When you believed, did you have interests and hobbies outside of the narrow scope of the church?

Did you actively pursuit these interests or did you feel that the church stymied or strongly discouraged you?

Were you ever counseled by a leader to stop doing it?

I had plenty of interests and I pursued them and felt guilty.

You can't win as a mormon. Never.

Here's one of my conflicts as a member.

I played football in both jr high and part of hs. My school was one of the last in the area to have stadium lights. Many of my games were on Thursdays and Saturdays. This royally screwed up church scouting and Saturday service projects and or temple trips. I didn't participate from August to November. This was unacceptable to the church.

I had leaders telling me that I could play hoops and HF would be happier with me. When that didn't work, I was told that I would likely suffer an injury as a punishment for not listening to the lord's servants.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/13/2019 03:40PM by messygoop.

messygoop Wrote:
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> Here's one of my conflicts as a member.
>
> I played football in both jr high and part of hs.
> My school was one of the last in the area to have
> stadium lights. Many of my games were on Thursdays
> and Saturdays. This royally screwed up church
> scouting and Saturday service projects and or
> temple trips. I didn't participate from August to
> November. This was unacceptable to the church.
>
> I had leaders telling me that I could play hoops
> and HF would be happier with me. When that didn't
> work, I was told that I would likely suffer an
> injury as a punishment for not listening to the
> lord's servants.


Being a mormon was a no win situation, any way you looked at it.

messygoop Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> When you believed, did you have interests and
> hobbies outside of the narrow scope of the
> church?

Yes.


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> Did you actively pursuit these interests or did
> you feel that the church stymied or strongly
> discouraged you?

Yes. Some church leaders thought academic achievement and sports and social prominence were good pursuits and hence were supportive. But I definitely encountered bitter, jealous, and/or narrow leaders who opposed my efforts and imposed various penalties on me.


--------------------
> Were you ever counseled by a leader to stop doing
> it?

Yes. A lot of it was indirect stuff. There was one bishop who was envious of some of my academic experiences (he posed it as "the natural man is an enemy to God") and a few others who didn't like what I was doing and urged others to shun me. (That hurt.) There were also two stake presidents who, on learning of a couple of major things I had done, asked pointedly why I had not spent that time and energy on the church.


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I think there are various voices on this topic in the church. Some want people to achieve social and educational success and to help the world generally. But a larger group want to see professional and pecuniary success of the sort that will result in rich white men who can serve in church leadership. To such, working for civic organizations--particularly liberal ones--is basically the same as quilting or bridge clubs. Then there are the weak men who resent anyone who has independent sources of confidence and broader social aspirations.

As long as people think they have a right to interfere in any aspect of another's life, they will feel no scruples about (attempting to) micromanage others' affairs.

I was never that good at it, but I participated every chance I got, and church activities didn't hinder it. But now, petting and Levi-Loving are probably very passe. Now it's all about hooking up. It doesn't seem to be very romantic.

Maybe romance was a waste of time, but I sure loved it.

yes, and i still pursue them. I even cooked with wine guilt free as a mormon.

YES

My little brother was a star baseball player for the whole of his teenage years and played plenty of Sunday games...with full support of our folks..who served on high council and as ward RSP at the time. Family interests always took precedence over cult stuff.

I know a couple who were trying to be good church folks but were also serious antique collectors with their whole house decorated in antiques. They were chastised more than once for not having that picture of the red cloak Jesus and the family proclamation featured prominently in their home.
They are still antique collectors but are no longer in that church.

When I was a Mormon SAHM, I felt the making terrariums out of 2-liter bottles and bird houses out of Clorox bottles was not benefitting others, in any way. My callings as organist and teen Sunday school teacher were separating me from my family, instead of involving me with them. I began volunteering in my children's schools, as room mother, then tutoring the Spanish-speaking kids, then PTA president, then substitute teacher (paid), then as an elected member of the Board of Education. Oh--there was no way I was ever going back to useless, unsatisfying, demeaning church-work! I made the best friends of my life! I was happy and vital, and my children liked seeing me at school. This might be partly why my kids are so civic-minded now, as adults. I'm proud of our family. The school board made a difference! Whatever money we raised for our school(s), we would match with a poorer inner-city school. The Mormons were always trying to shame me into playing the piano and organ for them, but I played for some school performances, and for the Junior League women's chorus, who sang at rest homes and hospitals. This was cheerful music, and the patients knew the words, and sang along, and were energized. Mormon music was too monotone, brainwashing, and just sad. I played at some Junior League fashion shows. I was coerced into playing for the ward road shows, until during one performance, someone slammed the piano lid down on my hands. The piano light broke, and I could not see the music. I had rehearsed often enough, that I remembered it all my heart, and played anyway, even thought my hands hurt like hell. Never. Again. As with anything Mormon, the sacrifice was too great--for NOTHING.

Later, when I was divorced, my career became my "outside interest." You all know what the Mormon church's stand on working mothers was in the 1990's. Even though I was the SOLE breadwinner for my family, I still was criticized for working! Yet, when the money started coming in, the cult was happy to take my tithing. Yeah--being a Mormon was a no-win situation.

I was coerced into playing for the ward road shows, until during one performance, someone slammed the piano lid down on my hands. The piano light broke, and I could not see the music.

-That's awful! Who slams the lid on the hands of a person providing the music?

I was a musician and played in a Dixieland band all over So. Arizona. Bars and nightclubs!! Oh bad boy me!

throughout much of my life, the only significant block of free time was on the weekend. Although it was not my reason for leaving, the fact that one half of each weekend was mostly taken up by church stuff was a very big obstacle to enjoying my hobbies. It also meant that Saturdays often had to be spent working on chores and personal business that couldn't be done during the week or on Sundays.

Not only that, I went to work at a place called Thiokol (they made the solid rocket boosters for the space shuttle--they are now named ATK). Good mormon girls didn't work at Thiokol, but it was the only place I could get a job. The big boss in our area didn't like that I worked there as he thought no good mormon girl worked there. He was a patriarch. He had it in for me from day one. My boss couldn't figure it out. My boss was a good mormon, but he was NORMAL. Loved him!! I stayed on no matter how many jerky mormons told me I shouldn't be there.

After I got married and had twins, I tried being a SAHM for about 8 months. My ex wanted me to be a SAHM so I went behind his back looking for a part-time job. When he found out, he helped me get on at the hospital where he works and I learned medical transcription. Been doing it ever since. I worked evenings and he watched the kids. It saved my sanity.

There was a mother's day talk all those years ago about mothers being at home per ETB. My ex asked me what i thought. I said, "They said that mothers belong at home. If I didn't work, I'd be in a mental institution and I wouldn't be home."

I also ended up dating quite a few nonmormons as mormons never asked me out. My boyfriend from back then and now just asked me about what it was about him that made the impact that I wanted to be with him now.