Date: August 11, 2019 08:17PM
I spent this past week watching my mother and father reach the end of their physical existence void of the constant care of others. My dad is subject to his diabetic condition and age. My mother is prey to osteoporosis, bed sores, heavy sedation for back injuries in the last two weeks. Happily, I was able to enlist the help of two of my 3 siblings in taking care of diapers, showers, food, hygiene, and social interaction. But, this is only temporary.
My parents have great ward members who love them. They have fed, clothed, and taken them to dr. appointments over the years. On a human level, these people are well above the hubris normally associated with the Saints. To a fault, several of them are doing the work of health professionals that should have been done long ago. An oversight on the part of the church leaders and my parents children. Sadly, I have been, and made myself unavailable for several years when it comes to my parents.
In the days I've had access to my parents, they've chided me on not being active in the CHURCH. I've dismissed the proddings and asked them to just accept me as me. I love my parents with all of their warts and skin lesions. As do they me. In a more lucid moment this past week, my mother was lamenting her condition, station, and old age. I asked her, "Will you ever love yourself, Mom?".
She never answered me.
One of the great gifts that I've gained from leaving Mormonism and religion is that I love myself. I like me. I can take the hits now. I can listen to someone betray me, or speak ill of me and I'm heartened that I have critics. I have people who won't talk to me because of my choices in life. They are my strength, at times. It lets me know that hearts and minds might change in future times.
As I left my mom's house tonight, I again asked her if she loved herself? "I love you and therefore, I must love myself, too".