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Posted by: messygoop ( )
Date: September 09, 2019 12:09PM

One area that the church cheats the members is praise and gratitude from leaders.

First, I acknowledge that there are some leaders that have people skills, but the trend is to withhold kind remarks because it is perceived as a character weakness.

The ward's day to work in the church owned orchard.

I have previously shared this story about a phenomenal turnout on a Saturday to prune the pear farm. It was the best turnout in years. Easily 60-70 adults and many children and teens. The most noticeable person not in attendance was the bishop. With all that help, the tasks were done in a short time and the church's farm manager was impressed. The following day, the bishop stood up and made snide remarks about a low turnout, not taking church assignments seriously and being a lazy servant of the lord. From then on, members chose not to attend future church welfare assignments. What's the point of attending if you're going to get chewed out anyways?

Mission President

We were berated every month by the dear leader. We were told that we were unworthy and disobedient and thus utter failures in the eyes of the lord. We worked hard to find and baptize (and my zone was averaging 10-15 convert baptisms per month). These were not baseball style baptisms, but ones that required ward members to be involved. In other words, these were on the up and up; (no fudging the numbers) I witnessed every baptism in my zone.

I later read that one of the reasons my asshat MP was called to serve in the 2nd Q of 70 was because of his outstanding tenure as a mission president. Apparently, my mission often led the baptism stats stateside, except you would never know because he forever berated our piss poor performance when we actually were doing a damn good job!

Simple recognition of guests/visitors to the ward

About 10 years ago, I accompanied my aging father to my former ward. I had already stopped attending the church altogether and I had no plans of returning. My parents knew the circumstances that caused me to suffer a faith crisis. However, I went with him because I knew that it would probably be the last time. My Dad's health was beginning to decline. After the opening exercises of priesthood, my Dad stood up to introduce his son Messy from out of state. Well douche-bag bishop told him to sit down. "Everybody already knows Messy. He doesn't need to be introduced." It really hurt my Dad. I could see it in his eyes.

Brother John

He was a funny older member that was always cheerful. He was forever serving as a clerk or secretary. Early on, the church leaders deemed him to be too happy to climb the church leadership ladder. Brother John had a terminally ill non-member wife. Before she passed, he approached the bishop to be released from his calling. The bishop refused to oblige so he didn't show up for a couple of weeks. The bishop then called a new person to take Brother John's calling. However, instead of giving a vote of thanks, the jerk just said that Brother John had been released. A counselor in the bishopric later told me that it was customary to announce a releasing from a calling if the person requests to be released. To me it's a lousy way to snub members.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/09/2019 12:11PM by messygoop.

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Posted by: GNPE ( )
Date: September 09, 2019 12:20PM

Once in the U of Washington's singles ward (branch?), the father (from out of the area) of one of the students came to visit his son and was introduced in PH; whoever was "conducting", made a point of making sure the dad was 'reminded' to return to his home ward to 'attend to his PH duties'....

Nearly everyone in the room had an WTF expression on their faces..

OH What ass-hats ChurchCo nourishes with leadership positions/callings!

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Posted by: valkyriequeen ( )
Date: September 09, 2019 12:29PM

What else can members expect from the church and the Book of Mormon? Good old King Benjamin told us all that we aren't even worth dust. Members have been told :"raise the bar! Lengthen your stride!" I never heard a kind word or a personal thank you from anyone while I was trying my best to serve in different callings.
I was a cub scout den mother and one day,my partner called me at work; I don't know how she got ahold of my work number. She was railing at me and getting on my case, telling me that I wasn't doing my job. Unbeknownst to her, I had gone to a parent's home and with the mom, I helped one of the scouts to pass off some requirements and qualify for some badges. He was picked on by the other boys and refused to come to any meetings, so I decided to go to him and his parents. My partner was the bishop's wife. It was like that with other callings too. So glad to be out and done with all of the craziness.

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Posted by: kentish ( )
Date: September 09, 2019 12:34PM

The Church of Never Enough.

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Posted by: Shinehah ( )
Date: September 09, 2019 12:45PM

Does anyone here who paid tithing remember ever being thanked for the donation?
In my case, I felt as if I was being audited to be sure I paid a full and honest tithing. Never a thank you.

