Posted by:
Nightingale
(
)
Date: June 28, 2019 02:04PM
A link in a post by sharapata caused an unexpected flashback for me today. I was surprised as although my Mormon interlude was unpleasant from my baptism service onwards (I stayed in for 3 years, figuring I had made “commitments” and was therefore obligated) it wasn’t overly traumatic. Certainly not like what you hear/read about the deeply negative experiences of BICs and long term converts. Thank all the powers that be I did not marry a Mormon. No baggage. I could just quietly fade away. They were as happy to see the back of me, I assume, as I was to never darken their doorway again, as nobody from church even called to see if I was alive or dead, not even the bishop, and no VTs or HTs. I spent most of my time with the missionaries, even after baptism. That was likely unusual and not the expected course for a new convert but that was where I found the most comfortable space. And I never did manage to make any more Mormon friends. Talk about making someone feel like an outcast.
Unfortunately, even being with the missionaries was fraught – quite a few negative experiences, including getting involved in a “domestic abuse” situation, as I regard it, between one domineering sister missionary against a younger much more submissive one, who thought it was all *her* fault, instead of being able to see that abuse is the fault of the abuser, despite my best efforts, including taking her to the mission home and talking to the MP about the situation. (He was quite nasty to me and refused to consider that there was a problem). They kept the abused sister at the mission home for a week, to further inculcate her into the ways of a mission, in my view, as she came back doubling down on sticking it out and submitting to whatever was going on in their apartment. It really soured me on Mormonism. Weird. Creepy. Depressing. The abuse, by the companion and the mission president and his wife, included not seeking appropriate medical care for the submissive sister even when she was obviously very ill. (I did manage to get her in to see my own GP, which I paid for, as well as lab tests, having no idea that the church had a medical plan and nobody informed me of such before or after the event. Again – weird).
The MP also instituted a rule against ward members feeding missionaries any more, unless there was a serious investigator present – hard to come by, as we all know. I noticed that some mishies were very hungry on an ongoing basis, and they were already skinny at the start. I ended up buying them groceries so they could at least make basic meals in their apartments.
The abusive sister missionary in the end showed her true colours – being a total hypocrite – by apparently falling in love with an investigator and getting engaged. They sat together at general conference, with no pretense even that her comp was with her, and the MP had no problem with it, as it was allowed to go on. They tried using me for cover, which I resented. Turns out it didn’t matter as they acted like lovebirds instead of missionary and investigator and no censure from the MP, bishop, SP or anybody came their way. In fact, she planned to leave her mission early and get married to him and the MP gave his permission. IIRC, the guy was already married and had a child. They ended up breaking up soon after.
Then, of course, there are the missionaries who act like your best friend and then immediately drop you following your baptism. The couple in the ward who had intro’d me to the mishies (I had known the husband through some volunteer work I was doing) also dropped me following my baptism (an unpleasant experience for them as well, right enough, as I’ve detailed here before, when the bishop accused me and the husband of having an affair – I was mortified – and what a dope not to walk away *before* the baptism that evening – again, I felt so committed that I couldn’t back out – stupid!). When I was discussing it with the member in question afterwards (who had baptized me), he said it was my fault. All righty then. End of "friendship".
I cried all the way to a Christmas concert I was taking the missionaries to one night (a few weeks after my baptism). I told the missionary whose family had been EVs before converting to Mormonism – surely a rare event. He had been the most instrumental in persuading me to be baptized. It was the first time I could talk to someone about the incident as I was so upset. I told him what had happened and he was shocked. He apologized “on behalf of the church”. (OK, you 19-year-old kid, you!). I’m not really an easy crier so that showed me the depth of my disillusionment, sorrow, embarrassment, regret and shame.
So, now, after years of being out, I regard myself as “over it”. Then out of the blue it hits me again. Just how truly awful the entire Mormon interlude was, for many reasons. I haven’t thought about it in depth though for quite a long while. Then I opened sharapata’s thread, clicked on the link and wham, right between the eyes again. It was the photo of all the missionaries sitting at a conference.
Flashback. Big time.
Man, you’ve got to be cautious about clicking!
I’m fine. And obviously it’s not anybody’s fault in the here and now. But colour me surprised today by an unexpected flashback that brings all that unpleasantness to front of mind again.
I guess by definition flashbacks are always unexpected.
Here’s the thread, and the link. It’s just a picture of rows of smiling missionaries. On the surface, nothing to see there. But I guess it pays to watch out for what lurks beneath. Things can leap up and bite you in the tender spots.
Lucky me. NOT going to Mormon meetings again in my lifetime.
Thread:
https://www.exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,2236899,2236899#msg-2236899Photo:
https://www.deseretnews.com/article/900077168/church-announces-mormon-mission-lds-cost-increase.htmlEdited 2 time(s). Last edit at 06/28/2019 02:10PM by Nightingale.