Being Mormon during a portion of my life has had some benefits. I have learned to be a more critical thinker. I have learned that my father had better instincts about people than any of the rest of us in the family. He waved the red flag on Mormonism right away.

I have learned to question authority and trust my own instincts more. I have learned to force myself to think through important decisions with the rational, logical, and analytical part of my brain even when the emotional portion of my brain is screaming to take over. I have learned to verify what others present to me as fact. I have learned that maturity and wisdom are more valuable than remaining childlike and naive. I have learned that humility is not the same thing as submission.

I could go on but I really just wanted to make the point that many of you are beating yourselves up for having been taken in and abused by Mormonism rather than laying the blame fully and squarely on those who were the perpetrators of your pain. Not all of you fall into this category but some are adding insult to injury by kicking yourselves needlessly.

Mormonism and its proponents should answer for their wrongs but they probably, mostly, will not. At Recovery from Mormonism we can make the monster more transparent and hopefully help others to see the beast for what it is. We can support those who are beginning their process of enlightenment. And we can listen to one another respectfully so the healing can commence.

Your years, decades, maybe even nearly a lifetime in the fog of Mormonism doesn't mean you came away with nothing. You have come out of darkness into light. That's a real accomplishment in itself.

Thanks to all of you for being here for me. I hope I can return the favor in some small way.

I’m glad I didn’t choose suicide. Life is worth the suffering and bereavement. Cuz God, ironically. Yeah, um, the Mormon Church can burn in Hell.

I once had thought that suicide was the only answer and the only way out but i am slowly realizing that it is not my only option. For whatever reason the universe sent me back after a suicide didn't take. Very confusing because god or the universe clearly abandoned me to monsters when i was a child.

I would say i am a lot wiser. I am nearly impossible to bullshit now. I can see how humans are constantly trying to trick other humans for profit constantly now like a seventh sense.

+1000 for hearing the sickly tempting siren song of suicide and saying, "nope."

+10000 for waking up after the attempt right back where you started and not immediately demanding a do-over.

It is a most courageous act to choose to stay.

I'm here for a purpose. What that purpose is i have no idea. I am only trying to achieve total self-sustainment right now. Once i am completely self-sustaining i can actually help for real i feel. I know the type of individual i was looking for when i was growing up to give me hope that i never found. I am going to try to become that individual with even all my flaws and imperfections. My counselor probably thinks i am joking and can not achieve this. I am not joking. There is a way to provide hope to all the casualties of that operation. Not really sure how to provide it yet though. I am not at full self or full strength yet. I care about the people that are not doing fine in this life. Everyone else that is doing ok i will ignore because they really don't need me.

Mormonism made me a confident public speaker, which has served me well in many places. I have to give presentations regularly at work.

Mormonism also taught me to respect and look after the elderly.

I never started smoking.

That's the only one I can think of too. And it IS a big thing. I know I would have been a smoker. Everyone smoked when we were young. My friends used it to lose weight and I'm sure I would have tried that. But the down side of that is that I have two kids who started smoking just because of the fact that I disapproved so highly of it and it was a way to rebel. Neither one will ever quit. So it's another one of those things where TSCC teaches the right things for all the wrong reasons.

Four great adult children, three of whom became exmos. Mormonism seems to work for the fourth one.

It helps me a little to know that some people have not joined because I've been able to point out some negative sides and inconsistencies in mormonism. They have listened to me because they knew I had once been a member and thus had some inside information.

I think I'd otherwise regret enormously more for ever joining the cult. Now I just regret a bit, the short stupid period in my life.

But it was a long time ago and happened in another country.

Really it's just an better appreciation for the simpler things in life for the fun and relaxing things that the evil Mormon cult didn't allow, i.e. the ability to choose my own underwear, wearing tank tops when I work out or go to the store, sleeping in on Sunday or going to the gym on a Sunday, my cup of mornin' Joe, a little wine with my dinner, etc.

I have a very good BS-O-Meter. Don't piddle on my shoe and tell me it is raining. It taught me to always follow the money. It taught me not to take people or situations at face value.

^^^^ Pretty much everything I would have said about my own experience.

Similar to Susan I/S.

Having been Mormon was an inoculation that gave some immunity to control tactics, to faith, the ultimate control device. Faith? Yes. I now have no need to believe in things not seen, or understood, that don't make sense. That has enriched my life beyond measure because I trust myself. I'd rather crash and burn all on my own that go down in flames because I trusted someone else.

