Grew up a mormon in the 60s, 70s, early 80s.
Met mormon girl in high school. Became good friends with her parents and brothers. Worked for on brother on the farm for a whole summer. (1 year)
Served a mission, she waited. (2 years)
Got married after 3 months home.
We had 4 children, baptized them all. (19 years of marriage)
A few highlights - spoke at in laws funerals, gave blessings, attended countless nieces and nephews church events, took care of mother in law who died from cancer in my home. Worked hard to support a family on one income while my wife took care of the children at home. Served countless hours for the church, often sacrificing time with my children.
Left the LDS church.
Wife filed for divorce. It took (2 years).
I have been now officially shunned by every member of her family for 16 years.

Basically, I don't understand how a whole family can be this cruel? I do not really want to be around them or be good friends. All I am asking is for some friendly interaction once in a while since we have basically had 24 years of history.

They're 11 years old and terrified that they'll catch your apostate cooties.

Emotionally stunted mormons. Par for the course.

In their eyes, you're the fink, scoundrel, rat, weak minded member that allowed Stan into your heart and defile your temple. The fact that you have made up your mind and aren't easily wooed back into the "Nelson is awesome" camp makes you the bad guy.

They know that:

-a plate of cookies isn't going to help you stop being offended

-the bishop pretending to be your buddy is going to get you to return to the house of secret handshakes

-you really enjoy sinning and would rather enjoy a cup of coffee then giving it to the LDS Corp private jet subsidiary

-you most likely know the true church history better than the top gospel doctrine teacher in your stake

Your relatives don't want to investigate/know why you left. You have a cure for the mormon mental illness.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/12/2019 03:57PM by messygoop.

You kneed Jesus in the balls while he was hugging you!

They HAVE to punish you because you knew better!

He doesn't kneed them. Unless you go off mainstream and think he was/is a polygamist.

elderolddog Wrote:
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> You kneed Jesus in the balls while he was hugging
> you!
================================

:-o
Bawls Haz??

This is such a sad story. And some of my never Mormon friends say, "but it's such a good family church".

I hope your kids are good to you.

This is probably the single best reason for nevermos to not convert to Mormonism. You are putting your most intimate relationships at risk.

I'm in the same situation with my Mormon ex in-laws. We were friends before I even started dating my ex. We lived within a few blocks of each other and all went to the same ward. I was there for them in times of serious illnesses and family tragedies. My children and I helped the cousins financially and emotionally, and in school, and got them help with their mental illnesses and drug problems. I cared deeply about their welfare. We enjoyed all the holidays and birthdays together, and went on vacation and weekend trips with my husband's TBM brothers and their wives.

My own TBM family and I were close, and I took care of my parents, to the end, traveling to see them often, spending the summers and part of Christmas together, providing them with at-home care, so they could stay in their house. I didn't leave Mormonism until after they died. My TBM siblings and their children immediately shunned me. Their lives are a mess, so I'm probably better off to be away from all that.

I really loved these people, and I was crushed when they shunned me. At first, I thought it was my imagination (except for my MIL who was blunt and harsh in blaming me for her son's leaving the cult, and for his cheating). Reading the experiences of other ex-Mormons on RFM, made me realize that this is the typical way Mormons treat those who leave. Mormons who love beyond the church experience do exist, but they are rare. Those who are still friends with me are those who have had children leave, who have gotten divorced, who have a child who is gay, or something "humbling" and different happen in their lives.

I was like you, and all I asked was some "friendly interaction once in a while," but even that was asking too much. Having former loved ones treat you like you DON'T EXIST can cause psychological and emotional damage. I doubted my own value in the world. (If you are no longer of use to the cult, you are no longer of use. Period.) My kids are equally unimportant, because they resigned with me.

It's Christmas, and I will not receive one Christmas card from any of those so-called Christians! I get a card from my dentist and my old childhood friends, but not from my own blood relations. They will not look me in the eye or smile when they see me, let alone wish me a "Merry Christmas." Do you realize how abnormal this is?

