I have been inactive LDS for last 14 years and just resigned.
It is a bitter sweet feeling. It wasn’t until recently I asked myself if I should resign? What triggered it was a few of my clients have left and moving into a new neighborhood where we are only ones inactive or non member. Asking this question, brought up fear in me even though I haven’t been in so long. That fear told me they still have power over me. Will I be damned? All the temple blessings being taken away? Will I loose my children forever ? Even though I have led a spiritual life and lead a life of values and ethics ? I even asked would GOD still love me ? These questions hurt. As I did more research, it’s hard to believe what is found . I was heavily indoctrinated most of my life. I was the daily scripture reading temple going visiting teaching momo. After my divorce 14 years ago and 3 kids under 5 left to take care of, the challenges of going to church and managing became impossible and though remaining a relationship with God I needed to take a break from the church and see how I can just be me, but somehow 14 years later the gnawing in my subconscious has creeped up and the lingering energy of the power the church has over me I realized is still there . Friday I put in my resignation, hoping to be free and be the lady Creating the life free of fear without the Dogma. The church has added some value to my life and for that I am grateful. It also left me with chains and deep wounds I feel like I may have to battle with forever

Religious fears can stay with you for a long time. They will eventually fade. You have to remember that Mormonism was founded by an untrustworthy con artist. What Joseph Smith said, what Brigham Young, etc. said, carries no more weight than what you or I say. They were ordinary people who wanted money, sex, power, and control, and who were more than willing to promulgate religious fear-mongering to get what they wanted. They were not spiritual or inspired people.

Most Christians believe in a heavenly afterlife where they will be reunited with their loved ones. This is the afterlife that I choose to believe in, where there is love, forgiveness, and kindness. You can choose to believe whatever you want. You don't have to accept someone else's thoughts on the matter.

“This is the afterlife that I choose to believe in, where there is love, forgiveness, and kindness.“

Thousands of documented NDEs seem to confirm such a belief. Meanwhile, nobody ever ever died and came back to describe giving the special handshakes or being denied access to loved ones.

If Joseph Smith or Brigham Young were alive today, they’d be in prison. You can do better than having awful human beings as role models.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/07/2019 09:35AM by babyloncansuckit.

I hope you find the time invested here to be worthwhile.

I've found that 'growing up a believing mormon' leaves a lasting imprint. You seem to have a handle on it.

When I went inactive, found out the truth, and then resigned, I still had to keep bringing my thoughts back to the basic facts that the "church" is a cult and cults are experts at brainwashing and gas lighting. The members are not true friends, and the cult was founded on deceit, theft, lies, the occult, and murder ( the MMM, the Danites). I finally chose to believe in a God of love, not fear and I also choose the belief in an after life with with loved ones and beloved pets, but that's my thinking. You are free now to believe and feel however you want. That's the sweet taste of freedom.

Welcome. Nothing is quite as good as living your authentic life.

Thank you for your thoughts. I am in mourning . I threw away my temple clothes along with my x- husbands from 14 years ago. I have a beautiful white dress above knee length, that shows porn shoulders and a large portion on clavicle lol ... my boyfriend sends me picture as he is doing laundry “washed your beautiful white dress, it’s clean now” of course because I am emotional it hits hard. I know I am clean nothing to be forgiven of. I haven’t cheated nor a porn addict I am a good mother do the best I can and the Brain washing is what makes you feel unclean . It worked on me :( and really have wondered if I am an enemy to God but logically doesn’t even makes sense. I can’t deny the existence of a universal intelligence as I have experienced and seen with my PHYSICAL not “spiritual” eyes things unexplainable . I never wanted to admit I need a xmormon support group but I need to find a way to heal for a while so I can eventually leave both sides of the coin in the past



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/07/2019 11:17AM by tenaciousdeb.

Deb, I grew up Catholic. The Catholic faith also puts a huge emphasis on being free from "sin." I eventually came to the realization that it is not a mentally healthy thing to put your soul and character under a microscope like that. As long as I do not willfully harm others, I am free to live my life as I wish.

When I was in my 30s, and living in NYC, I was chatting with the neighborhood Catholic priest. He urged me to come back to church "and make a good confession." And I was thinking, confess what? That I was sleeping with my boyfriend and taking home a pen or two from the office? Is he serious? I was an ordinary woman leading a largely blameless life. I am not going to sweat the small stuff (And for the record: It's mostly small stuff.)

Welcome to the board.

