It just hits me in the head from time to time. Like a panic attack, I just want to die, period, like a suicidal "get me out of here"-feeling right into my bones. Hard to explain. Got one now, it happens ten-twenty times a year.

Why did they do this to me?

... (some comments removed by Admin due to the "no preaching" board rule)

If you have suicidal thoughts, brush those thoughts off of your shoulders and tell yourself "I am okay. I am good enough. I am going to win".

Sometimes, those thoughts can also be a genetic makeup in our physical selves. (Like, for example, my genetic make up includes dementia. Long family history of it, doggone it ). If the depressive, suicidal thoughts could possible be a physical or genetic link , it is COMPLETELY OKAY to get medical help. I am sending hugs to you !!!!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/21/2019 01:01PM by maude.

Sticky posts are at the top of this first page.

Please call if you're still feeling this way and talk to someone who understands and can possibly point you in the direction of local resources that could be helpful to you.

Keep reading here too if it's helping you - many have been through similar experiences and it's always good to read/hear about how others have dealt with it.

All the best to you. Hopefully, you can check back in and let us know that things are looking up for you.

I'm glad you came to RfM and I'm glad to tell you that we care.

I don't know who did this to you or why. What I do know is that I'm sending good thoughts and hoping that this feeling fades fast.

Be strong and do something that cheers you. For me, that would be to get out in nature or curl up with a good book or a favorite movie.

I bought yummy olive oil lavender soap and lotion for my bathroom the other day. That cheers me when I use it as it's pretty and smells good, and feels good on my hands and arms.

Perhaps some of you favorite music or a special snack would help.

Be well.

Maybe you are low in B12 occasionally. It can sometimes trigger depression.

It sounds like clinical depression. My ex had the same thing you describe. It’s accompanied by a “brain fog”. You may have a gluten allergy. Try avoiding carbs and limit your diet to find out what’s bowling you over. You’re troubleshooting your diet by the process of elimination. Even if some foods weren’t a problem before, you can’t be sure due to changes in farming methods.

If you’re low on serotonin, pick up a magnesium supplement and take some 5-HTP before bed. That helps for mild cases.

I would like to suppose (because I have neither knowledge nor training on the matter) that blood chemistry and the effects it can have on the brain are behind 'random' suicide ideation.

I lie far away on whatever continuum this is on. I have been told that I would be a billionaire if I could bottle and sell my brain juices. If only it were that simple. But I'm probably median with regard to empathy, so I feel a degree of concern.


Here's all I can do, post a quote and then the URL:

"But for me, and I suspect for countless others like me, the threat of suicide isn't like being carried over a waterfall — it is like living in the ocean. Not as sea creatures do, native and equipped with feathery gills to dissolve oxygen for my bloodstream, but alone, with an expanse of water at all sides. Some days are unremarkable, floating under clear skies and smooth waters; other days are tumultuous storms you don’t know you’ll survive, but you’re always, always in the ocean.

"And when you live in the ocean, treading to stay afloat, you eventually get the feeling that one day, inevitably, there will be nowhere for you to go but down.

- - - - - - -

"If it sounds like I’ve accepted my fate, resigned myself to the pull of the ocean floor, I haven’t. But if I had, it wouldn’t be for lack of trying. Outside of anecdotal evidence, scientists just don’t know a ton about passive suicidal ideation — which means they also don’t know much about how to treat it."

https://theoutline.com/post/7267/living-with-passive-suicidal-ideation?zd=1&zi=subtquxk



The Wonderment of Wondering, and best wishes to you.

I don't know what is causing your suicidal thoughts, but I do know something that might help.

One of the things now known is that there can be a link between suicidal thoughts and a relative lack of certain nutrients (most importantly: Essential Fatty Acids) in the brain, especially if you are not eating the healthier "fatty fish" (wild salmon, etc.) as a regular part of your diet.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-breakthrough-depression-solution/201109/nutritional-risk-factors-suicide

If nutrition is one of the factors which is causing, or contributing to, this in your case, then you also need a good multi-nutrient (vitamins, minerals, certain food elements) supplement, because if you have deficiencies in one nutritional area, you may well have other nutrient deficiencies in other nutritional areas.

