the plastic bottles, the water rotates rapidly in the stores we buy it from, and any "migration" would be a fraction of the amount of "foreign matter" in other water sources.

[*] In 1904, it had become obvious to the relevant authorities of City of Los Angeles that the city's rapidly increasing population was going to continue to increase at a rapid rate, and that the existing supplies of water suitable for human consumption were going to run out in the foreseeable future. As a result, William Mulholland [yes....THAT "Mulholland" ;)] and several other people joined together to steal the water somewhat north of us. During, and as a result of, this theft, many Native Americans would lose THEIR water, and almost 500 people would die. The theft was successfully completed in 1913, and is still very much solidly in place. Any time I turn on the faucet, the chances are very good that stolen water will flow out of the tap. If anyone is interested, the 1974 film CHINATOWN, starring Jack Nicholson and Faye Dunaway, is a fictional take on this real-life history. Scenic, mountainous, Mulholland Drive, I learned when I was in high school, is internationally both famous and infamous--and I also know for a fact, was where Steve McQueen, and countless other racing enthusiasts, used to hone their racing skills a few decades ago.]



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 04/13/2019 08:15PM by Tevai.

Thank you, tevai, for explaining. All good points.

That movie was excellent though I couldn’t bear to watch what they did to jack nicholsen’s Nose!

Sad about the Central Valley up 395, I think they took it from Mono lake which is now an environmental disaster.

Have you thought of getting water delivered in reusable containers? Shame about adding all those gallon containers to the waste stream. But I’m not judging sometimes there is no choice.:(

Most of us here have seen science fiction movies where someone went back in time and changed the timeline. In some cases there are especially wise people who know that something is wrong in the new timeline. Others who came from the original future spend their time trying to restore the original timeline. Most of the people in the new timeline are unaware that anything has gone wrong.

When I realized the church is a cult, it was in my mind like someone had changed the timeline, thus destroying any possible path forward in the right direction, the one that God had in mind for me. For years this fracture continued to exist, and I just forged ahead with the life that was left for me, void of purpose or direction. But I just kept moving forward, working with what I had, doing what I had to do since here I am one way or another anyway. That lasted for more than twenty-five years.

I did a lot of work on myself and healing from the affects of the mormon cult. Recently, I got some more counseling and was introduced to cognitive behavioral therapy. I was very skeptical at first. But I have noticed that this metaphorical timeline seems to have merged with the original one now (a major step forward). It's more like I took a detour through a cult, but have never really left my intended path. Just recently, I have started asking myself whether or not this cult detour was really a detour or a an intended part of the journey to begin with. I am getting back now, some of those pieces of myself that I thought had been irretrievably lost a long time ago. I've still got some work to do. But I think I have passed the crest of the hill and am headed down the backside now, somewhat coasting downhill. This self that I just got by in for past decades seems more and more like who I really am and not some remnant of who I was. Fortunately I kept on trying and have a life that is manageable now, even thought that life didn't have much of a purpose for so long.

The Persona Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Anyone else felt that split from any insight of
> who you really are?


Yes. When we seriously uproot our previous identity for a new one and we are "trying it on" we often feel lost and outside of ourselves.

Good luck. It is a difficult thing to go through if you have no training in dealing with it. I believe the "enjoyable" side of this is a religious conversion. You identify so strongly in that change that it seems like your old self was "killed" and your new one is your "true" one.

I do know what you mean, The Persona, but I never lost touch with reality. I always struggled to sift out the Truth, and I was highly motivated by my love of learning. That's what saved me from Mormonism. The spiritual, guilt-enslaved, Satan fearing world of Mormonism did not appeal to me at all. Neither did their polygamous Celestial Kingdom. I did not want it. I loved the "lone and dreary" world full of amazing creatures and plants, and laws, and scientific facts. I was able to love unconditionally, and even the fictitious novels and poetry I read, taught me that happiness is all about love and appreciation of the moment. I could not develop the distain that Mormons had for non-members, and the longing to be dead and with Heavenly Father, at last. It was though they were actually looking forward to the Second Coming, and I--I dearly loved the world--I was "of the world". I felt like I was the opposite of a Mormon, at times.

I grew up very confused, because the Mormons told me that some bad things were good, and good things were bad. Racism is bad. Lying, money-grabbing, cruelty to others, bullying and threatening others is all bad--yet, that was the basis of the Mormon cult. The cult made me miserable, depressed, and hopeless. I would never be anything beyond a second-class citizen, a Mormon female, part of some Mormon man's harem. My first TBM husband beat me, and said he had a right to do that, because I was his "possession." This was right out of D & C 135. I was supposed to be happy in that marriage, and bear children for him to beat. My parents were against divorce, too.

I was so brainwashed that I thought this was going to be my "eternity." I contemplated suicide. But reading about psychopaths, wife-beaters, and more about Joseph Smith (nothing outside of Mormon publications, and no anti-Mormon literature) woke up my sleeping mind, and, one day I jumped up and shouted, "There's another way out! I can get divorced!" I ran away, and started a new life, in a new city, with a new name, and a new identity.

It wasn't easy, because I was forced to be someone I was raised to disrespect: The notorious single working woman. Even now, I feel twinges of that sense of failure, when I go alone to a couples' party, when I have no husband to talk to, when other mothers have more time to spend with their children. I had to work hard to support my family, while other Mormon mothers I knew could go to lunch, play tennis, garden, go to the beauty salon, and on dates and trips with their husband.

Part of adjusting your identity is giving up some of your dreams, but I was determined to replace those lost wishes with something better, and more real. My children, their independence, their courage, integrity, the money we earned, our pride (a good thing, not a bad thing, like Mormons teach), my house, our special times together (quality made up for quantity) became far more compelling than any religion, or any husband.

Change makes you grow, and you are doing that right now, Persona. Growing pains hurt, but they pass. What an adventure life is!

Have fun with finding a new identity! Try new things. Remember, you don't have to do anything you don't LIKE to do, except what you need for survival and safety and health. No churcn meetings, no cleaning buildings. Wear what you want to wear. Choose what pleases YOU. When all this happened to me, I was already sick of Mormons (parents, siblings, bishops, boyfriends, husband) telling me what to think.

It seems dumb, but I actually wrote a list of things I truly enjoyed in life, and a list of what I could never like, or had tried to like but could not. Some things that are popular, I never did enjoy. Some simple things that others thought were boring, I enjoyed to the fullest! Everyone is different.

Find out who you really are. Knowing what you are NOT--not a Mormon--is a good first step.

BTW, you don't have to "replace" Mormonism with anything. It is just an intrusive space-gobbler that eats up your time and energy and happiness. Without the cult, there's more wiggle-room for enjoyment, accomplishment, and PAID work.