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Posted by: cl2 ( )
Date: September 09, 2019 02:19PM

I would use Ensigns for my lesson since the material provided was so little. Every time I taught, I was praised by the women in the class EXCEPT the leadership. They always told me not to use the Ensign. That's all they said. Never "you did a good job."

I got in trouble for costing the ward $24 for ice skates when we had the biggest turnout for a YW/YM combined activity we had ever had. I made sure all my girls had ice skates that I called around to find. It wasn't my fault the other teachers didn't.

There were many things like this that happened when I was active mormon. After all, it is still MY FAULT that my husband is gay. Those women who chase him think they can do the job. We get a good laugh out of it.

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Posted by: Eric K ( )
Date: September 09, 2019 02:24PM

To be thanked for paying tithing? Never.

The last time I paid still irritates me when I recall the event. It was December. My wife did not want me to pay. I should of listened. The bishop berated me for waiting until the end of the year instead of paying monthly. He raised his voice and said I was robbing god. I regret not grabbing the check out of his hand and tearing it up as he was chastising me. What a prick. He is a stake president now and he perfectly fits the description of lousy leaders as detailed in posts above.

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Posted by: sbg ( )
Date: September 09, 2019 02:38PM

This is why people leave ANY organization. Not having your volunteer work appreciated, or worse yet criticized.

When I resigned from one organization I was asked why I was leaving. I pointed out I was sick of hearing that the quality of my free help was not up to their exacting standards. I'm sure the president did not get what I was saying.

Then a few months ago, they approached me to come back. They did not understand when I laughed in their faces.

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Posted by: messygoop ( )
Date: September 09, 2019 03:23PM

I had been out as a missionary for almost a year when my Grandma suddenly passed on. My parents weren't even going to make an emergency call. They didn't want to disturb my missionary work (They planned to string me along until X-mas and then drop a little line on the card/package "BTW, Grandma died a few months ago, but we're getting her temple work ready.") For sure, that would have been most upsetting to my already fragile emotional state.

So my older sibling called up 411 to contact my MP because my parents wouldn't share my missionary apartment phone #. The MP hung up two times on my sibling. The rage against the church was growing and the MP got cussed out. Finally, I got called by my sibling with an offer to leave for to the funeral.

The following day the MP calls not to express love, concern or condolences, but to reaffirm the church's policy. I am told that the church doesn't consider the death of a grandparent to be an approved leave of absence. So he tells me that he won't stop me from leaving, but there will be no guarantee that I will be allowed to return to this mission or ANY MISSION. That I will likely be released as a DISHONORABLE missionary. He gave me a day to make up my mind. I chose not to go home. The threat didn't scare me, but I don't think I could have left home for a 2nd time. I was homesick already.

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Posted by: heartbroken ( )
Date: September 09, 2019 06:03PM

I hear you, Messygoup. I spent 20 years in church, giving my time and self to LDS Inc. In return I ended up with low self esteem.

I served a tough mission in Europe. We were constantly berated because we didn't have baptisms in an area where people weren't interested in the Mormon church. We were constantly told that the field was ripe and to thrust in our sickles. We needed to fast more, pray more, try harder, and on and on... No praise or thanks for leaving family, friends, girl/boy friends behind. No thanks for tracting 6 days a week while our friends were at home having fun, going to college or earning money. No encouraging words after constant, daily rejection. The church killed our spirit.

Years after I finally left the church, I was walking down the street one evening and was stopped by the missionaries. They asked me if I'd heard about the Mormon church and I told them that I had been a Mormon and even served on a mission. They asked me why I left the church. Without thinking I blurted out: "I was tired of feeling bad about myself." They didn't have a comeback for that, and I think one of them actually thought deeply about what I said.

I'd never really though about it till that moment. No matter how hard I tried, how much I sacrificed or how much of my time I gave, I never felt good about myself as a Mormon.

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Posted by: summer ( )
Date: September 09, 2019 07:01PM

Gratitude goes a long way, in or out of church.

