God is a-stigmatism, dunking kids for dead, and giving men as many wives as they can marry.

Apparently, this is good and following The Word of Wisdom. IT is a time of winter so eat up the meat!

https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/world/pictures-of-the-year-oddly-around-the-world/ss-BBXk0qD?li=BBnb7Kz#image=42

But these things are really, really, really bad.

https://www.solution-lens.com/drinking-alcohol-tea-coffee-can-affect-contact-lens-comfort/

By logical deduction God likes myopia and a-stigmatisms. He did do that thing to those Lamanite people so it isn't a big surprise. A stigmatizing is a big thing for God and his spiritual eyes probably get screwed up by coffee, tea, and alcohol. Joseph Smith didn't heed God's Word of Wisdom like he shoulda.

And then there is the monthly periods of wetting youth in saving deaths. God ought to look into getting one of these.

https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/world/pictures-of-the-year-oddly-around-the-world/ss-BBXk0qD?li=BBnb7Kz&#image=45

Members could drive it around to Stake Centers and mass baptize kids so much more effectively. I mean every kid 11 or older now is required to have a recommend to get wet for dead people.

And how about the eternal plural marriage thing they have going? God could really attract more men for his royal army of priesthood holders by bringing back temporal polygamy. They have spiritual polygamy so why not in this more liberal political "fullness" of time bring back the material thing?

And here is a way to do that better as well. Let men marry as many women as they can carry!

https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/world/pictures-of-the-year-oddly-around-the-world/ss-BBXk0qD?li=BBnb7Kz&#image=48

Lincoln said polygamy was a twin pillar of barbarism I think. This is a positively inspired way to bring it back. Like ancient pre-historic times.



Edited 4 time(s). Last edit at 12/04/2019 07:15PM by Elder Berry.

135,000 years ago, on the planet Glarbitz, which was ruled over by Elohim's older brother Hellohim.

It's an actual resurrection scene. The worthy priesthood holder has just called his wife forth from the grave and realizes that the resurrection won't last unless he dunks her in the Waters of Eternal Life within 15 minutes after her emergence from the grave. The problem is that you can't get to the Waters of Eternal Life within 15 minutes if you just stroll there. You have to really run as fast as you can...and even then most of the less athletic Latter-day Saints won't get there in time and their resurrected wives will shrivel up and return to the grave.

It's a very grave situation. That's why the guy in the photo has such a look of urgency on his face. He was one of the lucky ones and got to the Waters of Eternal Life just in time. That photo was shot just seconds before he body-slammed his resurrected wife's body into the pool to finish the resurrection process. Unfortunately for him, he had 33 other wives who were still in their graves and only 2 hours to get them all resurrected. Some tough choices had to be made.

Kolob still has the best pan-galactic gargleblaster, but Mormons going to the CK won’t ever have one.

You can't even look at one of them unless you've had the third anointing. Good luck trying to rent or buy one.

But I've heard that there will be a lottery in the CK (held about once every 100 years) and the prize will be three gargleblasts if you pick the winning number. But the winner doesn't get to take the gargleblaster home. The gargleblasts are administered by highly trained and trusted technicians (holding the rank of archangel or higher).

You can buy anything in this world with money.

https://www.lushusa.com/face/teeth/pan-galactic-gargle-blaster/05185.html?utm_term=4584619894697499&utm_campaign=LUSH%20USA%20Shopping%20All&utm_medium=cpc&msclkid=4cc02ae2371a1776fecd770b4dde3016&utm_source=bing&utm_content=All%20Products