Well, exmos, how do you explain it all to your friends, co-workers, people that you meet?

I feel like having been a member of that church is such a singular experience, it's difficult to tell others about it who haven't lived it. How do you tell them about why you wore garments for years? How do you tell them about the two years of your life you gave up? How do you tell them about how convinced you were that the Book of Mormon was the word of God?

I'm at a loss when people ask me about my religious background or my upbringing. I'm not afraid of being judged or ridiculed, but I have a hard time explaining to people who have never "been there" was it was really like.

So how do you do it?

I don't talk about it and don't like to talk much about my past with people I know. My friends don't bring up religion, past romances, and I don't ask them about it either. But of course in some settings or workplaces people divulge their life stories and secrets and have to pretend to be bff or something.

I like to keep conversations on a lighter note. I may ask what their past job was, but it's impolite to pry into others lives.

To each their own. I had a BFF style conversation today with a woman I met yesterday. We talked about our kids and sibling relationships and school placement decisions and even...religion, but just a smidge.

No prying. I love a good share fest with another woman. If at any time I get a cue that conversation isn't wanted, I shut it right down.

Whatever works for you.

I generally don't discuss religion with my friends, and as far as work goes, religion has never come up. I was a hormonal convert, so my time as a Mormon was brief, and I left before I could have gone to the temple and had to wear garments.

As far as work goes, we generally don't discuss religion. The closest religion comes up is telling a coworker whose relative just died that you're thinking of them and their family.

For me, it’s rare that the subject of religion comes up during conversations (I personally never bring it up). If someone happens to ask me about my religious affiliation, I own my past. I say that I was a very devout Mormon for the first 50 years of my life, but that I’m agnostic now. Nobody (so far) has asked any questions about my Mormon life.

I think it would be an interesting topic of conversation if anyone brought it up, which they don’t. I find the pathology of the church fascinating. I got to live through something that no longer exists and will never exist again. It was a unique thing, back before Hinky, Monsoon and Jokes.

and that I somehow managed to deprogram myself and get out of the cult with minimal (albeit somewhat noticeable) brain damage.

The longer I’m out, the more normal I feel. Although I was a BIC Mormon for 35 years, religion has nothing to do with my present life. I only talk about it on RFM. My children don’t talk about either.

Religion has nothing to do with my career or social life. The volunteer work I do is within the medical community. I purposely haven’t joined another church. When I’m socializing, it is an escape from the grind, and there is relief from problems, fun and laughter. We avoid discussing politics, as well as religion.

My grandma used to say, “Familiarity breeds contempt.” I think that Mormons try to be too intimate, to the point of being invasive! I mean, what normal friends need to know about your underwear? Mothers and daughters in normal families don’t talk about birth control, their sex life, or if they are trying to make another baby, or how many children they want. My normal friends don’t ask who people are voting for. To ask someone how much they make is very rude! Yet, the bishop demands to know this he demands to talk to your child about masturbation, ant to know the details of the child’s sex life.

All of these subjects are off limits. This information is unnecessary. I don’t talk about my painful root canal surgery, or
The details of childbirth. Likewise, I don’t go into detail about the Mormon abuse my Kids and I suffered.

One doesn’t need to know those things, in order to know who we are

We are so much more than ex-Mormons.
We are so much more than former victims.

If anyone asks, you can tell the truth about Mormonism. I shout it out! “It’s a cult! Run away from it!”

If they want to know more, refer them to a book, such as “in sacred loneliness” or “no man knows my history” or Cheryl’s book, or to RFM, etc.

Let me tell you about my gallbladder surgery....

As members of the Mormon church we were conditioned to answer personal questions, especially during interviews/interrogations with the bishop. Remember that you are no longer a Mormon and no longer have to answer personal/uncomfortable questions if you don't feel like it. Just say you'd rather not discuss it. If they keep pushing for an answer, just tell them to look it up on Wikipedia and read all about it.

I avoid talking about it 90% of the time to non-members, or I just call it "the church" (which is vague enough not to draw attention to it). That's how I deal with it.

I like to talk about the Church to those who have little correct information. It is amazing to me the amount of disinformation many non-Mormons have. So I often defend the Church.

On the other hand,I also like to point out the warts the Church has, especially to tbms.

I quit going to Church 30 years ago so I could be out of touch. But the internet and RFM keep me informed.

Most people I know understand the concept of "I was raised a Mormon but figured out it was baloney." Of course, few of my friends have any attachment to religion, which is probably why we're friends. I didn't go looking for non-religious people. It just worked out that way.