Go to your local health food store (if you have one nearby), or a GNC or Vitamin Shoppe store, or a health-oriented supermarket (like Sprouts), and you will be able to find good quality, and well "constructed," nutritional supplements--often specifically intended for brain support and supplementation.

If they have employees trained in nutrition, ask for recommendations for Omega 3 Fatty Acids (this is where you start), and also for their best multi-nutrient supplement available for your gender and your chronological age.

I am very, very sorry you are dealing with this, and I wish you all the best in finding both the things, and the life elements, most important for you.

Thank you for your feedback. Feels better now.

Just a bit tired.

Its hard for me to believe that nutrients or lack of, causes suicidal thoughts. I will say that exercising helps tremendously with depression, but I have a hard time believing lack of nutrients can make you want to kill yourself.

Why not? Sitting through a Mormon service does it for me.

logan Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Its hard for me to believe that nutrients or lack
> of, causes suicidal thoughts. I will say that
> exercising helps tremendously with depression, but
> I have a hard time believing lack of nutrients can
> make you want to kill yourself.

Did you read the article I linked to in my post?

If you don't feel that nutrients (specifically, in this case, nutrients for the brain) can contribute to not only suicidal ideation, but actual suicides, then Google:

Can lack of nutrients lead to suicidal thoughts?

Can lack of nutrients lead to suicide?

(The returns are somewhat different for each question.)

What does your horoscope say? If Mercury is in retrograde, best run like hell!

I am somewhat dismayed by some of the advice offered here by people who are trying to be helpful. I have suffered from severe depression in the past and spent my career in a medical school psychiatry department as a faculty member doing research on brain chemistry.

NO ONE should offer medical advice on such a place as this Forum when a. they do not know the person b. they have NO medical credentials. Clinical depression is NOT caused by a diet vitamin deficiency or an "allergy" to gluten. You need to see a medical professional who is competent to discuss this with you. There is no more stigma attached to a mental illness issue than to the flu!

Please seek out a psychiatrist or mental health professional with experience in treatment of depression and who does not use religious factors in his/her treatment of patients. Feel free to ask questions about the approach...you are BUYING their service so you can be selective. Go at a time when you are NOT experiencing these symptoms if you can so that you can discuss them rationally. You need to discuss this issue with someone, not a faceless Board such as us.

I wish you all the best.

Reaching out for something supportive is hard to resist when it's so easy to do in this connected-machines world.

The thought arises in my empty head: maybe it's the reaching out that matters, not the content of the resultant flow of verbiage that comes back to you. ...just the establishment of a connection versus the content of the connection.

My kids give me a reason to go on living. My dogs do. My boyfriend does. Even my niece and nephews. One of my nieces and 2 of my nephews are like my own.

I couldn't do it to them. I've never been a quitter.

But I have suicidal thoughts OFTEN, too often, but I'm still here since 25 years of age when my boyfriend told me he is gay. It's been a long road and I've survived and I will continue to survive.

My son attempted suicide twice. I worry about leaving him behind.

I assume none of that helps. Do you have a pet? Do you have kids? Kids who aren't giving you problems? Do you have a phone that you can hook up to music and go out for a walk? Walks change my mood entirely after about 20 minutes. I continue to walk for miles and miles.

Writing this has actually helped me, although today has been a good day so far. One of my ex's old boyfriends stayed here last night and we talked last night and this morning. He always cheers us all up. We love for him to visit.

Get out of the house. Go for a ride and listen to music turned up LOUD, some of your favorite music.

I love eod's other quote, too, but this one seems to fit me these days since I seem to have found the answers to so many parts of my life.

"If it sounds like I’ve accepted my fate, resigned myself to the pull of the ocean floor, I haven’t. But if I had, it wouldn’t be for lack of trying. Outside of anecdotal evidence, scientists just don’t know a ton about passive suicidal ideation — which means they also don’t know much about how to treat it."

And P.S., I just burned the chicken again. It is salvageable. You have no idea how many times I've done that lately. I'm laughing.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 06/21/2019 03:55PM by cl2.

Having been raised within the confines of Mormon mormon mormonism, I too had suicidal thoughts from time to time. Wherever I heard a talk in church about the second coming or the end of times, I paid close attention and hoped that it would happen very soon. I even thought to myself that "I hope it happens before next Tuesday when the house payment is due".

