More importantly, I had to be honest with my children, and their children, and theirs. Even though I had been able to overcome the cognitive dissonance of belonging to a racist, sexist, homophobic institution, I could no longer maintain my silence, while my kids were being brainwashed to sing the praises of a sexual predator, in a church with a serious sexual abuse problem. When I finally went back it was like a GD movie. I nearly had to bite my tongue in half to resist blurting out, so everybody in my son's scout camp could hear, "It's a FRAUD!" When the scout master told us that we all needed to emulate the life of Joseph's Myth. I wanted to say, "I dunno, I kinda like just having one wife and not abusing my power to sesually exploit, I mean rape, other mens wives and teenage children."
My heart raced. It just was not healthy environment for me. But I'm sure overlooking and excusing the massive abuse going on in the church you identify with works for you, so you be you. As for me, I refuse to allow my children to be brainwashed to believe they should sing the praises of a sexual predator who started your Doomsday CULT and had sex with his follower's wives and teenage children.
I actually care about my children,
No success in the Doomsday CULT of Joseph's Myth Sycophants makes up for failure to protect your children from a known sexual predator, just because he was an 'authority' figure to you.
And I care about the children after them.
I think terms of 11 generations, the 5 before me, my generation and the 5 after me.
I'm with the 5 generations after ours. I'm with my kids. It's their world.
I think the 3 before me might have been proud of the fact that I was the first one in our family to do the math and figure out that it really didnt't add up and I wasn't falling for the abusive bullshit I inherited, just because I inherited it.
Edited 4 time(s). Last edit at 09/28/2019 05:23PM by schrodingerscat.
nolongerangry Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > ... the BOM used as a threat.
That's what kept me in longer than I should have been. It took me to come to the point where I realized it was all bogus to finally find the courage to leave and at that point it was easy.
I just couldn't take it anymore! I was the right puzzle piece trying to fit myself into the wrong puzzle. I kept forcing myself and finally accepted that I wasn't a good fit in the Mormon puzzle.
It is such a relief to no longer force myself to believe in fairytale nonsense. My brain is so much more at peace.
I am ex-Mormon because the inspired leadership that had jurisdiction over me during my darkest moments proved to me, by their acts, that they were mere mortals.
Case in point. I once ministered to a young lady who was homeless. I was young, and my heart was not covered yet with scars. One day, I brought her groceries in the small apartment I somehow afforded to place her in. When I put the goods away in the cupboard, she attacked me, and begged me to make love to her.
I did as she desired. At the finish, I cried out, "Do you know what has been done?"
I felt so lost, destroyed and terrified for my eternal soul that I went straight to my Bishop and poured out my soul to him.
He lifted the phone and called the Stake President. Dryly, he said, Brother Name has just boasted to me about his sins. I feel it's time a Court was convened to deal with him."
Shortly thereafter, the inspired Brethren, in a Court of Love, kicked me out like a football.
Some sinners require this act. I was not among them.
To me the church meant much more to me than my life.
But after I returned home, I realized deep down that the church was a fake, and that I had been terribly abused.
Over the years, I have come to full peace between me and my God, if there is one.
The church is a harmful tribe that warps individuals, families and even entire populations. It grooms men and women from childhood to be loving to the worthy.
This is the opposite of what Jesus Christ spent His time teaching.
Lest you assume that I was loose with my sexuality, please be aware that I had never sinned sexually before nor since that fateful day.
My mother instilled in each of us the sacred nature of our bodies and the seriousness of casually playing with the fountains of life.
Talk about leadership roulette. In my most pious moments I'd have known better than to admit that to leadership. So did you end up with the formerly homeless girl. Obviously you cared a great deal for her and gave in to her advances in spite of your strong beliefs.