I feel like I got just enough of the poison to act as a medicine. Which is the way poisons work. A dead virus shot to the arm to keep you healthy.

Agreed. Faith just meant "we need you to shut your brain off". "And while your brain is off we need at least 10% of your money". Thats the jist of it i think. The worst part is the children trapped in the whole thing. I do understand their impossible predicament if they want out.

I've met lots of unusual people. My growing up years were spent in a historic mormon town with a lot of riff raft that would blow in. It was always entertaining.

I learned to not trust people. I don't know if this is a good or bad thing. Mormonism's touting how we were all brothers and sisters and some special chosen sort of people really did a number on my brain...

The words versus actions and behaviors lessons were often and stark.

I agree. Their words never matched their actions. They talk about love? They don't know the first thing about real love. They talk about the poor and the hungry but they don't even help the poor and the hungry across the globe. They build pointless buildings including a f#cking mall.

To know what love is, you must first learn what love isn’t.

I was entrenched in mormonism and active for roughly 45 years. It's always been negative, except for a little praise for giving a good sacrament meeting talk now and then. It did teach me not to be afraid to speak in front of people. The best part of mormonism, though, is when I woke up and left.

Coming out of a cult has really opened my eyes to the world around me. It's a strange thing to be on the outside looking in, but freedom of the mind is a great thing even though that freedom can come with a high price.

valkyriequeen Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> ...but freedom of the mind is
> a great thing even though that freedom can come
> with a high price.


The price of fear, loneliness, self-questioning, being the object of anger, being the odd man out, and not knowing what to believe.

Yes. And not knowing who your true allies in this world are or if there were any to have your back and support you.

Good comment, Elder Berry; I felt all of those things WHILE I was in the church. They control using fear, no one wanted to be friends with me or my family, even if it was a false friendship. When I was a cub scout den mother, my partner called me at work and angrily chewed me out because she didn't think I was doing my job. So much control and criticism and anger from people. When we called some parents on the carpet because their kid was bullying our daughter, both parents screamed at us that it was our daughter's fault.
Jealousy, anger, shunning, and being the odd family out was our experience.
Now, I would rather feel peaceful, even if it's lonesome sometimes, than deal with these monsters.

"your mother was never happy as a mormon."

My dad actually taught us to use our brains. He was rather SHOCKED when he found out I knew my husband was gay before I married him as he told me I was too smart to do that.

I might have met some really nice people--there are a few. That's about it. They are still my friends even if I'm a heathen. Anything else I've learned in life, I could have done it without having to be tortured by mormonism.

I can actually spot closet gays better because of my father. I have two friends that are closet gay and you can see they are literally torturing themselves every single day by pretending not to be. I have no idea how to help them or if i am supposed to help them. It is not worth it to be in the closet. I just want to tell them to be themselves nobody cares. Its 2019. I do know the destruction it can cause if a closet gay marries a woman and has children. I was confused literally my entire life of why my father was so angry all the time and then i finally figured it out. The religion was literally telling him to hate himself and his true nature almost everyday. And that hate got put on everyone around them.

but you never know. Done & Done might have a better answer to that.

I can see how it would be very damaging to the children of a marriage like this. Let alone the wife since I was the wife. It was hard being a single mother and my kids didn't see their dad much, but most of their interaction with him was negative after he left, but they were 9 when he left or 10. Really close to their birthday "both times" or one of the many times he left.

The way to go is to not get married as you and I both agree on. I don't know which they might think they want--to be mormon and to do "what is right," or they want a family or the perfect little life with the picket fence that mormonism promises. My "husband" wanted kids. He got them and then abandoned them. They have also suffered a lot because of what he did. My son has had the hardest time with him, although they have a closer relationship than he does with our daughter as our daughter just pretends she has forgiven him and all is happy and wonderful in life. After all, she has to pretend it is as she is mormon. I dread the day this hits her like a ton of bricks.

Life here was not very tolerable when we were still together when the kids were young. He was extremely selfish (and was for a long time after) and he nitpicked me to death. I couldn't do anything right. And it was my fault he cheated, not his. My fault he couldn't resist temptation because I drank diet coke or left church early with 2 little kids.

I can only begin to imagine what your life was like growing up. It was bad enough here and I KNEW, and we talked about it all the time.

