no October GC predictions yet?

time is running out, my friends...


maybe, just perhaps, the drivel that happens at the recent GCs has shown that our predictions are wasted energy, since nothing really happens...


just sayin'

The Book of Mormon will have a name change. It will now be called something like "A Testament of Christ in the Americas." There's no way to shake that pesky "Mormon" nickname unless they remove it from the title of the book that gave them that dreaded name. After all, Mormon was just the guy who abridged the plates - no reason to name the book after him.

heartbroken Wrote:
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> The Book of Mormon will have a name change. It
> will now be called something like "A Testament of
> Christ in the Americas." There's no way to shake
> that pesky "Mormon" nickname unless they remove it
> from the title of the book that gave them that
> dreaded name.

The subtitle "Another Testament of Jesus Christ" was added in 1982 probably for that reason, but Nelson might decide to put more emphasis on the subtitle and tell people to use it first when introducing the book to prospects.

'Since 1982 all editions of the Book of Mormon have appeared with the subtitle: "Another Testament of Jesus Christ."

At that time Church leaders felt a need to further emphasize the purpose of the book as stated on the title page: "…And also to the convincing of the Jew and Gentile that JESUS is the CHRIST, the ETERNAL GOD, manifesting himself unto all nations…""With the subtitle added to the Book of Mormon, the purpose of the book, 'to the convincing of the Jew and Gentile that JESUS is the CHRIST,' will become immediately apparent to all who hereafter receive the Book of Mormon," said President Ezra Taft Benson, then president of the Council of the Twelve.

Additionally, according to Elder Boyd K. Packer of the Council of the Twelve, the subtitle clarifies the Book of Mormon's place among scriptures. He said in an interview at that time: "The Book of Mormon has been misunderstood. With the subtitle, it takes its place where it should be– beside the Old Testament and the New Testament."'

https://www.thechurchnews.com/archives/1988-01-02/since-1982-subtitle-has-defined-book-as-another-testament-of-jesus-christ-154250

Some other LDS churches call the Book of Mormon the Record of the Nephites.

Jello is offensive to the spirit. Stop consuming it at once.

I will pay GC all the respect it deserves..which is to say, the square root of SFA. I will glean any tidbits of note here afterwards.

Many of the conference speakers will start their talk with a slightly humorous anecdote. The congregation will chuckle almost as if on cue.

However, if the congregation appears to be having too good a time, Russ will admonish them in his talk about loud laughter in an effort to spread some guilt.

And of course there will be thrilling announcements about new temples!

played out. They've been going to that well so frequently for the past 2 decades that the well is probably almost dry.

Sure. The members will play along and pretend to be excited for a bit, but they're not going to lay awake late at night savoring the momentousness of it and the implications with regard to the second coming of Christ, as earlier generations did.

It's become the equivalent of announcing a new Starbucks location. If it's not in your neighborhood or in a place you're planning to visit in the near future, it's irrelevant to your life.

"Now, Brothers and Sisters, we are excited to announce that temple number 435 will be completed before the end of this year. Once it is dedicated, we expect that our brothers and sisters living or working in the vicinity of Maple and 33rd Street will be greatly blessed, knowing that just behind the Maple Heights Shopping Mall, between the recycling center and the Pizza Hut, will be a brand new temple, conveniently located to meet all of their endowment and other temple-related needs. No longer will they have to travel out of the Maple Heights area to go to the temple. This is going to be the first temple with a drive-thru window, securely shielded from public view by tasteful retractable barriers."

Wally Prince Wrote:
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> played out. They've been going to that well so
> frequently for the past 2 decades that the well is
> probably almost dry.

I think Nelson overdid it by announcing 12 (!) temples last October (2018.) I don't know why he didn't space it out a little bit, say 6 in Oct. and another 6 in April of 2019. Oh well.

There are still several entire U.S. states that don't have a temple so I suspect he's going to want to address that for the sake of completeness -- Kansas, South Dakota, Iowa, Arkansas, Mississippi, Wisconsin, W.VA., Maine, NH, VT. (Sharon, VT seems like a good bet!)

There are also a few capital cities that lack a temple close to the center of political power in a state, so I see Nelson using the opportunity to do more political hob-nobbing and elbow-rubbing with state power brokers in places like Lincoln Neb., Topeka, Madison, Juneau (a very long distance from Anchorage), etc.

So still some gas left in that tank, and when that runs out they can always push the renovation angle. The upcoming SLC temple closure and renovation is going to be a HUGE deal when it reopens in 2024. Who knows if Nelson will still be around to enjoy it though?

Anyway, plenty of grift left to be grabbed, but if Nelson is smart this time he'll spread it out a little bit and not blow the whole wad at one conference.

The Caribbean and Africa are the most likely places new temples will be built.

My bets for the next few years - Botswana, Georgia (country), Greece, Jamaica, Madagascar, New Caledonia, North Queensland, Papua New Guinea, Poland, Singapore, Sri Lanka, Western Ontario.

And in the USA - Gulf Coast esp. Texas and Louisana.

Maybe Rusty is waiting to see if President Trump's purchase idea goes through. Of course, if he were a true prophet...

caffiend Wrote:
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> Maybe Rusty is waiting to see if President Trump's
> purchase idea goes through. Of course, if he were
> a true prophet...

Greenland seems to be completely overlooked in Mormon circles. No missionaries not even a real branch. No Greenlandic BoM translations. Completely forgotten. Oh and you can't buy land there. A serious turnoff for the LDS.

Kalaallit Nunaat Wrote:
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> A serious turnoff for the LDS.

Worshippers of a promised land and wealth in buying land.

