We've all been abused by the mormon cult. Does that mean we're allowed to burn down ward houses or spray paint temples? No, none of us want to do such things.

But some feel that diabetics or depression era survivors should be entitled to steal food or possibly to abuse children who "waste" food.

When bad things happen to us in childhood, we need to step up and try to overcome tendencies to continue the chain of abuse. We don't have to be as abusive as our early tormentors just like we don't have to be mormons any more just because we were set in that direction as children. We have the power to make our own decisions.

We can understand why bad parents feel like they must hit children, starve them, or force them to live in fear and pain. But that doesn't mean the parents must be exonerated. As adults we can turn our backs on bad behavior and choose a better course for our own families.

As a teacher I held conferences with 100s of parents. It was common for parents to explain why their child didn't complete homework, why they didn't attend school regularly, or why they were too tired to pay attention in class. After explaining all of this, they were often dismayed that I would not change report cards to reflect how the child would be doing if they didn't have to deal with a bad home life or other problems that impeded them. But sorry, it doesn't help a child or anyone to give credit or blame for motives and ignore reality.

Bad or overly harsh parents likely were not supported or loved when they were young. That doesn't mean they have a right to beat, starve, or neglect their own children

Patients in care facilities might have trouble curbing their "need" to steal food from other patients. That doesn't mean the other patients must do without or excuse this bad behavior. It's up to the individual to curb the urge to steal and if that's impossible it's up to the institution to find ways to protect the other patients.

Some have said that young children can't control their urge to grab food and so it's the same with dementia patients who feel like grabbing food. They say other patients and staff need to make allowances for this behavior. I don't think so, not after the first theft is noticed.

Parents need to stop babies from grabbing what they shouldn't have. Rules and procedures and personnel in hospitals and care facilities need to protect dementia patients from touching food that is meant for others.

Knowing what triggers a behavior does not mean we must excuse it.

and I can see this is a continuation of your thread:

https://www.facebook.com/582882635120303/videos/315870732661069/UzpfSTEwMDAwODM3MDU4MTY1NDoyMzE5NTQ1NDA1MDAxMTIz/

I thought this was an excellent example of what you are expressing.

Even if I can forgive my parents for what damage they did, there are still reasons I am who I am and it is because of things they did. I want my brother to find peace. My older brother has. My younger brother is my rock. He is the one person in this life I trust 100% and always will. I helped take care of him while my parents were busy taking care of our brother who was 3 years older than him. He called me mom. For myself, I can give him and I did give him, all the love I can to try to heal the pain he has lived through and still does at age 50.

I can't say I was a perfect parent by far. I can't even say I did the best I could, but my kids always knew I loved them. I didn't beat them and I didn't blame them for what was going on in my life. My brothers and myself made sure we didn't repeat our parents' behavior.

Oddly enough, though, when my son wasn't doing well in school. He is extremely bright, but found many school classes boring. On-line school would have been perfect for him. But it was my dad who told me to go easy on him, something my own dad didn't do. He must have learned something along the way. My son graduated. Now I have had to be patient and still just love him and he has come so far. Still a ways to go. He has stopped drinking, doing drugs, got off the medication that helped him beat the drugs all by himself. No rehab as I can't afford it. And he wouldn't ask me. He started drugs after his wife left him. And I'm sure his childhood didn't help.

My ex didn't beat the children, but he did abandon them and I mean abandon them. I hate it when people say divorce doesn't hurt the children. I've watched. I've seen what it does. Each kid reacts differently. My children are always testing their dad to see if he will reject them again. My ex's abuse to the children was emotional.

Good luck to you, your kids, and your brother.

Cheryl, I agree with you that understanding the origin of the behaviors does not excuse or condone those behaviors. IMO in some cases reconciliation can happen if the offender recognizes that they were wrong and works hard to change.

And as you know, institutions can let you down as well. In your case it was a nursing facility. In my case my school district lets me down on a frequent basis. Teachers in my district are expected to "handle" their students no matter how rude, disrespectful, defiant, or disruptive the behavior. It doesn't matter if we have notified the parent twenty times or if we have instituted any number of small punishments. It is all our fault.

We are also punished on our evaluations for things that are largely beyond our control, such as student attendance.

I have simply tried to survive in such an atmosphere, because I must. I comfort myself by knowing that a can retire in a few short years.

I've had parent conferences such as yours. As I say, I can raise them or I can teach them, I can't do both. I learned a long time ago that I can only solve some of a child's problems (chiefly the academic problems,) but not all of them.

School districts and oftentimes administrators can be hugely unreasonable. It's completely unfair to punish teachers for situations beyond their control.

Like you, I realized I couldn't be a parent at school and still have the time and resources to teach them. Just teaching kiddies is a demanding and full time job and parents and administrators and the public must do their jobs as well for good results.

But I think things may have really been different going back into pioneer Utah and up through the 30s. Utah Mormon children were not spoiled in previous generations. I recall my grandfather telling me that his mother was awful and mean and short tempered. She tied him to a tree all day while she was thinning mormon sugar beats. His father worked them like work horses and drove off his younger sister as soon as she was 18. But things were different in those days. People were poor and there was no welfare, everyone had to work just so there would be enough food on the table. Families had too many kids too young. And then there were the Indians mostly begging but some marauding was still going on up into the 1920's. And grizzly bears as well, Everyone had to have a gun and know how to use it. It was a violent time and scary time. That's how they lived.

So when I got beat as a kid. That's what the explanation I got was. That is what Utahns did in the past, and now things
are different. (Since we have craddle to grave safe spaces now, and civil rights)

Not everyone beat their children although it was more likely in those days.

Today, being too lenient and trying to be a pal and not a parent is probably as detrimental as being mean.

The goal needs to be firm and fair, reasonable and supportive but not be a pushover.