Broke out of a cycle of abuse. Heavy conformity of opinions, recurring put downs, lots of alcohol, emotional outburts and honey-moons.

Now the same people want to get me back into the game. They are after my self-esteem, they have to get rid of it to get me back under their control. They are desperately trying to unseat me from my position of power. They are trying anything and it is scary. I feel it is like something not going on at a intellectual level, they are like wounded animals going on pure instinct. They do not see any value in anything I have achieved and they seem to be completely blinded by their narrow bias. They smear me, spreading lies, dog-whistle me at social events.

My new self-esteem have helped me lose weight, stopped drinking (sober for 19 months), enrolled at a university and will study for at least 5,5 years to reach a degree in a profession.

The sick thing is that these people say that they care about me but why do they try to put me down and crush my self-esteem!?

That is way I think they are irrational. They have no clue what they are doing. They do not see what I am doing.

congrats on your 19 months sober OPie ~


well done ~


also congrats on your other progress ~


admiring ~

My big revelation in leaving Mormonism was that it wasn’t me. It was them. I wasn’t leaving because I was offended or wanted to sin. I wasn’t the problem, they were. It was them all along.

If you’re talking about Mormons, their heads are so twisted around they can’t think straight. They live in an unhealthy (provably, not just my opinion) fantasy world. Them tying their self worth to your being part of their insanity indicates serious insecurity issues.

If they can’t respect your boundaries, get the police involved. This is coming from a hippie dippy softie. Mormonism is a disease you don’t want any part of.

Tell them it’s their drama, not yours. “Not my drama” would be a good mantra.

I lived with emotional abuse for many years. It’s usually caused by unresolved childhood trauma. They have a lot of pent up rage so they act outrageously. They project their pain to try and make you understand it by living it, then get more pissed off when you don’t. These kinds don’t change without professional intervention and a lot of work. Eventually I got TF out. Some things you can’t fix.

There’s a life hack for this kind of acting out. Acknowledging their pain eliminates their need to project it, so just saying you’re sorry they’re in pain can neutralize the situation.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 08/29/2019 11:52PM by babyloncansuckit.

Stay as far away from these people as is humanly possible. Do anything possible to get away. Your self esteem is everything, and you’ve come along way. Be proud.
Once you close the door to such people, new doors will eventually open, bringing good treatment instead of that which you won’t tolerate.

Welcome.

Agree with your well stated thought that "Emotional abuse is irrational and close to animal like behavior". The unpredictability of it is frightening and stressful, preventing trust in people to develop and grow. As I was struggling big time to find "what was wrong with me," I began to learn that it was my family that had something wrong with them, not me. I was on the path of figuring out and finding what healthy emotional behavior looked like. The fact that I had been around people who showed me how not to trust did not mean that this was a "good" or "healthy" emotional behavior.

Your path is healthy. Keep hanging in there.

I think that some people try to build themselves up by putting others down. As you have discovered, you do not have to agree to be subject to that behavior.

There is literally tons of paper written on this dynamic: you are making something out of your life, old "friends" try to knock you back down to where you were so you are predictably controllable. Through your taking responsibility for your life, they now see themselves less favorably.

I don't like giving advice, but suggest first a little self-inquiry:
-- what are you getting from them right now that makes it hard to simply shut the door on them? They're toxic and you know it. Are you expecting/hoping these will change? Why? What is it you need from them? (If can see this, will understand their power over you and with that very seeing their power dissolves)

Keep steady in the direction you have chosen. Others who are operating on your higher life frequency will find and befriend you.

Like attracts like.

You CANNOT deal rationally with an irrational person

Congratulations on being so strong and rising above the emotional abuse. You're on the right path to making a great life for yourself. Self esteem is real power.