Recovery Board  : RfM
Recovery from Mormonism (RfM) discussion forum. 
Go to Topic: PreviousNext
Go to: Forum ListMessage ListNew TopicSearchLog In
Posted by: matt ( )
Date: April 15, 2019 07:49PM

https://www.distractify.com/p/bride-calls-off-wedding-browser-history

"A bride called off her wedding after she was "betrayed" by her husband-to-be, but some people believe that she's overreacting.

One of the most difficult things to reconcile in relationships are differing values. It's hard to find to people who share the exact same set of values — heck, even identical twins end up having very different personalities, so how do two strangers expect to agree on everything just because they fell in love?"

Is she Mormon?

"I have always been a very religious person. Religion has always been the core and center of my life and actions, and I grew up being taught true principles of the institution of marriage and family. I was always taught God’s purposes for marriage and family, and how to seek for and live in such a way that we can be blessed with an eternal family and an eternal marriage."

Yep, gotta be.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: olderelder ( )
Date: April 15, 2019 07:51PM

He dodged a bullet this time.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: matt ( )
Date: April 15, 2019 07:52PM

Exactly what I was thinking.

Actually, he might have had two tabs open, one on a porn site and the other on RFM! :oD

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: oregon ( )
Date: April 15, 2019 08:39PM

She never says what those three words were -
what were they?

I would have said I am doing research for our big night...
Seriously though, she didn't love him. It sounds like she left him anyways. ?

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: messygoop ( )
Date: April 15, 2019 09:26PM

oregon Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> She never says what those three words were -
> what were they?
>

I am not Rusty, but I have my mormon radar working.

-licked cup cake
-icky chewed gum
-nails in fence

BTW
I almost made a serious dating gaffe. One time I was going to take out a girl, but then I saw her wearing a goofy blue hat. OMG! That would have been a terrible mistake that I could never get over. I am so glad that I called her back to cancel our date. (See pictures in article to enjoy my humor).



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 04/15/2019 10:07PM by messygoop.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Hockeyrat ( )
Date: April 15, 2019 08:44PM

“But in that moment, I felt paralyzed. I had a sudden frightening sensation of someone grasping at my neck as if someone or something was attempting to suffocate me to my death.”
She must be religious, to almost plagiarize JS.
He felt an evil force trying to overcome him also, 1 st vision, anyone?

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: cl2 ( )
Date: April 15, 2019 08:49PM

and I wasn't pleased. She didn't do the "work" she needed to in the relationship. She was off working in Alaska for the summer she was engaged--6 months. Her friend came out here to live in an apartment with her in the months she could have been spending with her fiance. The friend wanted to break up the relationship and this girl also broke up the relationship she had with her now husband 6 years ago. So she didn't get to know him very well. He had things he needed to get done and he wasn't doing them, but I didn't know that. My boyfriend gave her FFM so she could come home for a visit in the summer as my boyfriend was pretty sure the marriage wasn't a good idea. He was divorced, had 3 kids, and had some financial and divorce issues he needed to take care of. I believe he was just looking for another wife. Didn't matter who it was. He found someone else on line from Brazil while on his honeymoon trip that he needed to use or lose. They married in 7 or 8 months later and have 2 kids now. She had a kid from a previous relationship (his now wife).

BUT my daughter ran off to Tennessee and I was left with her ex and, having been left myself, I was NOT PLEASED with what she had done. It was the right thing to do in the long run, but it could have been handled in a much better way.

Glad she did bail. One of the reasons she gave for bailing was his lying. He did lie about finances and he also lied about PORN. But she said she could handle it if he had looked at porn, but when she asked, he told him he had never had any problems with porn. Every other guy she ever dated had looked at porn.

I see a lot of mormon marriages ending over porn. I wish that the porn my ex had been looking at was straight porn. Shit. That would have been a lot simpler to deal with.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: messygoop ( )
Date: April 15, 2019 09:34PM

I first read the title of this thread as Mormon girl halts wedding to do porn.

:)

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: matt ( )
Date: April 15, 2019 10:05PM

messygoop Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I first read the title of this thread as Mormon
> girl halts wedding to do porn.
>
> :)

Oh, MessyG! You made me smile! ;o))

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Wally Prince ( )
Date: April 15, 2019 10:54PM

they went through with the wedding. Sounds like they really didn't know each other very well anyway.

If it was just something like Sports Illustrated swimsuit models, I'd say that she probably overreacted in any case.