Your friends need to know it is NOT a wise idea to get married. It destroys lives. It is so unfair to the gays, too, as they have a right to have a life that fits them and not one that fits someone else. It was as wrong for me as it was for him.

Sometimes it is of great value to discover what not to do!

For those wanting to be religious Mormonism is a high example of doing it wrong. Same with Scientology. And probably Cathology - whatever flavor of Roman derived pontificating at people. And then there are your minor cults which are able to really ratchet up doing it wrong.

I cheer at everybody's stuff here, all the wisdom and toughness and resiliency. An ability to transmute bad into good? That's a Philosopher's Stone, people! You so totally rock!

I could say a lot of the same things. Stronger sense of self, ability to spot a con, new friends and experiences. So yeah, the lesson was painful but it did lead to a version of myself that I like, a version I may never have become if not for my wrong turn into Cultsville.

A knowledge of 16th Century English comes in handy at the Renaissance Fair.

My reticence to obey much of anything that was preached led me away from the church and into the arms of a Catholic divorcee, 44 years of loving marriage, 2 dear children, 3 precious grandchildren and a love of single malt scotch and craft beer. Had I walked the straight and narrow and married a molly Mormon girl I doubt my life would have been as fulfilling.

This is a very touching post.

My formative years were spent trying to be a good mormon. Some parts were easy, like not drinking and not smoking. And, believe it or not, not wanting to dishonor her, I stopped short of having sex, because of mormonism. I graduated from high school a virgin and I counted that as a real accomplishment. I even got through my first year after high school a virgin.

If she'd been mormon, I probably would not have had my first adventure to two-person sex. And apparently the bishop was thinking along the same lines, because when I 'confessed' to my fallen condition, that was about the first thing he asked, "Was she mormon?" When I said she wasn't, things went very smoothly from that point on. Six months in purgatory, then off to the mission field.

But having learned to excel at masturbation, I was destined for, at best, the lower Terrestrial kingdom. But I can remember thinking that with a good attitude, I still might be useful as heavenly infantry should the need arise.

Without mormonism I think I would have been a very wild child and come to a bad end, as some of my older cousins did.

And you know what difference I can see, apart from mormonism? The role of the parents. Maybe it's way too gross a distinction, but strong parental influence, as in being interested in what the kids are up to, seems to have made a difference. In my case, I think the church, through the good people in my ward, took on that role.

I've thought about that question a lot and I've never really been able to come up with an answer.

Although I can't seem to identify any good coming from my membership in that organization, the problem is that I can't actually see what my life would have been like if I'd never come across it.

I think it would have been better without it. But would it? I just don't know.

What good? Where do I start??

I met the kindest, most loving, intelligent, bilingual, (etc., etc.) man ever. And married him, just over 28 years ago.

When I became disillusioned and left the church, he wept at the thought that we might not be sealed for time and eternity, but he respected my decision. He quit attending, too.

Ours is the kind of companionship you just don't see every day.

Boy Scouts

I went on a mission where I met a guy who became my best friend for the past 35 years. We have had the deepest and most profound friendship I could imagine.

That is pretty much the only really good thing that came out of me being a Mormon. (By the way, he left the LDS church shortly after our mission, just like I did.)

That's a really tough question...and it is one that I have asked myself many times as I have raised 5 out of my 6 children outside of the mormon church. I'm happy about the things that they will not experience, but I also wonder if taking away the stability and the community of religion might be to their detriment. Because once we left the mormon church, we pretty much left religion altogether.

It's easy to point out everything that was awful about my Mormon upbringing. I can echo what a lot of people have already said above. But it wasn't 100% bad. I'd be lying if I said that it was. I still have very fond memories of Boy Scouts, youth dances, potlucks, etc.

I did have a good group of friends that weren't juvenile delinquents - many of them are friends to this day. Of course, there were a lot of never-mo's that were also non-delinquents - nevertheless, it helped to have a group to identify with that could have fun without getting wasted and sleeping around on the weekends. It's just impossible to say what direction my life would have taken outside of the church. Maybe it would have been better. Maybe not.

I do think the mormon church provided me with a solid moral foundation. Somewhat paradoxically, the church taught me to value the truth and to be honest in my dealings. The problems started happening when I recognized the disparities between what the church taught and how it actually operated. So when I saw the lies it wasn't hard to leave. "Do what is right, let the consequence follow" - that continues to be a message with deep personal meaning.

