She said they never ever believe that we will not consider returning. They always think they can share their beliefs because they are so happy and imagine we are not. They think we've never experienced what they call the spirit, that we weren't righteous enough and perhaps we were lazy.

I think the point is that mormons think they own us and that they are superior to such lowly non-believers. Their attitude is arrogant and misguided.

I always admire what C12 writes and doubly so in this case.

I think the only way to be free of mormon elitism would be to move far away from all mormons and not let any of them have contact information. That is not a good option for most of us. The sacrifice would be greater than the reward, so we hunker down and put up with some of their guff.

Still, for me I was happier being a resigned former member than I would have been if I'd listed sins for them and submitted to a court and being excommunicated. I never actually did anything that I and normal people would call sinning.

Anyone who thinks they'd prefer being exxed is free to go for it, but it means there's likely to be more harassment to repent and return. In spite of how mormons treat resigned people, I think I'd rather be someone who leaves because that's what I wanted, not because I was officially found guilty of wickedness.

Are there excommunicated former members who are glad of that route? If so, I haven't met them.

Are there resigned former members who go back? I've only heard of one and I met and have read about hundreds who are thrilled with the decision.

So that's what I suggest. If you never want to go back, just resign. I think that's the best decision for most.

Resigning was the best decision for me; it was like the exclamation point at the end of a long sentence. It was not only to send a strong message to others, but also a message to myself, and since that happened, there have been several times that my resignation decision has been vindicated. Others may not feel as strongly about this as I do, but it was what I felt needed to be done.

cl2 still lives in a highly LDS community, has close family are are both in and out of LDS, and has definitely moved on, spiritually and psychologically.

Let's be very careful where we're going with this thread, lest we descend into a gossip-fest.

I don't care if Phil said something! I'm sorry I didn't make myself clear. I love my new job, but there have been some issues with a bunch of miscommunication with a new account they want me to do and so I'm "scattered" worse than normal.

It just makes me ANGRY that they don't GET IT. Leave me alone. Let me be. Let me be me! I've fought to be myself all my life, now just let me live out my senior years without having to put up all all the bullshit (the mormons that is).

I just filed for early SS, so I'll only be working part-part time, about how much I did before my husband left me.

IF I have to get mean with the mormons. I will. They better not cross my path today.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 05/29/2019 05:03PM by cl2.

>>I just filed for early SS

Good for you, cl2. I'm the same age as you, and I'm trying to hold out for the full SS. But it's agonizing at this point.

What an accomplishment!

summer Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I'm trying to hold out for the full SS. But it's agonizing at this point.

It is good to wait till full age so you won’t be limited in how much money you can earn without them cutting your SS. But they make people wait too long...some will wait till they’re 70–ridiculous!!!

I agree with you about resigning, which is something I didn't get around to saying. I had other things going on while I was typing up that reply--work phone calls, etc., and I didn't get around to saying--BY ALL MEANS--RESIGN. I am so glad I resigned. To me, it made a statement about how I really feel about the church and I took back my control. And I mean BACK. As they always had control over me. Damn, they still do at times like the day my daughter got married. AND if she got married now and she could have her ceremony outside the temple, they still have control of me.

Yep, I live in the midst of them, but I am lucky in the fact that most of my family doesn't believe, but there are days that I'm just weary of it all. When my boyfriend retires, he might go live in Canada on his daughter's property and build a small home or in Denver in one of his son's homes he owns. And I always said I wouldn't follow, but I might just do so.

I tend to wonder if my daughter will allow me around her kids. So I have options. For all I know she'll be living downstairs when her lovely mormon mother (who was on a mission at the time she got married) comes back and she has to find a place to live. She knows she can live here and there is room. So I don't know what the future holds. I may end up living on an island in Canada. Ha ha ha Whoever thought?

But I say RESIGN. I said I never would. It is one of the best things I've ever done for myself. I will NEVER regret it, and THIS ONE will never be going back.

Oh, I showed my therapist the e-mail my aunt sent me after my daughter's wedding (haven't been able to go to him for about 6 months because of work) and he read the first sentence and said how horrible it was. When he got to the 55 steps--he said, "WTH?" And he had a statement for every sentence. I don't know what I'd do without him.

Just always remember--if you ever do wonder, that we are the UNCLEAN.



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 05/29/2019 03:23PM by cl2.

I'll have the thread scratched if I messed up and hope you can forgive me.

No problem at all!!!! My reply to your's on the other post was because they just don't get it, do they! I mean they followed you for years and years. We have to be saved. We can't possible by happy.

Your post really did not bother me AT ALL!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/29/2019 04:43PM by cl2.

cl2 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> We have to be saved. We can't possible by
> happy.


Reminds me of that verse from the BOM, Alma 41:10:

"Do not suppose, because it has been spoken concerning restoration, that ye shall be restored from sin to happiness. Behold, I say unto you, wickedness never was happiness."

I'm just all over the place today. I hate learning new accounts as there is so much to remember. It is especially difficult when you work at home AND the people who are in charge are back East and by this time of day, they are done working.

I'm just not thinking well today.

I'm just angry at the mormons.

