Does anyone tell family or friends that you post here? I recently told my mom that I post here and she flat out started crying, like a lot. We had a back and forth about the cult, she thinks it is real and true, I told her it is a flat out lie.

She really got upset when I brought up the JS vision story. She does not believe there were multiple versions. I just don't understand why they can't see the facts.

stillangry Wrote:
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> Does anyone tell family or friends that you post
> here?

I've told my wife. She thinks it makes me more angry.

Mine said that too.

My ex knew I was posting on the other board that no longer exists.

I one told my mom I was going to a post-mormon meeting. She asked why I felt I needed to attend such a thing. I told her is was like AA, but learning how to recover from mormonism.

Great answer!

My wife doesn't like that I post here (she's out). She thinks that I waste too much time here.

My siblings (who are out as well) are angry with me for quitting the church and breaking my mother's heart.

It's one thing to tell people you won't go to war for your country. It's another thing to tell them you're enlisting on the other side. Just think of how divisive the US Civil War was.

My husband doesn't like it, since I spend most of my time smack talking his Mom. He thinks it's a waste of time and that all it does is rile my temper, but all I have to reply to him is that if he can spend a zillion hours talking with online friends about fishing when he could be fishing, he can't call what I do wasting time.

I haven't told MIL or any TBM relations about posting here, it would probably be really hurtful to them considering all the dirty laundry I've put out. And it would be pointless, if they're going to wake up (unlikely) they're going to have to do it for themselves. I know these people. They won't see facts unless they want to first.

ptbarnum Wrote:
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> They won't
> see facts unless they want to first.

You've described actual "common sense" instead of what is propagated as such.

The only time I've mentioned posting here, to Saucie, she told me to shut up and kiss her.

So I did.

I would like to tell people I post here, but no one cares...especially the people who post here!

I desperately want to believe that there's a clerk on the Strengthing Church Members Committee who has the A-F section of known exmo screennames who post insults to the church and that he secretly enjoys reading my posts, but doesn't read for anti-mormon content, just for humor. And that he has so far been able to keep me off the Danite hit-list.

If anyone takes an interest in Saucie and tries to send you on a mission, don’t fall for it.

elderolddog Wrote:
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> I desperately want to believe that there's a clerk
> on the Strengthing Church Members Committee who
> has the A-F section of known exmo screennames who
> post insults to the church and that he secretly
> enjoys reading my posts, but doesn't read for
> anti-mormon content, just for humor.

Self referential.

> Self referential


You make it sound dirty! I like that!

I remember i wanted to get on the danite hit list quickly because i knew recovery was going to be extremely hard and i would have to face blocked out memories of humiliating abuse and constant brainwashing to undo in the mind. Figured the quick death by their hands was the easier route than the long road of recovery.

My family is now accusing me of being the closed minded one in the family. I burst out laughing when they said it. These people are die hard TBM's and will be for life. I consider Mormonism a mental disease.

I think mormonism, and the practice thereof, is definitely a handicap. But they can't have a handicap parking placard!

I frequently wonder how golf courses manage their parking lots with all those handicapped people coming and going.

Perhaps that question will be answered in the hereafter.

It is an insane plague that i don't think any mental professional fully gets the grasp of yet.

