memorabilia?

When I was preparing for to leave on my mission from ghawd, in 1965, pursuant to the list of what to pack I'd received in my fan mail from David O. McKay, my mom took me to Ronzoni's, on Fremont St. in Las Vegas. It was a sort of hoity-toity for Las Vegas. Given her druthers, she would have preferred dragging me down to Bullocks on Wilshire Blvd., but I was busy with work and church...

She bought me a London Fog raincoat, with a zip in/out lining; very cool looking. I wore it proudly during the winters/rainy season on my mission and then a few times during school and back east. I probably haven't worn it since the mid-70s.

Here's the thing: I still have it. I also have my ski parka from when I was at the Y, 67-70. I have a bit of collection of mormon memorabilia, and only one TBM child, but why would I want it passed on to someone who will give it a hell of lot more credence than I do, other than for its sentimental value.

A lot of us near, at or well past retirement age have odds and ends that we've accumulated that for our own particular reasons we haven't given away or thrown out.

Do you ever wonder what's going to happen to all that stuff?

Yes, I know many of us went through the task of sorting through our parents' leavings, but there probably didn't exist the connections that we have with our own personal 'detritus'.

Any of you people of a certain age having any thoughts on this issue?

Especially as we Boomers retired, downsize, and, yes, die off. The last WWII vets are "moving out." Then we'll be noting the Korean War vets. Then the Vietnam guys.

A very wonderful gift you can give your children and grandchildren is to clear out the decades of crap so they don't have to. There are all sorts of places to take them, and not just thrift stores (Please, NOT to DI!) For example, I'm taking boxes of books down to a homeless shelter. Women's clothing and baby/children's items can go to a women's shelter.

Start asking your children and extended family what they might like, especially artifacts, jewelry. Extraneous thought: Can you imagine the number of Hummel figures out there? Pokemon cards? Beanie Babies? Groan....

But don't force your children/grandchildren to have to do it!

It's a 40R.

But I just tried it on and I look STUNNING!

I'm going to wear it this winter...

London Fog was so In.

First, my mother unloaded her valuables to her daughter, her favorite. That sucked, but it was her property and her decision. Parents should start consulting with their heirs about items of financial and sentimental value, and dispersing them early. This also avoid tax issues. But realize there may well be disappoints and resentments. Goes with the territory.

With that done, there is all that STUFF. Lots of good ideas about books, mementos, diaries, yearbooks, etc. One must be aggressive--don't postpone.

Now, what my parents did. They brought in a professional appraisal, who set a value on the furniture, rugs, and the like. After my latter parent died, my sister (executrix) went through the house and put a price tag, of sorts, on everything: mirrors, art, furniture, musical instruments, rugs. She totaled up the "inventory," and divided by three. That was the "shopping budget" we each had. We then went through the house, in rotation, and "bought" what we wanted.

So, my sister wanted the grandfather clock--a pricey item. She bought that early, but that reduced her available "allowance" a lot. We did discuss favorite items, and I avoided a few items I knew were important to my siblings. But, allowing for some irregularities, the household furnishings were divied up in a fairly equitable way.

My sister made out the best. She stayed in my parents' cult (Christian Science), and they left her the real estate and financial assets. That sucked, but that was their decision, and I knew it was coming.*

Heirs need to know what there is, and what is going to be done, even if it's to their disadvantage. That will go far to keep estate settlement conflict free.

*Sweet revenge: With all three of us retired, I seem to have the highest income, and the most successful progeny. But thanks to my parents' bequest, my sister probably has the most in assets.

I think the appraisal/"shopping budget" approach is a GREAT idea!

A very good way to avoid many (if not entirely "all") hurt feelings.

(I am aware that, in my family, it was mostly just my sister and me, and we had long before figured out how to be fair with each other. In other families, with more siblings/cousins/"honorary relatives," etc., there would obviously be more complicated emotional issues lurking just beneath the surface.)

Thank you for this really stellar idea, caffiend!

Just today I thought about this topic. I have some valuable old Mormon books and a nephew I think should have them. When my parents died I sent him a box of books--turned out one was a first edition BoM! But as I get older, he gets older. I also have a lot of stuff that belonged to my parents, who lived in the same house for over 60 years. We had to keep the 17 plastic bags of "stuff" hidden from him when he came back for a few days before being sent off to my sister's home. I have some furniture that means something to me--from my folks'house. When I'm gone they would make a nice bonfire.

What about my parent's high school yearbooks? They went to LDS High School. I've posted a few things from my Mom's Book of Rememberance on Facebook along with old photos, but who will care? My son doesn't and I have no grandkids who care about it.