If it was hard-core porn, it doesn't seem that she was all that unreasonable in reacting the way she did. But if that's all it took to almost immediately push her over the edge against getting married, it sounds like she wasn't really into the guy that much and probably was already having misgivings. The porn on the phone was just what she needed to give her the clarity that she was looking for.

Of course, there's always the possibility that she'll eventually marry some other guy and everything will be almost perfect...simply because he's better at hiding his porn.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: NormaRae ( )
Date: April 16, 2019 10:30AM

Correct. No one knows what it really was and even if it were pretty innocuous generic porn, she was right to call it off if it was that offensive to her. It was likely no different than what every average Mormon guy spends hours on their phone looking at. They just don't get caught, but maybe not.

It really could have been something that was a sign that she was marrying a very perverted, scary, possible sexual predator, or future one. All the signs were there for me and I ignored them. And I, my children and grandchildren have paid for that mistake in some really bad ways. Would we really want to ignore those signs just to not be taken as a prude?

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Itso ( )
Date: April 16, 2019 01:30AM

She was smart, religious or not. I’ve read many a sad story from women who’s husbands were into porn, and some from men who’s wives were into porn. It can be very destructive to a marriage.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: SwingingSammy ( )
Date: April 17, 2019 04:02PM

Itso Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> She was smart, religious or not. I’ve read many
> a sad story from women who’s husbands were into
> porn, and some from men who’s wives were into
> porn. It can be very destructive to a marriage.

I don't doubt it. But it also can be viewed, by either party, together or separate, and be beneficial to a marriage and the sex-life therein. A "one size fits all" view of porn, or other aspects of sexuality, just doesn't make sense. It is one of the reasons, among a great many others, why organized religion is as harmful as it is BS.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Vortigern ( )
Date: April 17, 2019 03:03AM

She is likely now experiencing regret that she set her standards so high. A review of her blog shows that she is chronically, seriously ill, and will require constant care throughout her life. It is unlikely that she will find a mate.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Vortimer ( )
Date: April 17, 2019 04:54PM

Is it really setting your standards too high not to want a guy who watches other people have sex?

I don't get why people think watching porn is normal. It's so creepy.

You're sitting somewhere, all cloak and dagger, watching other people have sex, then getting yourself off while watching it, instead of just going out and doing it yourself.

It's weird, creepy, and has been demonstrated to have long-term detrimental effects on brain chemistry.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: helamonster ( )
Date: April 19, 2019 04:02PM

It's so abnormal that porn has been around as long as human beings have.

Wow. You must be fun at parties.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/19/2019 04:03PM by helamonster.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: elderolddog ( )
Date: April 19, 2019 04:04PM

So far as 'leading scientists' are aware, human beings are the only species who will pay good money to be stimulated sexually, even knowing full well that 'sexual release' either is not going to be offered or is going to cost a lot more than was already paid.

Primates, including humans, have been freed from the estrus cycle. If you're religious, ghawd did this to you. If you're not religious, a longing for fealty might still make it an issue.

I've been alive a long time and "Devotion" to one's mate has a very long and hard row to hoe.

As they say at the zoo, "Good luck being a human!"

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Lot's Wife ( )
Date: April 21, 2019 08:37PM

> It. . . has been demonstrated to
> have long-term detrimental effects on brain
> chemistry.

Sources? It's difficult to evaluate an assertion without seeing the reasoning behind it.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: notmonotloggedin ( )
Date: April 17, 2019 10:55AM

If you are thinking that Mormons are the only ones who are against the use of pornography then you are seriously mistaken.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Ted ( )
Date: April 17, 2019 04:22PM

Wellll...I mean, from what I understand the state of UT has the highest rate of internet porn in the US. So, yeah, Mormon women don't like porn, but the men sure do.

I changed my mind on this post after reading some of the other entries. To me, there is nothing wrong with a human being looking at porn once in a great while for recreation (Example: once or twice a year for 30 minutes lets say). When it becomes a need more than an occasional recreational activity, like having to have an direct dial app on your phone, you're looking at it everyday, etc.). I hope and/or assume she investigated more, talked to him, and vetted the situation thoroughly before jumping to any conclusions. Mormon or not, I personally would not want to be with any one who has a true porn addiction or most addictions for that matter.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: SwingingSammy ( )
Date: April 17, 2019 08:41PM

Ted Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
To me, there is nothing
> wrong with a human being looking at porn once in a
> great while for recreation (Example: once or
> twice a year for 30 minutes lets say).

