One of the many horrible things that I don't miss about church/conference is the "amen guitar solos". Let me explain.

This is where a speaker is about to close his talk, but decides to go on with a riff on the "in the name of Jesus...amen" by adding a run on sentence as a mini-talk for 1-5 minutes. The master, the jimmy Hendrix of our amen solo is currently held by sextuplet-ed-chin, Holland.

"And I say these things in the name of the one who beckons, the light of the world, the savior, who came to this earth to redeem me and you from our most persistent faults, even the Shepard, who bids you return, the master of disaster, the heavyweight champion of the world, even of other tiny worlds, he one we call lord, the lamb, the offering, he who directs interplanetary traffic, the one who'd change my tire on a Sunday, My main man, the original G, our friend and redeemer, Jesus Chris, amen".

I like it when people, particularly stake or high council guys try to do their own riff. They usually limit themselves to a simple "I declare these things unto you, my brethren, in the name of JC, even our savior, amen"..easy Clapton, don't hurt yourself.


"...the holy one of Israel, the president of the galaxy, he who cares, the giver, yeah, he who would tie your shoes when your back hurts, yeah, he who even today calls for you and I……"

-hmm. EXCUSE ME, Mr. Holland, I don't want to speak for everyone here, but I think that we all just pretty much know who you are referring to, so if you could just kind of wrap it up, that'd be peaches, you long-winded bagpipe.

The casserole is getting cold and the jello salad is melting in the heat but some crazy guy wants to draw attention to his devotion to Jesus by rambling on forever. No matter to him that babies cry and kids squirm and whine while mom pinches them or pulls their hair to remind them to be reverent.

Well, it is a good way to stand out in the crowd, and be deemed uber spiritual. LOL!

"uber spiritual"

That sounds like a taxi ride I don't want to take.

I've been on that ride before. No thanks!

That was SO funny! Like SNL on RFM. Hahahah ha. I would love to have your post read by Dan Ackroyd back in the day.

And I know just what you mean. The worst one ever for me was at the dedication of a grave. I'm sure the deceased actually did roll over it was so over the top.

Agree.
sb, that was hilarious. Nailed it!

Haha, thank you. I find "Mormon fanciness" especially ridiculous. From their speaking mannerisms,mysticism to their "historical" claims to their absurd and ever-conflicting claims. But unto ye my brethren I say that I invoke a blessing that your loin may pass the veil and may ye get the very purest and very first of dibs on the polygamists women in heaven may not a single one be chubby.

Hahahah. You're killing me. Mormon fanciness! Hahaha.


They do it to brag to each other about how righteous they are. I've heard many of those Jimi prayer solos in my day. What goobers.

There are only two ways to go. Say it ao fast that barely anyone notices, or to reinvent the formula thus. Most of the time it was the rushed ending in my ward, but occasionally the prayer solo - usually one of our would be intellectuals or visiting soeakers from the stake.

I saw that stuff when a man was trying to impress a young lady in the audience, showing off how many sentences he could put together! Sometimes he would also strut as he stood up or walked up there: chest being stuck out, shoulders straightening, fussing and preening to make sure EVERYBODY noticed how FINE his build was!

At least it was fun to watch!