I've kept a sort of journal through the years of my disaffection, anticipating that some day I won't remember this stuff, but other than me, who will care? No historical value.Should I just blitz it all from my computer?

Tell me, Old Wise Canine: what should I wipe out?

My sister and I have been dealing with this overall issue for a few decades now, and this is my learned wisdom (which may, or may not, be appropriate for your items of memorabilia):

1) Ask your kids and your grandkids if there is some thing, or things (plural), they are particularly fond of, or emotionally attached to. Their answers may surprise you, because something you consider of no value at all may be of great value to them, because they associate that item, regardless of whether it has value to anyone else or not, with events in their life which are meaningful to them.

2) Separate out the "valuables," estimate what they might bring were they sold, and ask all of your kids/grandkids, if they have a particular fondness for them. Again: there may be emotional ties to certain items (I am thinking of my step-Grandfather's McGuffey Readers, for example--or the siddur [Jewish prayerbook] my Uncle Benny gave to my aunt when they were considering whether they should get married or not....and also: my Grandma's hand egg beater, her glass orange juice squeezer, and the dishes she and Grandpa had for all of the time in my life that I was alive.)

3) Things of great value to subsequent generations are photos of you during your life (from birth, and from elementary school, on), the important "papers" of your life (your high school graduation diploma, etc.), handwritten assignments you saved, or your school annuals. These are priceless to those who inherit and value them. This also includes the collection YOU inherited from YOUR earlier relatives: birth certificates, snapshots, etc.

4) Any true "valuables" (on the open market) should be thought through carefully. If you have an antique table, or an antique chest, or paintings you either inherited or acquired for yourself during your life, you need to balance the emotional value to the monetary value. This would include old vinyl phonograph records, etc. Ask for input from your kids/grandkids, ask them if they would have any objection if you just sold them, and go from there.

My suggestion would be that, ideally, you would be able to develop some realistic estimate of any truly (monetarily) valuable items, before you decide where each item "should" go. If you have a substantial monetary value involved (which would be different according to you and to your family), you might consider selling the items and putting that money in a new savings account with directions that, after your death, the money be distributed in a specific way to each of your offspring and (possibly) to each of THEIR offspring. Be sure that, according to the state law of the state YOU are a legal resident of, this money DOES NOT go through probate after your death, because probate will absolutely reduce the amount, and will take "forever," in most people's experience! You could set up a combined ownership for everyone who will inherit from you which is ONLY accessible AFTER your death--with instructions that the total sum be divided into equal "shares," one to each of those who will, according to your directions, inherit from you. (State laws vary widely on this particular topic--BE SURE [!!] to check with a competent legal authority, such as free attorney services from an organization which serves elders, and whose services are free for senior citizens.)

Do not assume that something YOU consider "nothing" actually IS "nothing" to someone in your family. I am still mourning the loss of several things I grew up with, and to which I was immensely attached, but no one else realized that I cared.

Most of all: Be open with everyone to the fullest extent of your ability to be so, and be fair to everyone who inherits from you. This allows you to die with a clear conscience, and your descendants (etc.) to live the rest of their lives in unwounded peace.

I hope this helps.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/21/2019 02:25AM by Tevai.

wow...so relevant to me right now! I made a new year's resolution in 2018 to get my stuff organized, in scrapbooks and downsize! Now nearly 3/4 through 2019 I finally put the first 3 pages of stuff into a scrapbook!!!

It took me over a year to sort through all my pictures and other papers. I bought a steamer trunk and vowed that anything that doesn't fit into that isn't getting saved. My yearbooks, letters I wanted to keep and all greeting cards I care about are in there. My scrapbooks will go in there when finished.

My old hope chest holds my childhood toys I wanted to keep. I ended up having lots more room in that than I thought I would.


The pictures were divided up for each of my four kids. Most pictures of them individually I gave to them for their own scrapbooks. They were thrilled to get them. I have plenty to fill into my story.

Now, all my clothes from my working life I donated to Jr League in Salt Lake. They have a store where women to need clothes to wear to job interviews etc can come and get clothes free. No DI for me.

I am really amazed how triggered I get in going through things that involve my former life in mormonism. And also the whole relationship with my ex. I get sad, mad, depressed, and disgusted and have to put things away for a time.

It's neat when someone else has an inkling that it's the item AND the memories that make us fond of the item.

I've been organizing for years. I've been careful what I've kept and what I've thrown out. From there, they get to decide.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/20/2019 11:29PM by cl2.