I refer a lot of my mormon friends and family to this board for recovery, although I have never told any of them that I write here. None of them have asked about that. Considering that I use my real first name here and that I've described in some detail, many of my life experiences and a few geographic locations, it wouldn't be difficult for someone who knows me, to recognize me here. But that's okay. If they read far enough to come across something I've written and that they recognize, then perhaps it's mission accomplished. Let them read all of my posts, including the relatively crazy ones. Depending on who they are, they may even have inside knowledge or memories about what I have written. I haven't written anything here that I haven't said in person to many of my closest friends and family. The only restraint I have exercised involving them is that I am careful not to say things that I know will offend them because they let me know they didn't want to hear it or that in a given setting, it would have come across offensively. But if they want to read what I have written here, I don't see that I have crossed their boundaries in that case. I don't promote that anyone should come here to read my posts and I don't actively promote RFM to anyone who doesn't want to hear it. Ripping away someone's so-called testimony can be like ripping a bandage off of an open wound. It's not always pretty sometimes and people can even bleed to death (metaphorically) if you kick the (metaphoric) crutch out from under them. So I'll mention RFM and what it does in casual conversations. Those who are ready will lock-in on that information and ask what the website address is. It's very easy to remember. I don't know if anyone has ever come here by being referred by me. I did grow-up in a small town that is actually a part of a big city. I have recognized a few posts here enough to know that some of those individuals who wrote certain posts here probably went to the same highschool that I did when I was there (Priests and Laurals). That narrows things down to a small enough pool that I might know them. But I respect their privacy and don't feel a need to know for sure if its who I think it might be unless they want to ask me if I am who they think I might be.

I am getting ready to perhaps, start writing about some parts of the church and about my upbringing that I haven't written about publicly yet. If that happens, it'll probably be impractical for me to remain anonymous at that point since some excerpts that I write about will come from a book that my mother published a few years before her death. She identified me in the book (as a child) by my full legal name (another of her boundary violations). She was a sociopath and did a lot of bad things that eventually put her in prison for several years. I don't think she was ever charged with the child molestation and she didn't talk about that in the book. The book was a combination of confessions, stating the truth without remourse, justifications and white-washes weaved-in with mormon beliefs and her attempts of reconsiling all of that, all of which can be difficult to believe. Whether or not there is any value to be found in discussing those things in a public forum, is something that I am still unsure about at this time. I have extended family members that are struggling now still as a result of those things, that no one has ever talked about with them and yet they were affected greatly and don't know the truth. The book is out of print now but is still listed on Amazon as unavailable. Most of us in my family were glad to see it die after she died.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 11/10/2019 01:36PM by azsteve.

Since the book was published, it is floating around in some library on this Earth. Most libraries have a database called OCLC WorldCat. There is a good chance that it is still available through inter-library loan.

azsteve, would you be willing to share the book title and or ISBN?

I am still thinking about whether or not the book is worth sharing here or anywhere for that matter. If I do post an Amazon link to it, it'll probably be in a new thread as a topic of its own. The book does display quite vividly, the issues of mental issues and amongst other things, Morminism. She was quite talented and did a good job of painting a picture of herself and her own childhood. When I was a young child, she was my best friend and protector/advocate. Then it was like one day, the mother I knew just disappeared and became someone else. She and my dad divorced and she brought criminals in to our home. But that is from a child's perspective. My siblings and my father have stories of the craziness going back to before my birth. For years after my father got custody of myself and my siblings, I didn't speak with my mother. Then there was some reconciliation as she got older, and less likely and capable of causing damages to my life. I never trusted her enough to let her know where I lived as an adult. Then when her book came out, I bought a copy. After I read it, we went several more years without speaking, other than to let her know I didn't want to hear from her. I threw the book away after reading it. Then I forgave her again a few years before she died.

My father seems to have found it easier to forgive her than I did. I don't know how he forgave her. He has never been a member of the church. He always credited her with the good things that she did for myself and my siblings, despite the fact that her actions oblitterated what we once had as a family and of his marriage to her. He is an honest and good man man and I grew up wanting to be like him.