If that works for you then fantastic. It just isn't backed up by solid science. I'm aware of at least two recent studies (one in Denmark with male subjects and one in Canada with male and female participants) that indicated regular (as in daily and weekly) use correlated with healthy results in most categories. There are, of course, studies that show mentally unhealthy people can be have bad results, but that is true of many things.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Ted ( )
Date: April 18, 2019 12:25PM

Hey man...you are preaching to the choir here. I was just providing a very minimalist example of how porn could be used recreationally, and of course, if I were in a younger mans shoes I would probably indulge more. By "addiction" of anything, I think if porn or whatever (i.e. alcohol, drugs, gambling, etc) gets in the way of normal daily functioning to where relationships are adversely affected and normal life is consumed by the addictive tendencies - I personally wouldn't want to be involved with someone like that. I highly doubt that young man was addicted to porn.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Anon for this one ( )
Date: April 17, 2019 01:23PM

In the top-right photo of the link you can see a small model of the SLC Temple. It's on the table to her right.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: GNPE ( )
Date: April 17, 2019 01:27PM

Remember the story of the guy who ditched his gf because she had more than 1 pair of earrings, wasn't compliant with 'the profit'?


this is the reciprocal...


just sayin'

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: icanseethelight ( )
Date: April 17, 2019 03:07PM

So....

From my perspective she overreacted to the porn, was spot on about the lying.

This is what shame and guilt do. He admitted he had a "problem". The problem was he was a normal male in a repressed society.

And this girl has a wildly oversimplified and naive view of life.

Both are the result of years of brainwashing by a religion that seeks to control and financially indenture their members.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: SwingingSammy ( )
Date: April 17, 2019 03:57PM

Dude dodged a major bullet if he didn't marry her. The way she worded things, and from the pics, she is a dumpster-fire of guilt, sex-shaming, and religious nutbaggery. Anyone who melts down over porn viewing circa 2019 has some major issues to work through.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Ted ( )
Date: April 17, 2019 04:08PM

"It’s been one year since my entire world came crashing down within seconds, and my whole life changed..For whatever reason, I stood up and reached for his phone instead of mine to see when the store would be closed."

A few thoughts/observations from being a Mormon for 40 years:

1) "Entire world...crashing...whole life changed" these are indicators of very immature and indoctrinated young Mormon. She has been sheltered by crazy parents, and just has not clue about what is acceptable, normal, tolerable - outside of the very sheltered window of Mormonism. I feel sorry for her. She bypassed a wonderful young man, and will live to regret it. The young man dodged a bullet - she would have made his life a living hell on earth.

2) "For whatever reason" - this is Mormon speak for God provided this opportunity for me, the spirit guided me, this was a miracle, etc. Pffft...what a bunch of BS. You lose lady.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Free Man ( )
Date: April 18, 2019 12:29AM

It always has to be about sex being bad, or maintaining total control over a guy's sex life.

We're horrified when a guy fantasizes about a woman's body and sex. We talk about how it takes away from their relationship.

Yet my wife watches about 5 hours per night of her fantasy guys - the tough guy cops. Or she watches those shows with fancy houses being fixed up. She reads romance novels before going to bed. I should feel insecure, since I will never be that tough guy, or that romantic, and will never be able to provide such a house.

I should probably shame her about watching such "smut", should probably broadcast to the world her addiction, she should probably get counseling, and I should probably divorce her.

Except her addictions don't happen to involve nude women, so it is considered fine. Apparently the fantasies of dudes are the only problem. Apparently sex is inherently dirty and evil and filthy. (Or have to label it such to gain monopoly control over his sexuality).

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: SwingingSammy ( )
Date: April 18, 2019 01:56AM

Free Man Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> It always has to be about sex being bad, or
> maintaining total control over a guy's sex life.
>
> We're horrified when a guy fantasizes about a
> woman's body and sex. We talk about how it
> takes away from their relationship.

Totally agreed. Though I'd add the controlling bullshit put out by religions and governments has most certainly been aimed at female members of our species too, generally even in a worse way. And the GLBTQ+ community. And swingers and polyamorists. Or any group of consenting adults who don't conform to some irrational "norm".

