Mother Who Knows
Date: November 11, 2019 06:09AM
My advice would also be to get out of this situation.
If this has to happen, you have been given some good suggestions on how to get through it.
I agree that it would be great for you to invite some of your own family members, or friends, or neighbors, or someone who is alone at Thanksgiving, for dinner, at least.
I was in a similar situation, with some very snarky Mormon in-laws, who seemed to dislike me and everyone else in the world. I also had been married before, and my MIL was always accusing me of still being in love with my ex, and trying to get her son to leave me and marry his old girlfriend who was a RM, and an avid temple-goer. This was a very toxic situation for our marriage, and the confrontations with my nasty MIL made me very upset.
I decided it was my house, too, so I turned things around, so I would be in charge of my self, while they were there. I promised myself that I would not allow her to insult me, and I actually did walk out of the room, on several occasions.
It was Christmas, and I decided that these Mormons weren't going to ruin my Christmas. I felt that my husband should pay the consequences for arranging for these people to stay in our home. They were his parents, and not mine. I would let him take responsibility for them, and do the talking, do the entertaining. It was my precious vacation time off of work, and I was going to shift gears. I would do the behind-the-scenes chores and clean-up, etc., but what I did, when, and how, would be under my control.
I would NOT go to the Mormon church with them on Sunday, that was for sure. Luckily, there was no Mormon Christmas service to argue about. I would not kneel in family prayer. I told them that it was my family's tradition to pray silently, "in secret prayer", privately. They made my husband do it, though, while I was putting out the garbage.
I actually looked forward to doing the dishes and cleaning the kitchen after dinner, because I could be left alone in the kitchen. I took more time than usual preparing special meals (MIL was diabetic and had allergies). I didn't like to cook, but I thought it was a good time to LEARN to be a better cook. I concentrated on the new recipes and my cooking techniques, instead of concentrating on the nasty people I was serving. I dusted and vacuumed, when the house really didn't need cleaning. I went out into the yard and hand-watered, in the lovely, cool California weather, when the garden really didn't need it. I took our dog for long walks. I did have a wedding to go to, and I stayed out with friends, afterwards, instead of going straight home. My ex was angry, because he was alone with his parents almost the whole day.
Because everything was on my husband's shoulders, he hated the visit, and he never invited them to come again!
That made everything worth it! It wasn't so bad for me, after all. I didn't have to be rude, and didn't have to accept any rudeness back. I was a good hostess, and worked hard at it, with breaks in between. If I could do it, so can you! Win-win.