I resigned 13 years ago. My hubby won’t be bothered with resigning, but he’s been inactive for decades.

We moved half way across the country 5 years ago and I was so thrilled when our only contact was a couple of phone messages from the Kentucky missionaries.

A few nights ago, the missionaries rang and then banged on the door. I hoped they were just canvassing. Nope. Same thing today.

Please remind me of the best ways to get them to GO AWAY.

"Please remind me of the best ways to get them to GO AWAY."

Pepper spray or file for a stalking order.

Just tell them you are not interested and say that

their visits are not appreciated.

If they persist explain to them that you will call their

bishop to complain about them.

I highly doubt that they will come again when you let

them know they are not wanted. Tell them you resigned

your membership.

The Bishop has no direct authority over the missionaries. Their reporting chain is to their mission president and to his general authority/supervisor. The mission office or mission President's home can be found. Sometimes, it's in the phone book. Pay them a visit in-person and tell them you are visiting because of what Elders (whatever their names are) did or are doing and that you don't appreciate it. If you find the mission President's home, all the better. Try to visit at a most inconvenient time, like a Saturday late afternoon or early evening. Come unannounced and let them know you can knock on his door any time you want to. Leave some anti-mormon literature or pornography on his door and tell him you'll be back if his missionaries don't leave you alone.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/19/2019 10:25PM by azsteve.

I think we're programmed to be nice and polite to them. We always beat around the bush, expecting them to take a hint by our disinterested tone of voice.

That never works. One can always be politely business-like, but firmness is definitely needed when explaining that we are not at all interested.

We're still programmed to never be offensive. It annoys me when I know that I'm not giving into that old programming.

I want to imagine that if you were to invite them in and then to offer to get them signed up on RfM, that it would start one or more of a number of processes that would get them out of your hair.

When you tell them about RfM, let them know that you are sharing the joy of RfM with them with more fervor than they have ever shared their silly, moribund gospel.

Let them know that RfM will free them from the Luciferian-lockstep of the mormon church and release them to the joy of finding the life that THEY want to live.

Preach this to them and you will sleep like a baby and the missionaries will cease to trouble you.

I say this in the name of Jiminy Cricket, amen.

Jiminy never lies ... he is true to the faith.

Hubby answers the door naked and woody.

they should know that you aren't that person and then if they press for personal information just tell them that you're not going to give your personal information to strangers.

It's an honest way of approaching things (technically). They think they've found someone who may be interested in being reactivated. Neither of you are that person because you have zero interest in being reactivated. You have no obligation to go into any details with them concerning your identity.

I personally don't believe anyone who doesn't want to bother going through the formal resignation process should need to do it to avoid being harassed. The resignation process is their process. There is no obligation to participate in their process.

If you want, just tell them that you resigned because you can declare your resignation on your own terms anytime anywhere. If they say "we don't have any record of you formally resigning", tell them to go put it in their record if it makes things work better for them. Their records are their thing. You have no responsibility for their records and procedures.

Alternatively, if you just politely but firmly tell them that you have no interest in meeting with them or going to their church, they'll usually get the message. Most missionaries I know will not keep going back to someone who has clearly told them that they are not interested.

Copy of final out letter to Mission President with statement that you refuse to be treated as a member and legal action if they continue to do so. Problem with that method though is your husband not having resigned.

Did you ask them what is wanted ?

I've not had your problem but if I did I've thought I'd just tell them they've got the wrong address. They probably are looking for the previous occupant and they did not leave a forwarding address. If they argue the fact just ask, "Are you calling me a liar?" Slam door in their face.

I've also thought I'd act shocked and say "I've seen a documentary about your compound in southern Utah. Please leave my house and never come back or I will call the police!" Slam door in their face before they get a word in.

Most of my suggestions would involve making them as uncomfortable as possible and ending the conversation ASAP.

If you want their visits, make them not want to come back, which means, threaten their faith.

Invite them in, and explain why you don't like the church, why you don't like polygamy, why you get confused when the leaders change things, and why you would prefer the terrestrial kingdom.

Ask them what they really like about sitting in meetings, as opposed to their hobbies.

And on and on. Don't debate doctrine or truth, just your feelings, as they try with you.

Works for me. After doing this, don't see them for years. Assume they put something next to my name.

Having said this, I don't mind their visits. I was once one of them, so don't fear them as so many seem to here.

Meant if you don't want their visits...