Welcome, Deb! This place is loaded with information and many folks who understand what you are going through. :^D

Good for you, tenaciousdeb. We have seen many posts like yours here. I experienced what you describe myself many years ago. Exmormons can be a diverse group. They can shock you but I guarantee they will make you learn and laugh.

Once you realize what is going on, you can't unsee it.

You are dealing with the guilt that you have been conditioned to feel through repetitive LDS teaching.

If possible, focus on being a good person, good mom, and spending time discovering what truly makes you happy. Find spirituality from new sources, like nature, music or hobbies. It's exhilarating to define your own purpose after leaving the McPurpose of the church.

You won't believe just how deep the rabbit hole goes once you learn to question. It's a life quest. It is flying free to live an authentic life of your choosing.

I understand the mourning feeling. It's like leaving behind a childhood friend. You outgrew the church and saw through it. That's a good thing.

Yes I agree! I have been working on that when I stopped going 14 years ago and why now I can still feel the after effects and the Mormon angel whispering in my ear causing fear I am damned . I been brain washed . It’s not enough to just stop going . A real energy is attached just by having your name on record an underlying feeling of still being a brain washed momo

Every time these feelings arise shrug them off and replace them with a pleasant non-mormon image or memory. Keep doing this until the early programming fades forever.

Remember this: There is no reason to be grateful to the mormon church for whatever benefit you found there. After all, we don't usually worship other influences that helped us.

I realize that the mormon church helped many members in many ways, but there are other churches or influences which would have contributed as much had there been no mormon church in existence. The benefits were likely because of how you used the opportunities and not purely because the church was trying to help you. Take credit for your part in the equation.

I was a teacher and have had many students thank me for what I did to help them, but in truth, they used the opportunities presented, It was their choice. A student with a different attitude might not have benefited from the exact same situation and attempts to help them.

my beliefs in mormonism. I hadn't let go of showing respect for the leaders and that was a huge relief for me when I found this board. I realized it was the leaders who had fucked up my life with my consent of course. My story is on here in many areas.

I remember ONE TIME when my old boyfriend had come back into my life and I was having a difficult time with him. He was just getting divorced and we were in a long distance relationship, which made it very difficult. One day I was mowing the lawn and the thought came to me, "Maybe if I was still going to church, I wouldn't be having this problem." I quickly realized that I had trusted the leaders more than anyone in my life and my life had really been a fucked up mess UNTIL I left mormonism. Then my life started to right itself. Of course, I still have problems. I never think I'm damned and I am an "adulteress"--been separated 25 years and in a long-term relationship with my boyfriend from age 20 and I'm 62. I wear the badge with pride as I was such a good little mormon girl. They used me and abused me.

MOST, if not all of the people on this board were like you--we were VERY DEVOUT. I was the most devout of my family and my parents never thought I'd leave (they listened and were supportive, I didn't have extreme mormon parents).

I was never going to resign, but my daughter, who went back at age 21, kept bugging me about going back, so I resigned to make a point. It was such a HUGE RELIEF. It is one of the best things I've ever done for myself.

Oddly enough, I never worry about where I'll be or who I'll be with. I tend to believe in an afterlife like valkyriequeen. I want to see my dogs again. I don't worry if I'll see my parents again or other loved ones, etc. I don't have to jump through hoops to be with them and, for sure, I don't have to be a polygamist or a queen over some world that I never wanted to be, and I won't have to wait for Abinidi to call forth Lucy.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/07/2019 01:53PM by cl2.

Someone on this board (please take credit if you are reading this) wrote something so profound once that I wrote it down and look at it often. "You took control of your own soul".

Congratulations TenaciousDeb. You'll never ever regret

leaving. Pat yourself on the back and get busy enjoying

your freedom.

Thanks for your post! I basically left Mormonism years ago but finally resigned a few years ago when the church called my youngest son on a mission. He was 17 and not yet graduated from high school. The church leaders didn’t both talking to me.

Your mixed feeling are VERY normal. Here’s advice I received from my current clergy regarding Mormonism—accept and embrace the good parts of that part of your life, let go of the negative or hurtful parts. Celebrate who you are and love your family who choose to remain in Mormonism. Try to live your faith the best you can by loving people, including those whom you’d normally ignore.

With that in mind, I waited outside the temple when children got married. I attended mission farewells and homecomings. I watched baby blessing and baptisms. Do I miss not being in the temple, standing in circles, etc.? Absolutely not! I don’t normally have anything to do with Mormonism and nay participate on MY terms.

I’m free to now worship and question the way that works best for me. As I live in Utah, I’ve found about a third of my current congregation was LDS, including several returned missionaries and other couples who married in the temple.