My children, who played with their children, have grown up, now, and have children of their own, and have turned out very fine--but none of my Mormon family knows anything about them. They don't care. I hear about what they are doing, from the few relatives with whom I'm in contact--but they tell me that the relatives NEVER ask about me, nor want to talk about me. I do think they are afraid of the Truth, and afraid to hear about ex-Mormons being successful and happy.

I finally had to let go of even wanting to keep track of them. These people don't want me in their life. Because I left their church (though I left quietly), they want me to be gone (dead?). After 30 years, I realize that these people are my enemies--they dislike me and want me and my children to fail. That spells ENEMY.

I hope you have a family of your own, and other loved ones to relate to. For the first few years, I sent Christmas cards to people in the military (they don't do that anymore) and volunteered in the soup kitchen. There are always people who need you, really need you, and who are happy you are there. I love lavishing love onto my children and grandchildren. I'm grateful these snarky Mormons aren't in their lives, either.

That's the bright side to all of this: YOU don't have to put up with nasty Mormons, anymore.

exminion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------

> It's Christmas, and I will not receive one
> Christmas card from any of those so-called
> Christians! I get a card from my dentist and my
> old childhood friends, but not from my own blood
> relations. They will not look me in the eye or
> smile when they see me, let alone wish me a "Merry
> Christmas." Do you realize how abnormal this is?

And yet mormons will go and on how they are so misunderstood and falsely judged for not being true christians.

Sorry bscpnot -- as in totally get it

Now, colleague to colleague, brother to brother, man to man:

We are taught that "good deeds" is like money in the bank.
That our labors earn us some kind of social equity which will be recognized (or at minimum appreciated)

The hard lesson: it doesn't. And it isn't.

When these are (even now) Entitled to your labors, what remains from them now is resentment.
It's hard to realize that in their eyes we never were a real human at all - just a tool

It is a consumer society.
A malfunctioning unit is discarded

It's more accurately "relational equity."
All that great stuff is just expected.

There is no money in the bank.

Do you have a good relationship with them? Are they all mormon?

What about your ex? Did she find a perfect mormon man to marry and he was a wonderful father to your kids, better than you?

I doubt that very much. I was single in the lds church long enough that I never would have dated a mormon again if you paid me (well, it depends on the amount). I had a ward member stop by my house and tell me if I'd just get my divorce, she'd invite me to special interest activities. My thought immediately was, "I guess another good reason not to get the divorce yet."

I'm sorry this has happened. Luckily most of my family is out. My ex's family is for the most part nice to me. The sisters are trouble anyway. My family still has issues. Several of us don't speak, but I took one of my nephews in who need a place to stay for 2 months and my sister doesn't talk to me. Oh well. Her loss. My other siblings all talk to me and not her. She created the situation and she is the only mormon besides our disabled brother.

I hope your kids are still in your life. I just told my ex that our kids are now his to take care of since I took care of them for so long alone. One of them has been causing problems and I told him it is his situation to deal with this time. But I made sure they ahd a relationship with their father. He could see them any time (even if he chose not to). I got no child support or spousal support. He now lives in the house I saved. I wanted my kids to have a relationship with him. I KNEW they needed him.

I do hope you have your kids in your life.

Remember that Ted Bundy and Adolf Hitler are now mormons in good standing.

There is hope for you after you pass away.

When did you become a satanist who eats small children ?

I also cannot understand how people can be so cruel -- especially when they are trying to present themselves as moral people. This is so sad.

My in-laws never spoke to me from the start, so there were never any relationships to lose. However, I do feel a deep sense of loss.

I cannot imagine how horrible it must feel to you to be going through this type of treatment at the hands of people who you thought were family.

It's strange to me how people who claim to be spiritual and good can have almost an alter-ego that is horrible. I'm starting to think there is a connection between the level of shunning and the ways that the person being shunned is unintentionally putting up a mirror that makes them see a glimmer of the hate in their hearts. That's the best explanation I have come up with for myself.

Any group you can't leave without repercussions is a gang. They have to beat you on your way out.