Wanting privacy and freedom isn't the same as fearing.

Print out the URLs of the essays on the top of the board and give it to them :)

Say you will ask for police assistance if they harass you further.

I had to install a no trespassing sign and then inform my local law enforcement agency. They assured me that they would enforce the law against any person or persons refusing to leave my property. I'm the one that had a pair of elders that argued with me and then locked their bicycles to MY fence.

The no trespassing sign has worked so well that all of my utility companies that regularly access my property make a call before entering. I asked one that was parked in the street and he told me that he didn't want to enter because he saw my posted sign.

Look, I had to be rude and tell them to eff off. They haven't returned since I cussed out them for refusing to leave my property.

I've lived here 33 years and I had one set of missionaries show up in the years after I went inactive. Since I've resigned, we've had 3 sets, but it has been a while now, although a set of missionaries did stop me when I was walking my dogs, but they were very nice. I kind of felt sorry for them as they were so desperate for me to give them something to do, promising they wouldn't talk religion.

If they pounded on my door, I'd be livid.

The sister missionaries first lied to me and then after some statement they made, I said I had resigned and they said, "That's too bad." And I said, "Not for me it's not." Sometimes I'm fast with a comeback. They haven't knocked on my door since that day and it has been quite a few years.

It's the ward members and relatives who are my problem.

I don't have an answer for you.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/20/2019 11:32AM by cl2.

You have options. The important thing to remember is that it's your house, your rules, they have literally no power except to knock on your door, which is annoying, but only an occasional nucenance.

If you really want them to stop. Tell them to do just that. You don't have to be mean or emotional, but you might have to be forceful. Don't bother with letting them say "Hi" or tell you who they are, you already know that. Open the door and say something to the effect of, "I will not be going back to the church. I do not believe it's teachings, that is not going to change. I resigned some time ago. Do not come back." Do not let them answer this, simply close the door and walk away.

If they do come back, repeat what you've said and add, "You have now ignored my wishes, you are trespassing. If you continue to ignore my requests to be left alone, I will call the police and file a harassment charge and look into filing a restraining order." Then shut the door.

If you want to invite them in and point out all the problems with the church, you can do that. In my opinion, based on my experience with being a missionary, this invites them to hope that you'll be back. You're talking to them at the very least and they will continue to return in hopes that you will continue to talk to them, their goal being to wear you down.

Not to mention, it's generally a waste of your time.

Just remember that you are in control. It's your life, you've already said "NO". Some people (or organizations in this case) need to hear it multiple times for it to sink in.

Invite them in for a bong hit and cold beer! I hate feeling guilty about just telling them no... this way I offered them some refreshment and was nice and courteous... and they know right out of the shoot they won't be dunking me anytime soon!

Shame on you. You should feel 'special'.

Your husband wants to be treated as if he has resigned, without actually resigning. That's absurd, and as you are noticing, not very effective.

Just resign. It takes all of 5 minutes or less to send them the email. That will get your names off the ward roster. Or you can expect to deal with being visited at random intervals for the rest of your life.

Yeah, it is probably possible if you work at it hard enough to stay a member and still get them to leave you alone, but why? Use the right tool for the job at hand.

I would have explained that we were no longer mormon, didn't want any further contact, and given them $20 to get something to eat.

"Please remind me of the best ways to get them to GO AWAY."

COMMENT: First, every person who is on the membership roles of the Mormon Church at some point either voluntarily joined (convert), or became a member at the instigation of their parents or guardians. In either event, such joining involved a formal commitment as memorialized in a voluntary ceremony called baptism. This practice of voluntary membership in an organization is not unique to Mormonism, it is part of our social structure, and involves membership in any organized group; political, social, or religious. People join; They commit to some cause; They sign up!

Disassociating oneself from a group or organization that one had previously voluntarily joined usually involves a formal written directive, i.e. some notice of one's intent to withdraw from the group in writing! That is the way it works. Until then, as one remains on the books, any organization, including the Mormon Church, has a right to assume that you have some level of commitment to the group and desire to remain a member, regardless of your activity level. So they keep showing up, usually wanting your time and/or your money. There is nothing malicious about this. It is how our society works. After you sign up, you are a member until you resign or are kicked out.