I kept my former Mormon life a secret for a long time because of the reactions I feared I'd encounter. I shouldn't have been afraid.

I used to be uncomfortable at nevermo social occasions because I feared that declining alcohol would reveal my Mormon-ness. Because, you know, the WoW is such a huge part of Mormon identity, and the way we were taught made it seem like we were the only ones who didn't drink. But I learned there are all sorts of people who don't drink, and for all sorts of reasons. Saying, "No thanks, I don't drink," was just answered with, "Then might I offer you something else to drink?"

If the topic comes up, I'll casually say I was born into the Mormon culture but it wasn't a good fit for me, or I grew out of it.

I try to use humor and also add something positive so they don't think I'm too much of a jerk. I might say something like:

I went to BYU but don't hold that against me!
I didn't pick where I was born!

I credit my upbringing for my good work ethic.

In the right audience I might say something like, "I was raised a Mormon but then I actually read what they believe." Everyone laughs.

I turned it into a running joke.

or


"I was raised in a cult" and then just change the subject.


but my favorite way is "I was a goddamned mormon missionary, can you stand it? ME?!?!"

ETA: it always comes up with Japanese comes up. I can still hold a conversation in rapid fire and that shocks people and the first thing they ask is where did I learn it.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/01/2019 02:42AM by Levi.

I so agree with the wisdom here that Mormons are conditioned, BY THE CULT THEY BELONG TO, to blabber intimate details of their life freely, frequently and quickly to even someone they just met. To tune into one of these conversations, your friendly sky travel will provide the opportunity traveling from Utah or to Utah.

Soap operas are common. Too much info, too soon, and too fast is the name of the game.

I highly suggest you are under NO OBLIGATION in the least to give your friends any explanations concerning your religion unless you choose to, plus I highly suggest you move on it only if they ask. Then, keep foremost in your mind that you get to set your own boundaries....say as much or as little as you are comfortable with and what you truly want them to know.

Also, do not lump them in one "friends" category. Decide on a individual basis who is worthy of your trust. Who gets to have a piece of you. Your trust is special and is worthy to be given slowly and carefully.

I can tell you that I myself learned about healthy boundaries the hard way having horrible examples displayed growing up in my home and in the MormonCult. I was caught in an alcoholic/co-dependent abyss, where healthy boundaries were non-existent, and in the MoromonCult where I was expected to tell all at eight! to the Father of the Ward, the friendly bishop who I did not know well in the least (and, the friendly part had the potential of being, oh, say a little too friendly). I learned wonderful information on the internet and in books explaining healthy boundaries as well as from therapists.

Remember this...you "owe" no one an explanation just because you have been taught or told it is the case.

Thumbs up to this.

Only a select few will care enough to delve into the fine points of Mormonism, it often starts out in this choice:


a. Mormons have great Family Values


or


b. Mormons are Totally Weird.


to get past those.... Not so much.

My experience in other church circles was that it had some novelty interest 30 years ago but that being an exMormon is far more common today and it generates far less interest.

brb ~ friends explaining it to ziller ~

No body ever asked me for an explaination. I don't owe anyone

an explaination for anything anyway, besides which, no one

ever asked about my religious beliefs. I think living in

California is different than living in Utah where people

identify you by your church. That isn't important in Calli.

Basically no one is interested in religion. There are other

things to be interested in.

Outside of the deep south, most nevermos will not normally discuss religion. Sometimes I know people for years before it comes up in conversation. What I would do is have a couple of responses prepared if it does come up, such as, "I was raised Christian/Mormon, but I no longer practice it." Most people will understand that.

Two common get-acquainted questions in the South are, "Where do you come from?" and "Where do you go to church?" The first is to see if you might have friends in common. The second is to see if you might have a local social circle in common, not if you share beliefs (because it's assumed everyone is some flavor of Protestant).

We have some friends that we have known for over 40 years and they still don't know that we left the church. One couple in particular asks us what callings we have and it's always the same answer: we don't have any at the time. I finally have come to the conclusion that it's time to address the elephant in the room and the next time they ask, I'm going to give them an honest answer. Like I had said in another topic, "a straight up person is going to give you a straight up answer."

A person's religious background is their own business unless they choose to share.

If talking about it helps your recovery, go for it. "I was mormon but not since I figured out it was a false and abusive cult. I got smart and left. If you have questions, I'd be glad to answer them."

Actually, however you choose to answer is fine. But it isn't a good idea to talk about religion at work. Say, "I don't discuss religion, sex, or politics at work. Perhaps we can talk about it over a drink some time away from the the job."

My nevermo friends don't care. I've got very few Mormon friends.