I followed the evidence to its logical conclusion, it's a fraud. When I did, I said to myself, outloud, "It's a fraud!" And suddenly all the cognitive dissonance I'd accumulated over my previous 40 years, suddenly lifted and I felt much lighter. I felt liberated. I felt like the captive of Plato's cave, who was born in the cave and was raised to believe the shadows projected onto the walls of the cave were all there was to reality. THen one day I saw a light outside the cave and I followed it. When I got there, I saw rainbows and volcanoes and oceans and the rivers in between them. I came back in the cave to tell the others how wonderful it was outside the cave, if they just turned around and saw the light, but they chose the shadows on teh walls and reprimanded me for wandering outside the walls of the cave. I was austicized for questioning the group's foundational myths, even though it was clearly apparent to me that this was all just a movie projected on the wall and that reality, outside was far, far more beautiful, healthy and true. They hated me for pointing out reality to them. I was disowned by my own family, hated, because I stood up for their kids when their kids were being abused. I got my kids out. Not everybody's so lucky. I stand up for them. I speak up for them and refuse to remain silent, as long as my loved ones remain captivated and are abused and exploited by the charlitans who brainwashed them to sing the praises of a pedophile.
I once put my trust in several church members and they let me down. That's not a reason to leave. I once put my trust in Mormon church leaders and they let me down. That's not necessarily a good reason to leave either. Working together like a well-oiled machine, several church members and church leaders did things to harm my life and they made it clear afterward that they would do it again, given the opportunity. That's why I left. If I ever see a written apology from the church and on church letterhead to me, I'll listen to what they have to say after that. Considering how seriously the church takes its responsibilities to do the right thing, I would rather just flush money down the toilet and expect some good to come of it. At least if you flush money down the toilet, there is a remote possibility that it will do some good for someone somewhere. With the Mormon church, you know someone's going to get hurt every time, eventually.
In a nutshell - Mormonism is a fraud, created by a money-hungry, power-hungry sex-crazed conman. I couldn't sing the praises of such a man after finding out the truth about him. Much less "follow" him. i.e. "Follow the prophet.
After discovering the racist teachings, I could not accept the church's justifications behind it, or why the Priesthood ban had taken place. Especially as a woman of colour. I couldn't pretend that I was okay with it, or being on the receiving end of the racism I experienced while in that cult.
I didn't like being disconnected from the world around me, because it was "safe" and "a good shelter" to remain within the Mormon Bubble/Community.
Personal honesty and integrity. I tried to stay in the church, because I thought that it was still fundamentally good despite the past (and current) skeletons in their closet. But I couldn't pretend that I believe in the religion and its so-called prophets, past and present. Some months after I came to the conclusions that I did about TSCC, the bishopric tried to force me to take a calling where I would teach primary (as a ploy to keep me from becoming "inactive" I'm sure). I couldn't do it. I also couldn't play a role. Even before, it was hard to plaster a smile on my face and pretend that my life was "peachy keen" just because I had the so-called "gospel." I've met a lot of phony, "perfect" people in my last ward. I really didn't want to continue to be one.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/28/2019 09:04PM by severedpuppetstrings.
Church would have been okay except that I’d have been surrounded by Mormons. That’s a problem for me. That and I can’t sustain the leadership on any level.
The hypocrisy stunned me. I knew wonderful people who were "of color" and gay (even though I really didn't understand) and a lot of WONDERFUL people who were ex or nevermo. I knew a lot of mormons who were major assholes. I knew a lot of mormons that acted one way when other mormons were watching and a whole other way when they were not. I did NOT believe that God wanted MMM. Nope. God doesn't want you to kill people.
The final straw for me was finding out what went on in the temple. Dude, that WHACK! I could not believe God wanted you to do something so damn stupid. Magic handshakes? New secret names? And the clothes, good lord the clothes. Yes, I was a horrible child and peeked into the super secret temple suitcase.
Then as I got older and learned more of the doctrine I saw just how dumb and manipulative so much of it was. Church history was NOT on their side. I saw them start to lie about it. I am so old I remember the tours of BY's houses and allllll those poor women.
I got out as soon as I could and no way in hell would I raise a child in that mess.
It’s all based on lies, a complete fraud. It is a cult, sociologically and theologically. It is socially unpleasant and psychologically damaging to be a mormon, and on top of that, spiritually abusive. Even if there were some benefits to being a mormon, as there might be for some people, i still would consider it morally wrong for me to be a part of something like this. Overall it made me miserable and destroyed my sense of self as well as my self esteem. Mormons are not pleasant to be around and I don’t like the way they behave. They are narrow minded, deluded, judgmental and prejudiced. The mormon church is against gay people, non-white people, and I misogynistic. It’s prejudice and hatred is sickening. The mormon church is controlling and abusive in many ways.