One nice thing about being a "former" who is out is a whole bunch of fake friends who never, ever bother me again.

Super wash,

Yes my cult fake friends dropped me without a thought. :(

CL2,

Yes , you have also been extremely helpful to me! Especially your humor!! Extra-especially that funny you posted showing how members are ranked(converts last, ha!)

So glad you don’t have to do the Sam’s gig anymore!!!

mel Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Extra-especially that
> funny you posted showing how members are
> ranked(converts last, ha!)

Although humorous, it also rang true. I printed it for later reference. I believe it neglected to point out that affluence can overcome problem ranks.

Cringe-worthy thought: Imagine LDS officially adapting China's "Social Credit" monitoring software... (*shudder*)...

I loved resigning! I carefully wrote our "letter of resignation", and edited it down to a cogent 2 pages, and enjoyed telling EXACTLY WHY my children and I left the cult. Most of all, I enjoyed TELLING THEM that all our church ordinances, and especially the temple rituals were NULL AND VOID--including my sealing to a wife-beating thug, and any connection with my children and that fake sealing. I told the Mormons that God loves us. It felt good to take charge.

Yes, I get confirmation all the time, that the kids and I did the right thing.

As for the fake friends--the shunning is very unpleasant. The Mormon neighbors never were my friends in the first place, though. They never knew me on any deep level. They just used me for my music and teaching, and used my children to populate the waning Primary, and as scapegoats for their sick need to dominate and abuse children.

The Mormon problem really hit me when I had a 2 week "staycation", when all of my children were to be out of town together, and I would be left behind to work, and take care of the pets, and water the yards, etc. I had two absolutely free weekends, and I needed a break. The caveat was that I could not leave SLC. I decided to take a break from Mormons.

I didn't go anywhere where I would run into someone who would shun me. No shopping at the neighborhood stores. I would walk the dogs only up in the mountains. I wouldn't drive any distance on roads with rude drivers. On Sundays, I wouldn't drive past the church building. No contact with Mormon family members. No KSL or Deseret News (I always avoided those, anyway.) No local news or politics. I even blocked all phone calls from Mormons--but I never told anyone I did that. No e-mails, no texts, no messages, for two weekends. It was so great, and I was so relaxed and refreshed, that I decided to do that every weekend!

For me, that's the happiest way to live in SLC, and the next best thing to moving away. I spend weekends with my children and grandchildren, my not-Mormon friends, and a few life-long Mormon friends from childhood and college. We escape up into the mountains and ski areas, whenever possible. I still am always reachable to my work colleagues, because I like them, and none of them are Mormons. I don't feel I need a break from work, as much as I need a break from crowds of nasty, rude Mormons, after work. I don't go where they go, when I know they'll be there. I have different interests and hobbies, now. This is how I do Christmas, too. I turn down invitations, if a lot of snobby Mormons will be at the party. I simply don't give Mormons the opportunity to snub me, or misjudge me, or try to reconvert me, or make me feel bad, or tell me to read the BOM, etc. I got very tired of being upset all the time.

I don't open e-mails from Mormons. I don't go on Fakebook at all. My life is kept private from people who are not my friends.

The trouble is that I'm having such a fun, peaceful life, that I don't make enough of an effort to make new friends. I don't need to replace the cult in any way, or join any groups. You don't need to belong to an organized group to do charity work or to help others. I do reciprocate with old friends, take my turn hosting parties, etc., but compared to the social mania of the cult, I feel like an introvert. But that is OK!

caffiend Wrote:
-----------------------------------------------
>
> Although humorous, it also rang true. I printed it
> for later reference. I believe it neglected to
> point out that affluence can overcome problem
> ranks.

Oooh, me too, Caff, printed it out! And I think you’re right being fab wealthy would topple every barrier. Beauty only got me stared at by the men and hated by most women, as usual, always seen as a threat to their marriages as if I would ever want their stupid husbands, sheesh.

If so, I'd like to hear about it. Perhaps I'm out of the loop?

The only one I know who returned was my polygamous brother. He was exxed but eventually promised to give it up and was rebaptized. He now claims to be a mainstream member with only one wife.

Cheryl Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> If so, I'd like to hear about it. Perhaps I'm out
> of the loop?

There are very few, but I have encountered one or two in the past. If, say, one person out of five thousand does this, I don't see this as being about numbers but confirmation bias.

Jordan Wrote,

>I don't see this as being about numbers but confirmation bias.

Yep, or just an urban myth they keep telling.

All I know for sure is, it won’t be me going back!!! Out forever!!!

I'm being serious as I'm wondering what happened to the other wives.

I don't know anyone who resigned who went back. I have family members who haven't resigned, but I know will never go back. MANY! I'm the only one who has resigned. When I go to my nephew's son's graduation party next week, I'll show him how to resign. He has told me several times, "I've served my sentence."
My brother wants to resign, too. I need to get with it and get them all resigned.

exminion, Your post about finally having a temple null and void!! reminded me that I may not be legally divorced, but I am temple divorced . . . the most important step.

Mormons, for the most part, actually treat me better since I left than they did while I was mormon. They just think I'm too nice of a person to not be one of them. They didn't live here when I was active mormon.