Kalaallit Nunaat Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------

> Greenland seems to be completely overlooked in
> Mormon circles. No missionaries not even a real
> branch. No Greenlandic BoM translations.
> Completely forgotten. Oh and you can't buy land
> there. A serious turnoff for the LDS.

They speak Danish too

I just looked at some photos of Nuuk (the capital city) on Wikipedia ... looks beautiful, probably really cold though

All anyone needs to know is where Sherry and Wendy would love to travel together. That's where the next temple building binge will be.

I suspect Rusty doesn't have much say in the matter. Hey, who can fault those two women for wanting to be at every new temple site? Its all about gob.

So, anyone one out there who knows those two womens travel fantasies has the answer to the next round of temple building.

Anything new for our Conference Bingo Cards?

Here are six bingo cards just for you.


https://utahvalley360.com/2017/03/31/2017-lds-general-conference-bingo-cards/

Hahaha. The real ones are almost as funny as what I would make up.
It's amusing that conference blather is so predictable to the members too.

Hahaha! "Speaks with a foreign accent." So inspiring.

I predict a GA will take about his love for a Gay relative, and the blessings that come from loving our Gay relatives, but only if they don't have Gay cooties.

The church is growing. People all over the world are sacrificing their kidneys to pay tithing. Isn't it wonderful? Isn't it marvelous?

Edit to add: City Creek will soon turn a profit. The messages from God are now coming swiftly to Rusty, with the help of Wendy.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/13/2019 10:06PM by Devoted Exmo.

Okay, okay, okay... How about this?

Every priesthood holder a prophet! In fact, forget 'every member a missionary.' Now it's going to be every member a prophet!

Every righteous member is FB friends with Holy McGhost, and this entitles every righteous member to receive not only the comfort of Holy McGhost's ear nibbles but also, Knowledge and Warnings!

If you have no callings, and are nothing special, or are a mormon woman, even YOU can receive promptings, i.e., revelations, from Holy McGhost.

And if you have a calling, even if it's a woman's calling, Holy McGhost can reveal to you how to up your game, how to be the most righteous prick/bitch in your ward! ...Yep, through revelation!

And if you're the slightest bit hesitant, if you don't really think you're worthy, don't worry about it! Just send $19.99 and a tithing slip, with the words, "Lighted Pen", to 50 S. Temple, Salt Lake City, Heaven 86668, and we'll send you an Aaronic Priesthood Lighted Pen!

But wait!!! Send $29.99 and have your bishop or branch president or mission president counter-sign that tithing slip, and we'll upgrade you to a Melchizedek Priesthood Lighted Pen, with a green strobe light that will signal GO! to all your righteous endeavors!!

Hurry, because these Revelation Lighted Pens are limited to just whoever wants one! But get two!!



*Not valid in AL, AK, AR, CA, CO, CT, DE, FL, GA, HI, IA, IL, IN, KS, KY, LA, ME, MD, MA, MI, MN, MS, MO, MT, NE, NV, NH, NJ, NM, NY, NC, ND, OH, OK, OR, PA, RI, SC, SD, TN, TX, VT, VA, WA, WV, WI, or WY

**Revelations means hunches or whatever your dick is telling you to do.

***Holy McGhost is a holy owned subsidiary of Churchco Enterprises, Inc.

I think enough time has passed since Indiana Jones that Nelson could bring back the Fedora. Just wear a nice one at GC. Several of the Q15 could use a hat to cover their sparse hair. It could be the new COJCOLDS male fashion statement.

I predict:

It will be announced that gay and lesbian couples who are legally married will now be accepted in full fellowship.

Members will be reminded that following Christ’s example of love is more important than paying tithing.

The saints will be instructed that if they can do some good in their families, or in their communities, or can benefit the world in some way, that is time that is better spent than sitting in church for two hours every Sunday.

Mormon conference sucks!

The Lord will reveal a cure for cancer AND how to overcome the common cold virus, and RMN will invite representatives from Iran and Saudi Arabia, as well their client states THEN North Korea and South Korea THEN Russia and the USA and China to Salt Lake City where he will let the Holy Ghost impress upon them with a still, small voice how to get along in peace.

AND save the world's environment.*

*Just kidding: he'll work out mineral rights deals all over the world with them and make a mint for the church.

I predict I'll have my cold smoker built by GC and will spend that Sunday smoking bacon, provided the weather is cool.

Don't worry, I'll eat it sparingly and in times of famine.....yeah, right! Its bacon after all!

Bacon as a Sacrament...

>> "Bacon as a Sacrament..."

Pork as a religion.

Pig as a god.

Makes theological sense to me.

maybe RMN will confirm the previously 'secret' talks to merge with Rasta, Frisbetearians, & FSM adherents...



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/17/2019 11:21AM by GNPE.

It will be something connected to getting more tithing money, guilt trips for not being worthy to go to the temple.

Wendy will also be sustained as a prophetess, seeress, and revelatoress...wait for it...of the dead.

She really is working out her own salvation with her dead whilst her husband is speaking with the Lord.

I guess it beats making him breakfast.

She'll do stuff like remind the spirits in spirit prison to read their spiritual Book of mormon with their spiritual eyes so they can feel by the spirit that the spirit of mormonism is true and get out of spirit prison......and to pay their spiritual tithing....and to not hook up with spirits of the same sex....they are in prison after all!

Go Wendy! That's the spirit!

Roy G Biv Wrote:
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> ....and to not hook up with
> spirits of the same sex....they are in prison
> after all!


Good thing I wasn't drinking when I read that! Bahahahahahha!

Speakers will say that the church is true.

Any women speakers--of which there will be only a few--will all simper as they speak.

Eyring will cry during his talk.

I predict the use of object lessons and false logic.

Men will sit in comfy chairs on a dais. The same men will scowl very convincingly.