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Posted by: cakeordeath ( )
Date: August 11, 2019 08:17PM

I spent this past week watching my mother and father reach the end of their physical existence void of the constant care of others. My dad is subject to his diabetic condition and age. My mother is prey to osteoporosis, bed sores, heavy sedation for back injuries in the last two weeks. Happily, I was able to enlist the help of two of my 3 siblings in taking care of diapers, showers, food, hygiene, and social interaction. But, this is only temporary.

My parents have great ward members who love them. They have fed, clothed, and taken them to dr. appointments over the years. On a human level, these people are well above the hubris normally associated with the Saints. To a fault, several of them are doing the work of health professionals that should have been done long ago. An oversight on the part of the church leaders and my parents children. Sadly, I have been, and made myself unavailable for several years when it comes to my parents.

In the days I've had access to my parents, they've chided me on not being active in the CHURCH. I've dismissed the proddings and asked them to just accept me as me. I love my parents with all of their warts and skin lesions. As do they me. In a more lucid moment this past week, my mother was lamenting her condition, station, and old age. I asked her, "Will you ever love yourself, Mom?".

She never answered me.

One of the great gifts that I've gained from leaving Mormonism and religion is that I love myself. I like me. I can take the hits now. I can listen to someone betray me, or speak ill of me and I'm heartened that I have critics. I have people who won't talk to me because of my choices in life. They are my strength, at times. It lets me know that hearts and minds might change in future times.

As I left my mom's house tonight, I again asked her if she loved herself? "I love you and therefore, I must love myself, too".


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Posted by: Levi ( )
Date: August 11, 2019 08:32PM

I hope to get there someday.

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Posted by: Lot's Wife ( )
Date: August 11, 2019 08:33PM

This is a profound post, Cake. Thank you.

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Posted by: cl2 ( )
Date: August 11, 2019 08:46PM

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Posted by: Topic Search Log In ( )
Date: August 12, 2019 03:55PM

I can't see it happening. My career is nowhere, no children and very few people care about me. I don't like most I hate my body, and what is happening to our society.

My life is meaningless and consumerism supplies it with no meaning.

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Posted by: babyloncansuckit ( )
Date: August 13, 2019 11:09PM

But Jesus loves you. Would you like to be contacted by missionaries?

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Posted by: summer ( )
Date: August 12, 2019 05:27PM

Your parents are lucky to have you and your siblings.

It took me a very long time to not only accept my faults and quirks, but to embrace them. My mom once said that my dad had told her, regarding his career, that he had made some good decisions and some bad decisions, but that he must have made more good decisions on balance because he was still gainfully employed. My brother would be about the same. I feel that in terms of my teaching career, I am very well aware of my strengths and weaknesses. I am mostly at peace with not being my employer's idea of the most stellar teacher ever.

That extends to my personality. I am well aware that I am not everyone's cup of tea for whatever reason. My mom was the same way, although she had a very different personality to mine. She was lively and vivacious with a strong personality, but also quite ethical, loyal, and true. It hurt me deeply to see certain women sometimes steer clear of her, or even worse, use her. My mom was a lovely individual who deserved to be valued for what she had to offer.

So I get it. Love yourself, flaws and all. Perfection is a false god.

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Posted by: scmd1 ( )
Date: August 12, 2019 08:07PM

I don't think I have much depth, but loving myself is not something that weighs on my mind. I need to be comfortable with myself and I need to treat others as I wish to be treated and to be able to live with my actions. Beyond that, I don't see any great reason to worry about loving myself.

I think it's of great importance to love my wife and children and to be kind and charitable to all with whom I interact. I sometimes fail at that, but I am trying.

Beyond that, I see no great reason to focus on loving myself. If someone with greater emotional capacity than I (which is probably almost everyone) does wish to deal with this concept, I'm all for it. I just don't really get it.

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Posted by: elderolddog ( )
Date: August 12, 2019 08:41PM

I've always assumed I was worthy of my own love... I'm not about to try to talk myself out of it!

There are people who love themselves so little, as in not at all, that they do themselves the ultimate discourtesy: taking their own lives. So, Doc, while you may not think you love yourself, you obviously care enough to keep on living with you. That's a nice compliment.

I think if you really examined the situation, you'd find that you are actually quite sweet on yourself! It happens!!