People refuse to formally resign from Mormonism for a variety of reasons, including, first and foremost in my view, a psychologically persistent uncertainty that Mormonism is in fact false, and a desire to "hedge their bets" by remaining a member. Other reasons are often equally lame. If you don't believe it or think it is evil, distance yourself from it; resign--regardless of what the spouse thinks, the mother thinks, the children think, the dog thinks, or any other person or animal thinks. It's your life, just do it. (As they say.)

So, to answer your question, your husband needs to man up. Otherwise, Mormons will rightly think he still has some level of commitment, which is implied by his remaining a member. As such, they will continue to stop by from time to time to try to rekindle the fire. In other words, in this case it is not the fault of Mormonism, its the fault of your husband! If you want them to go away, he needs to resign.

In case it is not already evident, I personally find it offensive when people on the Board complain about their interactions with Mormons, while dutifully inviting such interactions by remaining a member. Many of us here resigned at extreme sacrifice; loosing spouses, family members, friendships, etc. I have little patience for people who constantly profess their knowledge of the falsity of Mormonism, and its evil deeds, while maintaining their membership; supposedly for some ultimate "good". Some might call this hypocrisy.

Many of us never voluntarily joined the mormon church. Baptism at 8 under parental pressure is not voluntary.

I don't know of other churches or organizations that expect it.

What other churches or organizations "expect" is beside the point. Some may be less formal and less intrusive by their nature and mission statements than others.

The question is: If a person is on record with an organization as being a member because of the voluntary choice of that person, or his or her parents if the person was a minor, does that organization have the right to act on the assumption that such person has some level of commitment to that organization?

Clearly the answer is yes.

Moreover, given our general social understanding as to how someone communicates their unequivocal desire to withdraw from membership of an organization--without misunderstanding as to one's intent, and to ensure that such intent is recorded for future reference--is it unreasonable to require a formal, written, request indicating such intent?

Clearly the answer is no.


So, what am I missing?

Henry, I agree with you that the best step to get rid of unwanted Mormon visitors and callers is to resign (although as we all know, that isn't always entirely effective.)

But having grown up Catholic, I can tell you that the Mormon church is unparalleled in its ability and desire to track people down and pester them. I walked away from the Catholic church without anyone bothering me about it, ever. When Catholics move, the local parish is unaware of their existence unless they choose to register there. Catholics figure if you want to go to church, you will show up. And if you want to be a member, you will register at your local parish. Even then, the church will not harass you. Mainstream Protestant churches are similar. Many of those churches will drop you from their rolls if you are inactive for a year or more.

Henry, I agree with you that the best step to get rid of unwanted Mormon visitors and callers is to resign (although as we all know, that isn't always entirely effective.)

COMMENT: Well, I have been officially out for 15 plus years and personally have not been bothered since leaving. But others may have had a different experience. In that case, I would firmly agree that such post-resignation harassment is inexcusable and should be illegal and actionable. But that is not what we have here.
______________________________________

But having grown up Catholic, I can tell you that the Mormon church is unparalleled in its ability and desire to track people down and pester them. I walked away from the Catholic church without anyone bothering me about it, ever. When Catholics move, the local parish is unaware of their existence unless they choose to register there. Catholics figure if you want to go to church, you will show up. And if you want to be a member, you will register at your local parish. Even then, the church will not harass you. Mainstream Protestant churches are similar. Many of those churches will drop you from their rolls if you are inactive for a year or more.

COMMENT: Again, it is not about what other religions do in this regard. I readily admit that the Mormon Church is unusually active and aggressive in their proselyting to both inactive members and nevermos. But, the appropriate withdrawal standard here is not gaged by what the least intrusive group does. Rather, the standard--in my opinion-- should be what is reasonable given social norms and concerns, and the nature of the organization.

It is certainly part of our democracy that people and their groups often have controversial agendas. People should be able to unequivocally join and withdraw from such groups. Moreover, arguably the more aggressive and controversial a group is, the more important it is that they have explicit, reasonable, and documented joining and withdrawal procedures. The Mormon Church has such procedures. (At least they do now.) If someone does not want "to be bothered" by accommodating a reasonable resignation procedure, fine. But don't complain about being "harassed" by unwelcome representatives trying to assess and re-establish your commitment.

It's up to the individual to decide how they will leave. They can write their resignation on a napkin or on a paper airplane or on a wadded piece of sandwich wrapper and toss it at the bishop if they choose.

The individual decides when they are no longer a member. The functionaries of the organization do not get to choose who will be a member if they have left and said they won't be back.

If that were the case, then every apostate is still a member now from Joe Smith's day up to when the current system of resignation was originated.