At one point in the book, my mother admits to helping to plot the murder of a Seattle police officer and of taking part in the burglary of his home. Fortunately, the murder never never happened. But she was prosecuted for taking part in the burglery and ransacking of his home. She brought these criminals to his home because she had been in his home as a personal friend, and had seen his gun racks, which she and her criminal friends wanted after she told these criminals about the guns. I shutter to think what this officer and his family went through and how much worse it would have been if anyone had been home when they came there, or if he had been murdered as was the original plan. I remember hearing her talk about her police-officer-friend with the guns to these criminals who lived with us. She volunteered that information. In the book, she claims that these people had threatened to kill her children which threats they did make (I was one of those children). But from what I witnessed, she seemed way to interested in working with them instead of asking anyone else for help. One night I was woken-up by the police in my bedroom. I saw a flashlight shine in my eyes in a dark room, from a slightly cracked-open door and a few seconds later, the lights went on and there were several uniformed police officers in my bedroom. They arrested all of the adults in the home on drug burglery charges and sent me to school several hours later. Somehow everyone got out of jail the next day and we quickly left the area. That was just the start of what ended up being a cross country run from the law. Grief is supposed to come to an end when meaning is brought to the traumatic events. I am still scratching my head about that and looking for the meaning. Fortunately, I looked to my father when asking myself who I wanted to be like. My sisters somehow ended up getting married and raising families and my younger brother died of an overdose of recreational drugs.

That's a helluva story, azsteve. I'm sorry you had to go through that.

I guess it's probably no big deal to tell others here more about the book. The name of the book is "Life Among the Grasses" by Beverly Jane Fox. ISBN-13: 978-1424158522 and ISBN-10: 1424158524. I don't know how to create a link from the Amazon app but this should be enough information to locate it. If someone sees anything in the book description worthy of discussion, feel free to start a new thread and I'll probably respond. There was Mormonism in my mother's side of my family since at least her childhood. But I don't know how far back it goes or how much of her actions were a result of Mormon influences. I can see many trends in mormon culture that I suspect caused her understanding of right and wrong to fracture.

I assume azsteve doesn't want to share his mother's book, because there's nothing in it that is worthwhile, healing, or helpful, right. Just a pointless drag through the mud?

No one knows I write on RFM, because my very scary, violent ex-husband and his sick GA-Mormon-royalty family think they own me and my children (fathered by my second husband, years later) through the New and Everlasting Covenant of The Holy Mormon Temple. I have changed some minor facts and numbers concerning my life and whereabouts, but nothing about my experiences and who I really am, in order to stay safe. My ex's important GA relative approached me at a wedding, and said that he knew me from somewhere.... My TBM friends were impressed and gushing to be near such a big celebrity. I gave him a blank stare, and said, "We've never met, but I know who you are. Nice to meet you. I'm Claire Forgan."

My TBM parents were older, and they died before I resigned from the cult, so I didn't have the problem of "breaking their heart." I don't talk about religion at all with my Mormon family. The Mormon stalkers and gossips found out that I resigned, and are shunning me, which is fine.

I agree with Stillangry, that Mormonism is a mental disease. There's nothing I can do to help them. Life is easier, now that I've stopped trying to rescue others from the cult--who don't want to know the Truth. I have told a few ex-mormon friends about RFM. I think I recognize some posters here, but I respect their anonymity, also.

I do like to secretly leave little business cards around, with this website printed on it, for example, in Books of Mormon in Marriott Hotels, in doctors' waiting rooms where missionaries accost patients (a captive audience), at Mormon visitors centers, and whenever I have go to into a Mormon building. I make sure no one sees me do this. I will print the links to find the CES letters, or a relevant message or question on the card--whatever seems to be on people's mind at the time. It is less painful to be forced into Mormon situations, if I can leave these cards around.

Relocating secretly does help the mind somewhat breathe and be able to heal without constant disturbance. I think i need to relocate one more time secretly and on the fly and i will be in an ideal and optimal position to heal undisturbed even faster. Moving in with sane and non-abusive individuals that can stand in between me and my family if they try to hunt me down being the controlling narcisssists that they are has helped as well. The people i live with now are not even close to being as angry and violent and abusive as my family was to me and it has been paradise to live with sane and decent people.

I told a close relative and showed her an exchange I had with a prominent posters that was really quite enlightening. And the response from her was "why do you want to waste your time with all those weirdos?"

TBMs don't understand this site saddly.