One of my very best friends (whose daughter saw me at Sam's) doesn't get off her bed. She is TBM. She is one who has never tried to get me to go back. I tend to believe she doesn't believe as she had figured out I didn't believe before I told her and she could understand why, but her whole life is tied up in mormonism. All her kids are extreme TBMs, but she raised them that way. I've tried to get her to go places with me, but she won't go anywhere and her daughter told me that she only will see this daughter and nobody else. Sounds like a happy mormon woman, right?

One of them ran away because he was abusive. I think he might still have had wives out there who he wasn't claiming.

I quit associating with him at a point because I didn't respect his choices and he was never nice to me from when I was a toddler.

The TBMs I know also treated me better after I resigned. I think they respected my courage and they were surprised that I'd take charge in that way. Perhaps it also made them a little fearful.

where your brother thought he had some kind of authority over you and over the family.

I don't understand how you can have several wives and then just pick one.

I resigned and I have never been harassed by cult members. Family members yes, but that is the extent of it. Why is that that I don't get harassed and others do?

And also if family calls and requests it.

"Please phone my mother and invite her to church. I'm best friends with your SP and I'm sure he's approve.

That is so messed up and wrong.

They left me alone for a long time until my daughter went back to church IN THIS WARD. She was in college. Now she is living in the house of one of her mormon mothers who is on a mission with her husband to the temple in Nauvoo for a year. So my daughter and her new husband are taking care of their house. So my daughter is STILL in this ward. And when she worked in Alaska, guess where she usually went to church when she came back to Utah?

The neighbors next to me who invite me to church parties have only been there about 10 years???? It doesn't seem that long, but I think it is. I get along with them great, but they seem to think I might want to go back. I'm going to have to make it clear one of these days. They know I'm not divorced from my husband, who lives here and is gay, and they know I have a boyfriend of 14 years and he lived here for a while with us and I used to live with him in Colorado, but they still invite me to all the ward parties.

I'll have to tell them I resigned. Most of the people in the ward don't know I've resigned. Even the newer bishop didn't know. I had to tell him.

It goes in spurts. It has been coming at me from all sides in the past few months. Oh and I have a very TBM aunt who is in her 80s who seems to think I need to be saved, too, no matter what I've told her. She even went so far as to give ALL my mother's descendants book of mormons for Christmas with a personal letter to each of us. MOST of us are not active mormon. AND most of those book of mormons are still sitting in my parents' house in the dining room. My disabled brother lives there and my parents have been dead for over 10 years. So I'll just leave them there and when they come to leave their gifts next year as they always give us something--they'll see all those book of mormons still sitting there. My daughter has mine.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/30/2019 11:06PM by cl2.

cl2 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> ...a very TBM aunt who is in her 80s who seems to think
> I need to be saved, too, no matter what I've told
> her.

"I need to be saved" is a phrase I associate with Evangelicals, Baptists, and so on. Is this an idiom Mormons use much? If you're not "right" with the church, and they want you back, how do they phrase it? I'm very curious.

...(M)ost of those book of
> mormons are still sitting in my parents' house in
> the dining room.

That is why your town gives you recycle bins (or bags). Now be a good citizen, and let those BoMs reincarnate as Amazon boxes, toilet paper, or something!

piece of shit husband come by next Christmas and see the books all there still wrapped and very few picked them up. My boyfriend kept his. I gave him one years and years ago and his mother still has it.

Saving us is one of the statements they make. Reactivating. I'm sure others could come up with better things they say. I had one person say to me they wanted to bring me back into the light. I was told I needed to save my husband (before marriage).

If I still had my aunt's letter she added, I'd have a better answer. She felt that my mother talked to her in the temple and told her she had done all this genealogy in life, so could my aunt please save her family for her. So she was trying to decide how she could do that and so sent us all BofMs with their testimony in a letter.

Well, it just so happens that last fall when I found my brother's grandson, she had told me that this is what my mother must have been talking about. We found out my brother's son (who he never met) had been killed in a car accident, but that he had a son. I saw that my nephew who had passed away was on ancestry.com and so I asked my aunt to see if she could find his son. That is when she told me about my mother telling her she needed her help. Now it is save the whole family. Well, it was ME who found the grandson by doing some detective work.

My friends have never talked to me about leaving. They don't want to. I assume that they say things like, "It's so sad. She was so strong." They probably regard me with pity. I think they assume that I was offended and that I'm broken in some way because of it.

I don’t think there’s much difference between walking out of a 5-year-old’s tea party and being kicked out.

We’re under the influence of Satan, have been offended, are lazy, or just want to sin. They can’t get it into their skulls that they are the misguided ones.

babyloncansuckit Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I don’t think there’s much difference between
> walking out of a 5-year-old’s tea party and
> being kicked out.

Ha!!!

> We’re under the influence of Satan, have been
> offended, are lazy...

Yes. I don’t want to do their mopping and vacuuming.

I’ve been out for 6 months now and the poor shlub with the cleaning .org job still sends me an email every seven weeks letting me know this week is my turn to be on the crew.