Along the lines of hoping for the end to come, I often dreamed of running away to another part of the country where nobody knew me and I could start over. I most certainly wouldn't be going to any mormon mormon mormon church anymore.

I think I felt like most of my problems stemmed from trying to live an impossible life as dictated by the mormon mormon mormon church. I just couldn't do it, and pretending like everything was peachy king just added to the stress. I was living a lie, and was supposed to think that that was okay. It wasn't.

I can only suggest that you be true to yourself, and follow your heart. Forget being true to the bishop, or any spiritual leader who tries to force you down a strange path that just isn't comfortable for you. Once I took control of my own path, I stopped feeling like I wanted it all to end.

I have a good method of dealing with thoughts of depression and anxiety. It's only more of a temporary fix. But I have used in for decades now and it minimizes the symptoms. I say it's temporary because it's more symptom management and not complete relief. For me, therapy and time have made things better, not completely better but better than they were at one time. In the meantime, you have to live your life and should live it to the fullest. To do that, you need to look at the depression and anxiety as a disability, just like a broken arm or leg that won't heal or that takes years or decades to see any improvement in, would be a disability.

I have learned look at these unpleasant symptoms objectively. Acknowledge them as a disability and objectify all of these unpleasant thoughts in your mind, just as you would learn to do if you had a leg that wouldn't function normally or if you needed daily insulin shots to stay alive. You shouldn't dwell on these things as a reason to not want to live, even if those are the nature of the unpleasant thoughts. These feelings shouldn't be ignored. You feel them like you might feel pain in a broken leg. But they are not you. They are your disability like a broken leg could be your disability. They should be managed and when you learn this distinction, you can smile and enjoy the day, knowing that you've still got work to do. You adjust, just like someone would adjust when they have to figure out how to get their wheelchair in and out of their vehicle. For me, there is an ebb and flow when it comes to these feelings. On good days, all is good or is mostly good with little or no effort. On bad days have to I budget time to work-on and process the thoughts in a healthy way and at a time of my own choosing. Budget time for it if/when necessary. I tell those that love me "It's back. I just need some time alone for a few hours" or maybe for a day or two. It's kind of like returning from the dentist after having a tooth pulled and telling someone "it hurts like hell" and laughing when you say it, knowing objectively that this pain is a normal part of the process and that things will get better.

To make this work, I have had to rely more on my intellect and to know that I can trust my intellect when my feelings aren't working properly. If you've been gas-lighted in the past, this may not be easy. But it's necessary. At one point more than twenty years ago, when I started learning how to do this (on my own and without professional help), I found myself alone and in my apartment. The bill's were all paid, no one I knew of had any reason to want to harm me, and yet my anxiety and paranoia felt extreme and urgent. I intellectualized these feelings and realized that these feelings were a symptom and then decided to just trust my intellect. Everything was okay (per my intellect) and then I objectified the anxiety like a headache might be objectified when you choose not to cry about it. "This is not me. This is the result of a long-term disability". Indulge the feelings. Don't ignore them. Just let them come and go like you would experience any other pain. But don't ignore them. Objectify them while knowing that they are only a symptom. Trust your intellect. Eventually they pass, even if only until the next time. Teaching yourself how to spot the symptoms early is the hardest part. When you see what is happening, let others (who care) know that you're not feeling well today (if necessary because they can tell that something is wrong with you) and avoid making important decisions unless you're sure that your intellect is in control of everything. If you do this correctly, your capacity to feel empathy for others increases, not decreases. The length and severity of each episode decrease over time. At the same time, work on these issues. Get therapy, talk to others who are interested in your issues, learn to communicate about how you feel. For me, a part of the plan is to keep looking for ways to expose and discredit the cult that took part in causing these things to begin with. It's not about revenge. But more about how to stop others from having to experience these things that I have gone through. The final stages of grief comes to finding meaning. I am still working on that one.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/22/2019 09:59AM by azsteve.

That’s a good way to deal with Mormonism. The thinking scripts in my head, like guilt and neurotic thoughts, are not from me. They were put there by a parasite that would have sucked me dry and left me for dead. I can come up with better scripts and would never treat anyone in such a way.