I've got tons of old photos on piles of 3.5" disk that I'm saving for the grandkids! There's probably twenty megabytes of stuff there! I hope they appreciate it

anonyXmo Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I've got tons of old photos on piles of 3.5" disk
> that I'm saving for the grandkids! There's
> probably twenty megabytes of stuff there! I hope
> they appreciate it

Better put it on a newer storage hard drive. They won't be able to open what you have in a few years.
Better yet, get good quality prints made of the images that mean the most to you.
Digital media is ephemeral - so many things can go wrong. Biggest is "new" software and hardware that will no longer open what you have now.

Even Adobe Photoshop can't read Kodak Gold CD's images - a form many a couple decades ago used for their photos.

Also all magnetic media has a shelf life, especially diskettes. After 10 years, reading them is dicey. After 25, you might as well use them as ugly coasters. All the diskettes need to be copied to a flash drive and tossed, ASAP.

BTW, a small flash drive is 8,000 meg. 20 meg hardly counts as a burp these days. Hard drives of a million meg (one terabyte) are run-of-the-mill now. Boggles my mind. I remember 8 inch floppies and paper tape.

In 1997 a dike broke in Grand Forks, ND, and everyone in a town of 50,000 had to get out immediately. Many people left literally with the clothes on their back ifhey were out sandabagging, and people at home had a few minutes to throw stuff in the car and bug out,

Eighty percent of the homes had flooded basements, and a fair number had flooded first floors. A few had flooded second floors. In East Grand Forks, MN, three homes out of 1,200 were not flooded.

Then a fire started downtown at the height of the flood, six feet from ice water in the streets. Four square blocks burned down, including the newspaper and over a century of archives.

It was a life-changing event. Basically everything except glassware and china was damaged/silt covered beyond saving. Everything under water went to the landfill. Most houses were salvageable, but they had to be stripped to the joists and studs, treated for mold and basically replace everything but the framing.

And life went on. Some people just left and never returned. Most came back and rebuilt. The point: almost nothing you own is truly essential. Not very much of it even comes close. When you die, a good deal of it will be difficult to even give away, and will end up in a landfill. I think the Swedish call it "death cleaning". If you are over sixty, start giving away and throwing away stuff. If you are over sixty and moving, that goes double.

A severe flood will really dejunk your life, but I do not recommend it.

I'm a few years (but only a few) younger than you, but my wife and I are starting the same process. I still have my London Fog rain coat with zip-in liner that colleagues gave me when I left to join the Foreign Service. It goes along with all the memorabilia dating back to my mission and before. Plus stuff from my parents and grandparents.

After my grandmother died, my father sold her house. It was a time capsule. She didn't get a television until about 1980, and then just a small portable she could hide in the kitchen. My father's bedroom was still just as it was when he was a boy, first leaving for college and then WWII. I slept in the same room and bed he slept in, surrounded by his mementos and books. It was like a window into 1938 and shaped how I see the world and life. It broke my heart to see the house leave the family, but we can't really maintain a place as a museum to one's childhood. The exception to that, of course, is if one is wealthy enough and houses and property are maintained as ancestral seats that are passed on from generation to generation. But none of those last for ever either.

I love history and archaeology. Picking up something that was handled and used by somebody long ago gives me a sense of connectivity to a real person and a reminder that he had his daily routines and own worries, hopes, and joys. When I pick up one of my old keepsakes, it serves the same purpose on a personal level and brings me back to a specific place and time.

When I look at all the stuff I have accumulated I think about all the previous generations and all their stuff they collected and how little of it survives today. I know there is little chance much of mine lasting more than a generation after I go.

My plan is to heavily weed. Anything that I've kept because "it might come in handy one day" has to go. That day will probably never come. If it does, buy or go without. The stuff I think is important I plan to catalog. At least then, when a child or grandchild picks up a rock or trinket, they will have a context for it. I don't care if they keep or dispose, but they should know the backstory of the items they're looking at.

I suspect the day is not far off when we will be able to reconstruct historic places in Virtual Reality, fully furnished and populated. With enough evidence of the past preserved in photos and artifacts, our descendants could walk through through the homes of today and even meet a VR me.

The London Fog trench coat? Wrap me up in it and bury or burn it.

That is a thing I am struggling with too. I have tons of stuff I was sure my kids and grandkids would want. They don't seem to care. They don't really have room for more stuff. I will need to thin out all my stuff before my grandkids are old enough to have a place for things, even if they did want anything.

I have a "use it up - wear it out" mentality and I hate to waste or discard things. I'm struggling because I have amazing things from my grandparents and don't want to part with them. I also don't want to leave a bunch of stuff for my kids to deal with.

