Posted by:
Breeze
(
)
Date: July 04, 2019 02:39PM
Arizona--ugh. Yes, it is too bad that Old Mom didn't get a vote on where.
Still--Mom has a vote on WHEN. Who says she has to move immediately?
She can take her time selling her house. She needs more time to pack up a lifetime precious memorabilia, her furniture, her clothes, etc. Rushing this huge move could injure her health! Will the movers be doing all of the packing for her?
I would advise her to take her house off the market until she is pretty much sorted-out and packed-away. I made a huge move with small children at home, and a husband who did not do one thing to help (we later divorced). I packed boxes gradually, over a period of 6 months, kept them as small and lightweight as possible, and stacked them neatly in half of the garage. When we put the house on the market, buyers understood that half the garage was being used for storage. The rest of the house looked sensational. We stored some of the furniture, too, to make the house look more spacious. We were in California, and the house sold very fast. There would have been too much strain on the children, as well as myself, had we been rushed.
Often, when ultimatums and deadlines are given, submissive people fail to see that they still have choices within those parameters.
--She can choose the time-frame.
--She can choose whether to live with the family, or live separately.
--She can choose to stay in California for a few more years.
--She can have family come and visit her in California.
--It isn't "now or never."
--She can choose to visit her family in Arizona, any time she likes--preferably in the winter.
--She's got her doctors, her friends, and for transportation she can use Uber, or her friends. She might be fine.
Why is the rush being put on her to move NOW? This makes me suspicious. Obviously, since she has lived many years in her house, she will make a great deal of money from selling it! I suspect that her son wants to use that money for his own move, and his own new house. He probably wants her to "pitch in" on a bigger house with that extra room and bath for her. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Many old people love helping their kids. Her son would do better just to ask her outright.
Personally, I LOVE living with my daughter and her husband and family! Everyone has their own preference. I love my grandchildren, and my house is way too big and expensive for just me, alone. We have a rent-to-buy agreement. It's a good neighborhood, and all of their family members live nearby, and go to the good schools here. My son-in-law (who has a great career) helps with the taxes and utilities, and he and my daughter have done a lot of repairs and renovations. It's a win-win, and I'm happier than I've ever been.
As for the "eternal order", the old-school way of thinking has been that the job for the primary breadwinner is the top priority. The old woman's son has to support his family, and perhaps the best job for him is in Arizona. Children usually are considered ahead of old people, too. They need a safe neighborhood, good schools, opportunities for lessons and interests, part-time jobs, college, etc. The elderly need mainly good medical care, and happy surroundings. Friends, travel, interests and hobbies are up to them. Luckily, most communities in the USA provide well for old people.
Elder abuse, to me, means bilking them out of their money, perpetrating fraud (such as quack doctors, bad elder-care institutions, fake miracle potions, scam investments, etc.)
Elder abuse is coercing old people to leave their families, and go away on multiple church missions, and pay for all of it. Old friends just got back from a mission in Hawaii, where they were forced to live in a Mormon-owned apartment with no air conditioning! She was sick most of the time. Finally, she and her husband moved into another apartment for the last two months of the mission, which made the Mormon leaders angry. One mission isn't enough, now. My old TBM neighbors went on three missions, until the wife died two weeks after coming home.
Elderly Mormons are accosted in their homes by sales teams, persistently harassing them to "remember the church in their Will", or to donate to BYU, or the Perpetual Education Fund, or anything they can grab money for. These teams are usually an older couple, in the same ward as their targets. They pretend to be concerned friends. A pair of them came to my parent's house, when my father was dying of cancer. They came unannounced, but we knew them as "friends," and invited them in. They said they wanted to visit with my parents "privately", so I left the room. That should have been a red flag, but I had no idea why they were there, until after they left. They stayed until 10:30 at night, yammering at my sick father and distraught mother. I didn't listen, so didn't know what they were saying. I finally came into the room and told them, jokingly, that it was my parents' bedtime. My father didn't turn over any of his estate to the cult, but he did write a huge check to BYU! We stopped payment on it the next day.
What about all those old people doing temple work? Do they seem happy?
I know two TBM 80-year-old widows who still take their turn cleaning the church building.
My sweet 76-year-old uncle is one of the the stake financial clerks (They need a team of financial clerks, now, instead of just one, like in the old days) and he had to miss a fun trip during Christmas vacation, because he was needed for tithing settlement and year-end financials. He said, "I was so happy to retire from my job. Why can't I retire from church?" I reminded him that it was just VOLUNTEER work, and all he had to do was say, "no." He just shrugged his shoulders, in submission.
The Mormons use the example of the Big-15, and how they work until they die! No one knows they are "propped up" and dressed, and taken care of, and have staffs of help. My relative was a Big-15, and I've read Benson's stories about this. Yeah, look at the perks! Look at the enormous financial benefits they and their families are getting out of it. The ordinary old Mormon schleps get nothing. They just keep paying more money to the cult--even paying tithing on their social security!