If you’re not a believer, that’s good, too. Find people who will accept you for the undoubtably wonderful person you are. Nurture those interests that you could not pursue because you were engaged in Mormonism’s busywork. Enjoy making friends with those whom Mormonism branded as sinful or unworthy.

I hope this helps. There’s a beautiful world full of wonderful people out there. You’re free to now determine how Mormonism will fit into your current life, if at all.

As far as being worried about going to hell, let yourself off the hook. Feel free, if you still believe in God to find a safe, welcoming, and inclusive faith community. Thoughts of hell and punishment are fear tactics best shunned. A loving God isn’t going to damn people for mistakes or non-belief.

Very best wishes!



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 07/07/2019 04:10PM by BYU Boner.

I remember getting angry about being constantly told that I was bad. I was not enough. I’d failed to have that ideal Mormon family. I’d failed altogether.

Finally my soul fought back. I’m a good person! I have a good heart. I was afraid if I wasn’t Mormon, I would become bad. I called BS on that. How does constant guilt, fear, and shame make you a better person? It doesn’t.

Shame on them for putting good people in such a toxic mindset.

Welcome, and thanks for sharing.
Those are the nightmares and triggers and guilts and fears TSCC is built upon, and infects it's members and doctrine and practices with. Resigning feels good! Liberation, from hellO.

TSCC is designed to damn.
We are designed to be free.

Welcome to RFM, tenaciousdeb.

I, too, am a divorced mother, a working mother, a woman without the priesthood in the home, and I raised my children in a "broken home." Yes, there is a stigma that Mormons put on divorced women. My children were taught in Primary, that because their father and I weren't married in the temple, that our family would "pass by each other as strangers" in the hereafter, and would be alone forever. This upset my children terribly. The Mormons take Heaven away from people!

The current church president (The Prophet) Russ Nelson says, outright, that he doesn't believe in unconditional love. He goes even further, by saying, "Unconditional love is anti-Christ." This is a direct quote. I believe, as other Christians believe, that God loves us ALL. "God is Love." I believe Mormonism is God-less.

Mormons negate Christ's Atonement, by saying that all are not saved. They believe that only a few people will be saved, "through OBEDIENCE to the laws and ordinances of The Gospel (meaning, the Mormon church." This is a quote from the Mormon Articles of Faith. One error or glitch in your life, such as getting a divorce, refusing to go on a mission, not being able to pay tithing, getting a tattoo, not getting married in the temple, and you are judged as being imperfect, not obedient, and "following the path of Satan". What a depressing religion.

A lot of people have left because of Mormon hatred towards women, gays, other races, and other religions, (it's all in their scriptures). I added onto those reasons, and left because the Mormon leaders were abusing my children. It was after I left, that I found out that the abuse was only the tip of the iceberg. I would have left sooner, if I had known any of the many secrets the Mormons are keeping. I have been through the temple, and have attended temple marriages, and that ridiculous hoax would definitely have made me leave.

The more you learn about the Mormon church, the more you will realize that leaving was the right thing to do.

The Mormon church is a cult. After I left, I studied about cults, in order to help me recover from the brainwashing and the superstitious fear. RFM was a great help to me!

The people who have answered your post are amazing human beings! I know some of their stories. I think they are heroes--as are you! Congratulations on resigning. Taking action is a very healthy thing to do. I hope your children aren't still trapped in the cult, but if they are, your example will help lead them out.

Resigning from the Mormon cult, with my children, has changed our life! My depression disappeared almost instantly! I was so tired of being used. My self-loathing is harder to get rid of, but comes and goes, only occasionally. I gained in self-confidence. I could concentrate on my career more. I had more free time to spend with my children. I had 10% more money to help with their tuition and quality of life. My children and I are so much happier! We were shunned when we left, but we have prevailed, in our Mormon-dominated neighborhood. My kids have loyal, life-long non-Mormon friends, they graduated from the U of Utah, got great jobs, married good people, and have homes in our same neighborhood. We have always been a close family unit--against those who wanted bad things to happen to us. Instead, the bad things happened to THEM.

It is possible to live a happy life surrounded by Mormons--we did it, and you can, too!

Oh, and keep your mind open for a while, on what you decide to believe in. My church experiences were so negative, that I have not joined another church, but I choose to believe in the teachings of Christ. Some ex-Mormons end up atheist, some enjoy exploring other religions. When I left, I knew only one fact: Mormonism is a hoax. But that doesn't mean everything else is a hoax, too. I agree with the other posters, that now you are FREE to decide for yourself!

You will be happier, I promise!