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Posted by: scmd1 ( )
Date: August 12, 2019 08:52PM

I can spout all day about how much effort I expend in taking care of my wife and my children, but at the end of every day I've done a lot more for myself than for anyone else. Still, I see it more as carnal weakness and giving in to physical desires, which I can only experience for myself, as opposed to manifestation of self-love.

Who the hell knows? I certainly don't.

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Posted by: Breeze ( )
Date: August 13, 2019 04:55PM

Scmd1, I was going to say that you probably already love yourself, but elderolddog said it first.

Loving yourself means something more than pampering yourself, or enjoying time alone.

I love what Cake and the other posters said!

Everyone is different, and "loving yourself" is something very basic and often too subtle to be noticed.

I have been noticing it lately, in how I deal with the Mormon shunners, and haters in all aspects of life. Like Cake and Summer pointed out, I can look at them realistically, and know that they can't hurt me anymore. I feel like there's something bright and pure and invincible as steel, deep inside of me, that no one can touch. I can still take constructive criticism, to help me make things better--what kind of botched-up job would I do, otherwise? But hatred, prejudice, undermining, stealing, lying, and abuse does not penetrate my strong boundaries. I will no longer accept garbage! I'm no longer a victim! I feel like I'm my own ally.

I love myself for discovering the Truth, and for saving myself and my children from an evil cult. I love myself for successfully dealing with past and on-going abuse, and for not perpetuating that abuse on into our future. Most of us on RFM can love ourself for these actions.

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Posted by: babyloncansuckit ( )
Date: August 13, 2019 11:21PM

I dunno, I kind of miss being a neurotic mess.

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Posted by: scmd1 ( )
Date: August 14, 2019 04:33AM

You're probably right. I'm almost caricaturishly stereotypical of my gender in the degree to which I'm out of touch with my own emotions, so I wouldn't know.

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Posted by: babyloncansuckit ( )
Date: August 13, 2019 11:16PM

If you can be there for somebody else, you can be there for you. It also goes the other way. Can Mormons be emotionally available if they have a bunch of reasons to not like themselves? I doubt it.

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Posted by: moremany ( )
Date: August 12, 2019 08:25PM

In all ways
I love myself

I am in everything
And nothing is in me

Wherever I go
I am free

To do as I play

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Posted by: Elder Berry ( )
Date: August 13, 2019 05:37PM

cakeordeath Wrote:
> As I left my mom's house tonight, I again asked
> her if she loved herself? "I love you and
> therefore, I must love myself, too".

Many religious people in my opinion love God as themselves. Your mom might have it backwards. To love others requires some sort of ground of love. It could be yourself, a god, a dog, anything.

Maybe you are her ground of love? Then she doesn't have it backwards?

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Posted by: moremany ( )
Date: August 13, 2019 09:48PM

Interesting thought-response.

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Posted by: Elder Berry ( )
Date: August 14, 2019 11:04AM

It isn't other peoples' shoes we need to try to walking in but on the ground of their love. To feel what moves them.

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Posted by: elderolddog ( )
Date: August 14, 2019 11:30AM

I'm very appreciative of this thread.

I'm sort of ’AynRandian’ on this issue. Love without sacrifice is wind with no sails. Ya gotta make some effort, as in raising a sail, or the ’flow’ of love can be meaningless... Yeah, that's a bit hazy, but I mean well...

I see an often ignored situation, where a person has a crush on a certain aspect of himself and mistakes that for true love.

How come more mormons don't kill their kids before they turn eight? What greater love could a parent have than to sacrifice him/herself in order to guarantee their kids Eternal Glory? Why didn't my parents give me this blessing? What were they thinking?

How come a person gets credit for minor, tiny donations but isn't condemned for not selling all he possesses and giving those proceeds to the poor? In an ideal world, wouldn't we all just be passing along a steady stream of ’donations’?

I think I know love when I see/feel it and I think we have to cut it a lot of slack, and no one can really judge another’s love, but thank baby Jesus I did not forget Saucie’s birthday this year.

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Posted by: Elder Berry ( )
Date: August 14, 2019 12:40PM

elderolddog Wrote:
> Love
> without sacrifice is wind with no sails.

> I think I know love when I see/feel it

Then you are only seeing altars. Love isn't a virgin. Love can be found coursing through the seams in a face captured by another that has long looked upon it and sacrificed nothing for it. Children take our time and may give us nothing in return except sometimes a chance to look at them again.

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