The Morg, as brainless as it is, does not have a monopoly on such evil idiocy. The Roman Catholic church, for example, is a bizarre study in shaming anyone who enjoys sex, but is guilty of the most horrific sex crimes (i.e., those involving children). And there are plenty more, from forms of Judaism, the the unintentionally hilarious Evangelical purity ring culture, to totalitarian governments, et al.

It is high time humanity told such abusive manipulators to go fuck themselves.

P.S. LDS, Inc. gets bonus irony points for polygamy in Utah and, albeit in small numbers, polyandry in Nauvoo. (eyeroll)

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: frankie ( )
Date: April 18, 2019 12:38AM

everybody seen porn, it doesn't mean they act on it. looks like her almost husband dodged a bullet

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Gheco ( )
Date: April 18, 2019 12:45AM

The porn question should be whether the involved parties were porn spectators or porn participators.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: doyle18 ( )
Date: April 18, 2019 10:03AM

From other articles I've read, she is Mormon, and I do think the guy dodged a bullet in this case. If she finds someone else to marry, he'll be better at hiding his porn from her.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: azsteve ( )
Date: April 19, 2019 03:53PM

This is one example of why finding your marriage partner in the church and living in the church is a bad idea. If one partner wants porn and the other doesn't, that's a problem. If they both want porn or neither of them wants port, there is no problem. When you give the church a vote, the answer is also no. The odds of finding happiness are greater when you don't have some irrelevant dogma trying to control your life. Outside of the church, it won't take weeks, months, or years to get an honest answer out of the other person either. The equation is so much easier without the church being involved.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: cludgie ( )
Date: April 19, 2019 04:06PM

Smiley emoticon.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: cludgie ( )
Date: April 19, 2019 04:05PM

That whole spiel about "picture" man and "picture-perfect" wedding is such bullshit under any normal circumstance, but "picture-perfect" man and woman is so typically Mormon. As for "is she Mormon?," there's a little model of the SLC temple in the background.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Elder Berry ( )
Date: April 19, 2019 04:22PM

matt Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Yep, gotta be.

Yes. And a Mormon Drama Queen and High Priestess when she goes through their temple if she hasn't all ready.

https://www.chronicallybeautifullife.com/about.html

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Hector Gonzalez ( )
Date: April 21, 2019 08:17PM

Religions have always used sexuality, diet, or both to control people. Those things are so innate to humanity, it is easy to exploit. Christianity, in its many batshit forms, just took it up a notch with the sex guilt nonsense.

As vile as that young woman comes off, and she most certainly comes across as a truly awful person, she too is just another victim of the god virus. Sad for all involved.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: chipace ( )
Date: April 22, 2019 12:44AM

I loved the comment from the article "I hope she likes cats".
The article infers that she told the 300 wedding guests the real reason for calling off the wedding.
I don't have a problem with her expectations, just how she handled the situation. Maybe she thought that if she can't have him, no one else should.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: summer ( )
Date: April 22, 2019 09:25AM

She is young and naïve. With two serious chronic illnesses, it may indeed be very difficult for her to find a partner. I have two friends with multiple chronic illnesses. Both are divorced, and they have both had difficult lives. I wish her well in terms of finding a mate, but it may be difficult for her to find one who meets her exacting standards.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/22/2019 09:41AM by summer.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: messygoop ( )
Date: April 22, 2019 11:33AM

As a young woman, she is permitted to be picky. After all, it is okay for her to remain single if men fail to suit her needs. However, the same can not be said about men. They have to worry about getting married and procreating or they face an end of their eternal progression according to the church. I feel sorry for her because she probably will live a lonely life.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Elder Berry ( )
Date: April 22, 2019 12:20PM

messygoop Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> As a young woman, she is permitted to be picky.


After all, it is okay for her because she is "chronically" beautiful. I don't think she is as good looking from the inside.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Lot's Wife ( )
Date: April 22, 2019 12:23PM

Agreed. Humiliating the young man was unnecessary.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: summer ( )
Date: April 22, 2019 12:36PM

Yes, putting her story on the web was cruel and unnecessary. I don't think she sees it that way. She probably figures that since she's the injured party (she refers to herself as a "victim,") she's entitled to share it. It would be interesting to hear her ex's side of the story.

She has her blog. It might be that she fancies herself a "content creator" which entitles her to write about whatever she wants to write about.

Options: ReplyQuote
Go to Topic: PreviousNext
Go to: Forum ListMessage ListNew TopicSearchLog In


Sorry, you can't reply to this topic. It has been closed. Please start another thread and continue the conversation.