The church did do quite a number on my self-esteem. I feel like I was probably past the age of 35 before I really started to respect myself and get to a point in my life where I wouldn't allow people to mistreat me. I also feel deep regret when I think of some potential romances that I passed up because the girl was a non-member and "wasn't up to my standards." (Barf)



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 11/22/2019 06:26AM by Strength in the Loins.

I identify with everything you said, especially the part about taking so long to mature and not let everyone push you around.

I'm afraid that my late in life ability to stand-up for myself has made it hard for me to be appropriate when I do. I kind of go overboard and come across as too harsh. I'm working on toning it down and learning to say "No" without being intimidating.

Yes. We sound like two peas in a pod. I've gotten pretty good at telling people to go fuck themselves. Maybe too good. Finding that happy medium hasn't been easy.

The best thing is that I have learned how to deal with an ecclesiastical hierarchy whose sole ambition is the total physical and mental control over themembership without regard for the actual needs of the individual member!

I loved scouting as a kid. Both Cubs and Boy Scounts. I loved the activities. I loved the hiking and camping out. Almost all of my closest friends are because of our association within the church. I got to live in a European country for two years. I got to live in the Rocky Mountains and Pacific West Coast - which would never have happened had my parents not joined the church and we eventually left our ancestral Midwestern enclave. My children wouldn't exist had I not met my wife in the church.

Of course, all of this comes at a pretty high price but to be honest, I think if I had it to do all over again I probably would.

A lot of my friends drank,smoked, took drugs, generally abused their bodies and now have health issues and can no longer have any fun. I only sneaked drinking here and there, now I can openly drink moderately and have my health to boot, thank you Mormonism for preserving my body so I can truly enjoy the rest of my my life. I am 67

Thou shalt nots aren't the only paths to health.

I didn't knock up any girlfriends.

I didn't develop a smoking habit.

I avoided the Vietnam War.

I learned what true freedom and what true love are.
I learned how to forgive such a harmful institution as Mormonism.
I learned what beliefs actually mean.
I found God, and it wasn’t Mormon off-his-meds God.

Mormonism has complicated my family dynamic and caused me endless distress, but it also gave me the most beautiful family. It's because of Mormonism that I grew up with both of my parents (my dad would've traded in his share of custody if my mom stayed Mormon for the sake of giving my sister and me more stability). It's because of Mormonism that I have three beautiful half-brothers. It's because of Mormonism that my adopted siblings came into my life, and because of Mormonism that we adopted them.

On a less serious note, I credit Mormonism for my advanced reading levels in elementary school and comprehension skills of complex texts. Reading KJV and BoM since I was little got me used to reading "hard" things earlier.

Mormonism has done nothing good for me. Now I always believed in god, but god and really isn't what Mormonism is about anyway. I left Mormonism when I was 3, but maintained a Christian belief. so glad I never wasted my money on Mormonism, or got rid of my panties.

That is a really difficult question to parse out.

On the one hand, being raised Mormon did have some benefits, but it's hard to know to what extent those were a result of being Mormon or might have been available anyway. For example, it was good to be taught not to smoke tobacco. I may have been taught that in a non-Mormon household, but maybe not--how do you know? I also began thinking about meaning and purpose in life in a way that went beyond acquiring a lot of material possessions or experiencing total self-gratification. Could those things be learned outside of Mormonism (perhaps better)--yes, but not always.

So I guess the best way to think about this is a reverse Gordon Hinkley approach. Mr. Hinkley suggested that converts to Mormonism bring whatever good they have and allow Mormonism to add to it (at least until they ask you to lie for the Lord, but that's not the point here). In the same way, a former Mormon can try to take whatever was good or functional in our lives as Mormons (whether we affix credit to the LDS Church for it or not) and carry it forward into our new lives while letting the hurtful, nonsensical, or useless baggage fade into the background over time.

I learned that it is better to think for yourself than to let someone else do it for you!!!

In more than 40 years I have mane one good and true friend in LDS culture. We're both out.

None of those I tried helping and went to church with for so many years have stuck at all.

Have more long term friends from the hitch in the US Army than all the decades of MoronicPriesthood Central combined.

I didn't drink in high school when I might not have handled it well. Maybe I wouldn't have drunk anyway, but having been Mormon increased the chances. I also appreciate having learned to speak Spanish while on my mission.