Freedom of religion means freedom for individual citizens, not just for organizational policy makers.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/26/2019 07:08PM by Cheryl.

"It's up to the individual to decide how they will leave. They can write their resignation on a napkin or on a paper airplane or on a wadded piece of sandwich wrapper and toss it at the bishop if they choose."

COMMENT: Was it up to the individual to decide how they would join the Church? This strikes me as a bit petty; and laced with anger and resentment at the expense of reason. (And, believe me, I have as much anger and resentment against Mormonism as anybody!)

O.K. What is in the head of the individual member as to how he or she wants to resign is his or her own damn business. But, if someone truly wants to be "off the record" as a Mormon, and truly wants to distance himself or herself from Mormon stupidity, then why not comply with a reasonable resignation procedure? After all, such obstinate spite is doing more harm to the apostate than it is to the Mormon Church, which gladly continues to count such people in their statistical records as members--leaving the false assumption that they can be counted among the believers. Do we really want that?
________________________________________________

The individual decides when they are not longer a member. The functionaries of the organization do not get to choose who will be a member if they have left and said they won't be back.

COMMENT: See above. Again, when joining did you (or your parents) when faced with the prospect of baptism have the attitude of NO! I will decide how I want to join this Church? Like it or not, joining an organization has consequences, including consequences related to how to effectively get out.
________________________________________________

If that were the case, then every apostate is still a member now from Joe Smith's day up to when the current system of resignation was originated.

COMMENT: This post is about a practical problem, not a philosophical one. But let's assume for the sake of argument that dead people (including historical apostates) are somehow still counted as members in the Mormon afterlife. Presumably, we can also assume that there is some procedure available for them to formally resign as well. Personally, I like to think that at death all membership bets are off--one way or another.

I get em about every 5 years. This time they were sisters.
I just happen to still be in bed when they came. Looked out the window to see who it was. Then went back to bed. Wasn't about to put my pants on for that discussion.

Thanks everyone for helping me think my way through this.

I didn't open the door either time they visited. They had to know we were home. With regular people, they would get a clue and quit coming back. These aren't regular people.

I'm all for having my husband resign. He's certainly NOT staying out of even the tiniest smidge of belief. He hasn't attended a Mormon meeting in over 20 years. He claims that:

A) He shouldn't have to resign.

B) If his parents saw that he resigned, they'd be hurt.

The problem is that I'm the one that is super bothered and he doesn't really care...about them...or me...damn.

I wouldn't exercise the "nuclear" option from the get-go (screaming, threatening, etc) - hold that in reserve.


On their next visit, open the door, verify that they are indeed, Mormons, and, smiling all the while, say something like:

"Your idiotic religion is so completely silly and stupid, that I laugh just thinking about people actually paying money to belong to it."

Then shake your head, start chuckling, and gently close the door.

Under no circumstances ever engage in conversation with them: chide them, laugh at them, and close the door.

I once put my hand on the shoulder of a mishie, and quietly told him, "Mormonism is silly." - He had an immediate, visceral (non-verbal) reaction, as if I had said something rude about his mother. He departed with companion, never to be seen again.

As you open the door hand them a watchtower.

JW’s are a lot easier to get rid of ( overly Patriotic stuff on the door and yard, or car, etc)
What about a giant ,life size JS dart board with dart holes all over his face and a couple of darts left on his face or through his head?

I handled the problem with pesky Mormons showing up unannounced by resigning. Since your husband leaves that a non-option, then perhaps place a "no soliciting or proselytizing" sign on your door. You could handwrite one that includes "Mormons included."

When Jehovah Witnesses weren't taking the hints after posting signs on my door, I hand delivered a letter of cease and desist to the local Kingdom Hall. I actually spoke with the person who claimed to be in charge of that congregation while I was there (he was cleaning, and let me in the building the day I showed up angry at the intrusions they kept up plying my door with their unwanted solicitations and pamphlets.)

He said he would put my name into their database of "not to be contacted" going forward, so I won't be hearing from them in the future. Since then I haven't. No more pamphlets or doorbell rings at all odd hours of the day. Those people don't know how to take no for an answer.

With Mormons they'll keep after your husband as long as he's on the rolls. Unless and until he resigns, he's open game to them. Maybe try the 'no proselytizing' sign and see if that helps for now? Mormons have no boundaries and are clueless when it comes to respecting yours.