My daughter knows I post here and doesn't like that I do. She doesn't say anything about it any longer, though. My "husband" knows I post here and I send him links to the things I find that he would enjoy reading and he does read them.

Everyone that is in my inner circle knows I post here. Even my older sister who still goes to church knows I post here. I sent her that "Mormon Royalty" list that is on here and she laughed and laughed. She said she was going to get a lot of mileage out of it.

I had the same issue when I tried to explain the lies to my late wife.
She said "well the I guess we are divorced when one of us dies." she would not even consider any evidence contary to here current bias toward Mormonism. I still love her dearly even though she is now 2 years dead.

thedesertrat1 Wrote:
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> I still love her dearly even though she
> is now 2 years dead.


That's the best thing I've heard in a long time.

She’s probably married to Joseph Smith by now.

What is the Mormon Royalty list?

They rolled over, laughing their little butts off and then slipped back into the water.

They wanted nothing to do with either mormonism or RfM. Sometimes I wish it really was that simple.

I know they don't want to know. So I don't tell them what they don't want to know.

I don't pretend to believe in any of the nonsense. But I don't go out of my way to force them into conversations they don't want to have.

Fortunately, most of them are good and decent people and we still have enough common ground in areas that do not depend on me believing in Mormonism...so that we can still enjoy each others' companionship.

When I initially discovered the things that I discovered that made it abundantly clear how ridiculously false the core claims of Mormonism were, I mistakenly assumed that other Mormons would be just as curious and fascinated. You know, as in: "Wow! So Brigham Young did really preach that we pray to and worship Adam! And he did it right in General Conference! That is important information. I'm so thankful that you showed it to me".......

.....As in, that was never the response I got when sharing important finds with my Mormon friends and family members.

Mostly the only response I got was a facial expression that said: "I'm going to pretend that I did not hear anything you said and you're going to pretend that you did not say what you said and, after counting to ten, I will start talking about something that is completely unrelated and you will play along and we can still be friends."

I used to think Mormons would be curious. "Why don't you believe anymore? I really want to know."

That never happened. Not even once. Something tells me that they harbor a deep-seated fear about my reasons for not believing. They fear that the reasons are solid and have the potential to destroy the foundations of the conceptual "home" that they've been living in all their lives.

Under the circumstances, it would be pointless and maybe even cruel to start popping all their balloons and taking away their cotton candy. Maybe it would be better for them in the long run, if I could control the aftermath. But I can't control the aftermath and I don't want them to lose their minds and run out into traffic and get injured or killed (figuratively speaking), on top of hating me forever.

> Under the circumstances, it would be pointless and
> maybe even cruel to start popping all their
> balloons and taking away their cotton candy.

Cruel to them and to you, as many of us learned when we thought they might care but discovered they'd rather lose us than their faith.


----------------
> Maybe it would be better for them in the long run,
> if I could control the aftermath.

Jujitsu. Give up the attempt at overt control, let their own momentum work in your favor. In other words, stand as an example and wait for the church's mistakes to drive them into your arms.


----------------
> But I can't
> control the aftermath and I don't want them to
> lose their minds and run out into traffic and get
> injured or killed (figuratively speaking), on top
> of hating me forever.

Wisdom.

I know exactly what you are talking about. I tried to present facts in front of a family once and i will never do that again. I am just going to focus on improving my own life solely from now on and keep improving even if it seems slow and difficult. Trying to show them truth or common sense or common logic of a second grader is a waste of energy to do or even think about for me anymore. I'm still healing but i am seeing results so my efforts to improve myself have not been in vain.

I found that ignoring the religion and the people including family has helped me the most. I can not care what they think anymore i have to move on and never look back. Whatever happens in my life happens. I know my brain works my properly than it used to so something i am doing is working. I feel more like myself that i have not been for a very long time. Like the authenticity i had in elementary school before everyone started to brainwash me and indoctrinate me over and over until i just shut down and hid within my own mind really while being around these people.