I'm in denial about "stuff management" at this time in my life. Sounds like I am not alone.

My wife still has her London Fog overcoat she got at an outlet store (back when those weren't every five miles). It never goes out of style!

We have 100+ years of stuff on 20 acres--and I just can't get rid of anything. Ugh. The mice and silverfish will inherit the earth.

I move every few years. That really helps with both acquiring too much stuff and freely offgassing when necessary. It's just too painful to move all that crap.

I don't care about the stuff. I just wonder what will become of all my treasured photo albums.

My parents died; I had to go through their stuff. I have already asked my two children what they want...that's a great thing to do. Who knew the door-stop sized brass dog was anybody's favorite thing? Grandma's collectible jasperware is a problem in the making. Nobody will want it. Guilt will come from auctioning it, now or later.

After divorce, I bought a nice bedroom set. More than $7K, lovely cherry. I had never had a new set of matching furniture before. I still adore it. However, I am not sure it was a good purchase since one adult child is just now getting a house, the other is 5 years away from settling down (must finish a meandering road to complete higher ed first).

I love the furniture but regret buying it. Just not sure where it will go when my ashes are scattered.

in b 4 ~ throw it in the trash OPie ~


close you eyes and try to remember it OPie ~

My ex had so much stuff. Then she died. All that stuff, gone. Her beautiful home, sold. All that stuff had to come from somewhere. Maybe I needed something to keep me busy.

But I wouldn’t have traded it for the world. Wild horses, we’ll ride them someday.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/21/2019 10:22PM by babyloncansuckit.

My parents liked to go "antiquing" in New England and Canada, and collected a lot of things from Europe. They lived a wealthy, privileged lifestyle, and belonged to a country club. My older siblings ate up my parents' fortune, as they were unemployed most of their lives, and their children were scammers. They went into debt, which my parents paid off, trying to live beyond their means, in that fancy lifestyle. The scammers literally stripped my parents' house--while they were sick and dying! They did it in a few months, and when I went home to arrange for home health care, the place was almost bare. My parents' favorite original oil paintings were even torn off the walls! What hurt the most was one brother took all of my parents' photographs and diaries, along with all of my childhood photographs, too, and we never saw them again.

One brother and wife and son continue with the facade of wealth. They pretend to have jobs, when they have none, and they use the Mormon church to work their scams on ward members. They have already run through our entire extended family, and have succeeded to steal and con money from a family business, and two wealthy uncles.

I was sent to BYU, and married a Mormon jerk who abandoned me and our children, after 15 years of marriage. I was stuck in Utah, a unable to afford anyplace else, and was the sole support for my children. I was forced to be a career woman. I had to scrimp so I could help put my children through the university. We all had jobs. I managed to buy the house we were in, but needed to keep the furnishings simple, nothing fancy. My kids spent their money on sports equipment skiing, cars, practical clothes, and tuition. No one collected anything, but we had good times. I was marginalized in the Mormon church, because I was a divorced single working mom, so I stopped entertaining, like I had done when I was married. I sold my Lamoges china and Waterford crystal and silver and embroidered table cloths to women in our ward. I sold my dining room set, and turned the dining room into an office. The kids didn't care about losing these things, because they had to be washed by hand, or ironed or polished.

Our lifestyle had changed. Thinking of this as a "new life", made it easier to sell off the old stuff. A lot of it had bad memories, even. Keeping the fancy things would mean I was living a false life, in a way.

I felt like it was healthier to accept--even embrace--the fact that our life was more "grass roots", instead of "keeping up with the Joneses." At first, I was frightened! My parents were dead, and I was alone. My instinct was to cling to all the stuff that I could keep, but I gradually sold it all through a consignment shop in Gardner Village. I sold my mother's jewelry to a jeweler, to help pay for braces for the kids' teeth, and my own dental work--more important to have nice teeth, than jewels. Priorities change!

Unlike me and my TBM brothers, my children grew up without snobbery, without racism, without sexism, and without that Mormon elitism. They left the church when they were teen-agers. They were athletic and popular with the NOT-Mormons, and made good, life-long friends, and good marriages. They were liked for themselves, and not for money. They have a good work ethic, and they value education, and are raising their own children that way, now. My kids loved my parents, and I have my own photos of them and our times together, and we have memories, and those close relationships, that no one can steal from us.

The point is, that my children's lifestyle is not about money and prestige and putting on a show, so it's ok that they don't want the old traditional memorabilia. They love nature, and sports, their homes, their gardens, trips to the beach and mountains, camping and sports equipment, computer gadgets. Their furniture is sparse--they like Ikea stuff, modern, simple things. My daughter's paintings and family photos are on their walls. I still have two crystal chandeliers to sell, because my kids think they are gaudy and hideous--well, they do look silly, and are a nuisance to clean.

