I have noticed a behavioral pattern among the TBM elements of my own family. I’m not really sure if it is the same for all TBM’s but it seems to hold true in my mormon family members. I have found it very difficult for the mormons I know to admit they were ever wrong...about most things. Math problems and trivia questions are not what I’m talking about here but rather the big decisions in life like whether to go on a mission or whom to marry.

Since mormons pray about most decisions it seems that the fault of a bad choice is placed on God’s shoulders and not on the individual who prayed for the answer. This makes it difficult for the person to admit that any wrong-doing ever happened because it was god’s decision and not their own. Obviously bad choices are explained away as “lessons” that god wanted them to learn or something like that. Mormons who tow the line and stay in the cult seem to have this puffed up sense of pride like they know exactly what to do in most situations and their desicions are not able to be questioned or held up to scrutiny.

What this seems to do over time (years and years) is it slows down the emotional (and possibly the academic) growth a person would normally have. Without ever owning the repercussions of one’s own decisions also means that no growth takes place because no learning has happened. It takes mistakes in order to learn and grow. For people who don't learn from their mistakes logical thought processes are truncated; emotional maturity remains stagnant.

Think about the mormons in your family or others that you have known. Do they seem to be more child-like in some way? My mom is a life-long TBM who is now 78 and she acts like a 15-year-old girl. She always has. Never once owned any of the mistakes she has made or acknowledged any wrong-doing in her past. She has a TON of excuses but no real ownership on her own part in the way decisions were handled.

It seems that it is a part of mormon culture to become “child-like”. Such behavior is actually desired in mormon circles. Scriptures suggest that one must be like a child in order to go to heaven.

No mistakes means no growth. No growth means no personality. Older mormons seem to turn into.simple-minded drones.

Just my opinion anyway.

This is true.

Just don't let them have any sharpies.

The church wields the Sharpies. It changes scripture; it changes doctrine; it revises history.

It isn't a pen Nelson with which Nelson scribbles at night: it is a Sharpie.

That's the new normal.

Yeah, it's like a time-warp (not a good time either). It's ALL excuses. KNOW Excuses!

It's true about acceptance and development and connection and reality.

I just wish sometimes Mormons would (could?) Be Normal sometimes. It's Too Natural. Too Simple. Too earthly, or human, or Christlike, or something.

I found this aspect of being a Mormon paralyzing.

You always had to have the right answer with a spiritual confirmation about everything.

Now--a crazy person, who thinks God speaks to them all the time has no problem with this. God confirms all the crazy stuff they believe. And if it turned out to be wrong, invent spontaneous excuses like a good TBM.

But if you really are looking for an extraordinary, genuine, spiritual mountain top moment--it doesn't come more often than not. I felt like this way of thinking prevented me from making any decision sometimes, which was probably worse than choosing available options. Of course, there's also always something to be unworthy about preventing the transmission of the revelation (funny how that never seems to have stopped Joseph Smith much--except when he loses 116 pieces of paper--real bad I guess).

A better approach to this seems to be make the decisions based on the best available information, and live with it. If one feels religion is valuable, just focus on developing core character and/or spirituality rather than thinking God is going to lead you in every little thing.

Every conversation:

Lots of questions about me which I foolishly answer.

Assertion that many or most of my answers are wrong.

End of conversation since I don't answer any more.

Mormon relative now happy that he is superior and I am lying.


This also happens when the relative calls to ask a question related to my profession (free advice.)

Further conversations are pointless from my point of view.

This sounds painful. It was painful for me too when I left the church.

I know what it means to tell family members things and to have them filter it out because you are an apostate and obviously lying.

Fast forward a couple of decades and most of my family is out except for my mom and older brother and his family. Since my mom moved closer to me I find it weird that she seems to have the personality of a child.

I don't know if you have noticed that with your family members...? Always being right means no growth.

I also just realized that my mom doesn't seem to have many friends. The ones she has are in the cult but no friends on the outside. I can't imagine who would want to befriend a 78-year-old who is like an adolescent. It is odd.

I'm wondering what it would take to get my TBM's to see this.