I have two new bosses since I am working in a shared position between two schools. One of my principals is highly regarded. I now know why. He is relentlessly cheerful, positive. encouraging, and grateful for our efforts. Being one of the recipients of his generous positivity is akin to a starving person being given food. It made me realize what was seriously lacking in my former principal -- in most of my former principals. He is changing my approach to teaching and interacting with my students.

In my other school, a brand new teacher, someone young, promising, and talented, quit at the end of the first week.

People need gratitude for doing good work, especially when it involves any degree of personal sacrifice. Russell Nelson could change the entire face of the church by simply expressing encouragement, positivity, and gratitude to the members who labor so hard in its behalf.

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Posted by: elderolddog ( )
Date: September 09, 2019 07:48PM

Summer, a very pertinent and uplifting comment.

But here's what happened in my mind... I took what you said at the end,

> Nelson could change the
> entire face of the church
> by simply expressing
> encouragement, positivity,
> and gratitude to the
> members who labor so hard
> in its behalf.

and came up with this:

The mormon church needs to print up ServiceBuck$, in all the denominations we're used to seeing in paper money. Then the bishop passes them out to quorum presidents, who in turn give them to people who do their callings at the appropriate levels of earnestness and joy, as a reward for their efforts. The bishop keeps a stash to give to the quorum leaders when they do good, and the SP does the same, to reward his minions, and so on, up all the hierarchal levels who have to tithe.

Then when it's time to tithe, the SeviceBuck$ are redeemed, on a one to one basis. If you owe $4,000 for the month and have accumulated $1,500 in ServiceBuck$, you put them in the envelope, along with your $2,500 check and you're done!

What I really love about this is the temptation that is going to exist to buy counterfeit ServiceBuck$! The Chinese will flood the market and you'll be able to buy ServiceBuck$ for a penny on the dollar! Oh my lord, the temptation to be a full tithe payor, at pennies on the dollar, instead of a dime for every dollar!!

Everybody wins, except for the church, which means everybody wins!!!

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Posted by: macaRomney ( )
Date: September 09, 2019 10:52PM

The teacher quit in the first week? Yikes!

It appears that these rookies aren't getting the mentoring that they deserve. For some reason doctors get trained for years before they see a patient alone, Lawyers get chaperoned in a law firm for quite a while. Electricians get schooled by a Master for 4 years, before becoming licensed, yet school teachers we just let loose with no useful interpersonal knowledge at all.

Encouragement can go a long way for anyone who is knew and needs the help!

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Posted by: summer ( )
Date: September 10, 2019 05:52AM

Half of all new teachers nationwide quit within the first five years. Many of those teachers will quit sometime within the first year. Quitting within the first few weeks of school opening is not highly unusual. I've never personally see it before, but I've heard about it. Mentoring helps, but it's not a cure all.

This particular teacher was working with an urban school population that can be very difficult. Many teachers, even after years of schooling and teacher prep, are not prepared to work at students who are defiant, who swear at them, act out, and fight. About five years ago (at my previous school,) I was brought in a few months into the school year to work with a group of violent students who had already burned through one classroom teacher and six substitutes. The certified teacher who walked out on them was experienced. They were just too much for her. Sometimes I wonder if those teachers who walk out got it right, and I got it wrong.

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Posted by: Rubicon ( )
Date: September 09, 2019 11:13PM

Some leaders show gratitude. Some don't.

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Posted by: LJ12 ( )
Date: September 10, 2019 03:12AM

They’re not gonna show gratitude. The whole mormon “gospel” is that you are “saved after all you can do”. This one phrase is what other Christians use to show how unchristian the mormon church is. I’m not religious anymore, but this is a deliberate corruption of Christianity and is the definition of spiritual abuse.

They will never be able to mainstream the mormon church because they will never forego this fundamental principle of Mormonism; it’s how makes its money and retains and controls its brainwashed members.

By also withholding gratitude, they are exercising the control they have over the members, by making them feel they are not good enough. Self esteem gets tied up with salvation, which is just a carrot on a stick for the everyday mormons.

You can never do enough. My experience was that leaders liked to mix it up real good. Criticism alternated with praise and gratitude. It’s exactly like an abusive relationship. The abused are given breadcrumbs to keep them hanging in there, and are too confused to wake up to how dark and evil their abusers really are.

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