Ironically, my children are quite successful, and could afford finery of their own choosing, but they don't want it.

At our new "traditional" Thanksgiving dinner, the kids sit at the table with the adults, and the little ones like to decorate the table themselves, with pine cones and gourds and hand-made place cards. The dishes go in the dishwasher, and we all go sledding.

If you can, find a friend, and sell your stuff together. Old things can be kind of interesting. We are amazed and the hand-sewn lace and embroidery, that our grandmas and great-grandmas would do, and we could not part with that--all that work!

Don't keep those dear little Hummel people and those other delicate works of art packed away in some garage--but bring them out and clean them up and set them free to be appreciated by someone! (I took photos of the ones I was attached to, and I did keep a few of them, to bring out at Christmastime.)

There was a well written article entitled, 'No one wants grandmas brown furniture'. It certainly is true. We cleaned out my mothers house in Florida 2 years ago. It was an ordeal. We had 2 charities come pick up the furniture and they rejected half of it. Those pieces were not desirable. I got a pickup truck for several days and became quite acquainted with the local landfill. It made me think of the stuff we have and what we may put our children through.

My mother passed away yesterday in hospice care. Dementia. I took the few things she had left and I could carry it in one trip to the car. We really don't need much stuff.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/22/2019 10:16AM by Eric K.

Sorry to hear of her passing, Eric. Tis true, we're all drowning in stuff. Be good to yourself at this time.

Oh, Erick, my condolences. I know we were expecting this after your previous posts. I am glad she is not suffering.

You did a lot this past year checking on her and moving her around. She had a good son!

My condolences, Eric.

I remember the mixed feelings, and I wish you the best possible.

So sorry to hear about your mom. My condolences.

Sorry to hear of your mom's passing Eric. Downsizing is a sobering exercise when it's one's parents belongings. When we cleaned out my dad's suite at his seniors lodge 19 years ago there wasn't much left to show for 90 years of living a full life. I'm still dealing with divesting myself of my late wife's clothing.

Please throw away stuff, recycle or donate. Don't place the burden on the survivors.

E.O.D.,

If you still possess that London Fog raincoat purchased from Ronzoni's from the 1960s, why not contact the Clark County Museum in Henderson to see if they would like to have it to put in one of their historical houses? They display clothing in many closets of the houses appropriate for the time that they were built or restored to. Also, they have a room in one of the houses dedicated to the well-known local clothing stores. It's been some years since I visited there, but expect they would have a display of Ronzoni's wares. The museum and its grounds are a nostalgic hoot.

Did you cruise Fremont when the Union Station was still there?

Is it time for an Ex-Mormon Museum?

Or a "Bonfire of the Insanities?"

I have thrown so much away. Unbeknownst to my wife, I went around and gathered up all those paperback BoM's that end up in your house when you're an active member, and pulled them apart before disposing of them. I keep my own Bible and "triple combination" given to me by my inactive father just before he passed away, merely as memorabilia and the fact that he inscribed them to me, and they carry examples of his beautiful handwriting. I have tried to keep any book that one can use to go back and demonstrate the several former doctrines that the church has abandoned, to use as evidence of the gaslighting by leaders of the church.

My mission, although it was to a wonderful corner of the earth (Italy, shortly after the mission opened), was a wash. My memories of it are mostly disturbing, so I tore up and threw away my mission journal, keeping 3 pages that contain maps and histories of my transfers. That's so I can show my long transfers across a whole country that prove to people that missionaries were not always kept on the short lead they are today, and were given more freedom back in the day. (I once took a train to the Port of Genova, then an overnight ferry to Porto Torres, Sardinia, followed by a train ride to Cagliari on the other end of the large island, where I grabbed a taxi and had it take me to my apartment, where I had to stand and wait for the missionaries to return and allow me in. It took me two days. I sat and read newspapers and magazines, so far not considered anathema to the church.)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/26/2019 01:49PM by cludgie.

Lol. Beat your transfer, cludgie! Rio de Janeiro to Recife, Brazil, 1,500 miles by bus. I do think there were two of us on the bus, but not sure. Transfer from Recife to Brasilia was by air. Brasilia back to Rio by bus, alone.

I kept my passport, visa and missionary certificate. All other Mormon memorabilia was tossed. I kept a few non-Mo books, a guitar and leather jacket and a "figa" rosewood bottle opener, which I still use to pop open a Guinness now and then :)