And because not being mormon is so much better in every way.
I was kicked out of the tribe. It was just as well because I was never a good fit anyways. It didn't work out for me. I hated being where I was supposed to feel the greatest level of spirituality, the temple.
That word is a victory for Satan so I shall refer to my self as [too long of a phrase to write because it takes too long] and thus people can see how non clueless we are in this beloved Church.
I was also a questioner and the evidence showed that it was just a cult based on fiction so some pervert could sleep around with as many women and girls as he wanted.
My 2007 epiphany was a "WTF moment," when I discovered that important dates were changed when the "Book of Commandments" morphed into "The Doctrine and Covenants." Dates were obviously changed to make the D&C jibe with already-narrated events, and to string the story along in a more believable sequence. It really got me pissed off. During my time on Google, trying to get to the bottom of all this, I discovered Recovery from Mormonism, and learned even more. I also learned that there were people like me who had been led down the same path, and discovered that people could simply resign their membership. By the end of 2007, I decided to exit the church. I was serving overseas, and waited until my return to the states in 2008 to tell anyone. Then I resigned on Jan. 1, 2009.
Exactly. That is why I was thrilled to find out Mormonism was false. I was suddenly free to find my own sub-culture, my own people. And I did. And I am a million times happier.
Of course being in the "culture" of BYU when I realized the lie was an extra reason to fly out of there like a bat out of hell.
I rejoice your dash for freedom, dash for others like yourself. That had to be elating.
As for myself, mormons were more “my people” than not. I wanted to remain, even while no longer believing. And even after reading the JofD and the History, and learning about the early church, and the monstrosity names BY, I still tried to hang on and say that was then this is now.
But the now part began to fade in appearance. The sub-culture wasn’t worth it, and so I stopped pretending.
I had no group or other sub-culture to run to. So the first two or three years were very painful, and it took about five years all told before I truly felt good about leaving the sub-culture behind. Frankly, had not my wife also questioned and concluded for herself (three children were still under 4), independently, I might still be Mormon today. *shudder*
I know my case is unusual. I get what you are saying.
Where I come from is a small Mormon pioneer town in the mountains of Utah and the people are wonderful. They are for the most part not like the people you read about on RFM. When my dad built his house everyone just showed up to help on Saturdays. People just show up with food when you need it and not because they were assigned to do it. Very few are judgemental at all.
Had I realized the church was false but been in that environment (and not been gay) then the subculture might have been more tempting to cling to. I might have been one of those who kept on the rose colored glasses and thought of all the supposed good the church does in spite of not being true. I might have felt lost and pained as you say.
Even now when I go back everyone is so happy to see me and catch up even knowing I am a big gay apostate. Still want hugs and laughs.
I love your stories about where you came from, written here and elsewhere. And I love more that you were able to get away and get to where you truly belonged.
The sad part is the TMB's are so brainwashed that they have no clue the cult is just that. A huge lie. There needs to be a movement started to seriously expose the cult for what it really is and to get the brainwashed masses the help that they need.
I loved the church, the fellowship, the activities, even some of the meetings. I believe Mormon people are generally salt of the earth. I wanted to be a part of it.
But I came to realize you had to believe or ignore so many truth claims that are clearly untrue. Book of Mormon and Book of Abraham. The whole temple ceremony. And then I studied early Christian history and concluded that all religions are man made and rational evidence for the existence of the Christian/Mormon God is non-existence.
Doctrinally, I don't believe Christ suffered for our sins in Gethsemane. That was the fact that allowed me to justify it.
That came long after I had felt something was wrong in the temple, feeling lesser-than for being a woman, and feeling surprisingly afraid of a God that doesn't send people to Hell.
works before grace is a mockery of the cross. grace is a free gift and a peace that does not require vain mormon usless works.Mormon rightousness is nothing but filthy rags.
johnboy23 Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > works before grace is a mockery of the cross. > grace is a free gift and a peace that does not > require vain mormon usless works.Mormon > rightousness is nothing but filthy rags.
Being Mormon felt weird, embarrassing, and oppressive. Plus it's pretty obvious there's no god ... certainly not the Mormon one who has many wives, picks a bunch of ridiculous old men to represent him, and always needs money.