Posted by:
Mother Who Knows
(
)
Date: May 05, 2019 06:58PM
"...a weight pushing me down into self-loathing."
"...unnecessary obstacles and demands."
Me, too. The only time I needed a crutch, was when I had to deal with the cult. When I was a member, and now I'm not a member, I've needed "crutches" to help me deal with past and present Mormon abuse.
My biggest crutch is RFM.
My children
Therapy
A Sunday morning walk with my dog
Non-Mormon friends
Good doctors and nurses, if I need them
Nature
My identity as "matriarch" of my family
My career and earning ability
Hobbies and interests
Music, sports, reading.
I used to spend a lot of time rehearsing music and preparing SS lessons. I could not go to church at all, much less perform, unless I looked perfect, and that took effort. I had to have two cups of coffee to get me out of bed on Sundays; whereas, the rest of the days of the week, I would pop out of bed with enthusiasm for the day's adventures at work and with my family, after work. No caffeine needed.
The average cult Sunday was worse than my very worst day at work. Other Sunday crutches were: plenty of M & M's in my purse, paper and pencils for the kids, day planner and cell phone. There was the much anticipated pizza for dinner, after it was over.
It was like a cloud of depression would follow me home from church, and I had to shake it off. I would have to crawl into bed and shut out the world, for 20-30 minutes, before I felt normal again. Then, we would eat pizza, play, do homework, and watch TV, with that unique sense of relief that comes late on a Mormon Sunday night.