For Saucie: Me! (yeah, I know, boooorrrrriiiinnnnggg)

For Lot's wife: a comfier bra

For Done & Done: a ticket to Funky-Town

For the Lethbridge Reprobate: a fully automatic, voice-activated clay-target thrower

For ookami: a six-pack of Chutzpah

For Catnip: Todo lo que tu deseas, mi amigita

For ziller: a bottle of stripper-pole degreasing spray

For Beth: an assortment of fertile duck eggs to bond with as she sits on them this winter

For Concrete Zipper: A book on how to judge contests and a calendar

For Don Bagley: Good times!

For Nightengale: Six free Catechism lessons

For Praydude: A free weekend at the Gaslight Motel in Fremont, CA

For Bobofitz: a dozen Precept 'wee lassie' golf balls, designed for the 'dainty' driver in every man

For Dave the atheist: A free train ride to Heaven

For Messygoop: Freedom of religion

For Kori/SchrodingersCat: An empty box ...

For Twinker: a Sherlock Holmes magnifying glass

For Summer: A custom-fitted birch 'board of education'

For RichardtheBad: a subscription to informative daily emails from the Science section of the Daily Mail

For GNPE: An Abercrombie & Fitch 'peekaboo' loincloth

For Topper: An arrow that always points up

For caffiend: A Monarch typewriter, like P.G. Wodehouse used, onto which he loaded a 100' roll of paper so he could type for a week without stopping.

For Tevai: A Holy Grail tea set, with a Chabad tea cozy

For Wally Prince: a scale of humor calibrator, with an 'over-the-top' alarm

For 6 iron: a season pass to all the 2020 Hermosillo Hornets hockey games

For MeMikeYouNot: Less patience, more outrage

For Susan I/S: another year of bear necessities

Elder Berry: ... who?

Human & Henry Bemis: Matching golf sweaters

For the Desertrat: two 36 exposure rolls of ektachrome E100 35mm film

For Erik K: A great run to the Finnish line!

Desertwoman: A green $25 Thunderbird Hotel casino chip

For Judic West: Get a life, you freeloader!!!!

For Judy Quest: Absence makes your fish a flounder

For Jordan: the gift of Wonderment! The acceptance of ignorance



I apologize for not making up something for each of you. Once I got interrupted by a call to nature, then I had a bite to eat, then I got up to do something but forgot what it was and wandered for a bit, and now I'm going to take a nap...

I am heartily grateful to say that since about the first week in October I absolutely and resolutely enjoy all of you here, even Jordan, because he is absolutely no skin off my nose.

to all of you: May the Bird of Festivus lay the egg of happiness in the bosom of your navel in 2020.

And no, I'm not the real Jordan, but only a pale shadow.

;+[

Hey watch it, caffiend. LW is my sock puppet, not the other way around.

And that EOD character? We don't know him from Mahonri Moriancumer!

I was NOT on the board at 6:50 tonight, and I have a perfect alibi: I was elsewhere, silencing Jeffrey Epstein's killer (my holiday gift to WJC).

Hey, it was a good joke and sly. So if I were you, I'd take credit and run!

elderolddog Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> For Saucie: Me! (yeah, I know,
> boooorrrrriiiinnnnggg)
>
> For Lot's wife: a comfier bra
>
> For Done & Done: a ticket to Funky-Town
>
> For the Lethbridge Reprobate: a fully automatic,
> voice-activated clay-target thrower
>
> For ookami: a six-pack of Chutzpah
>
> For Catnip: Todo lo que tu deseas, mi amigita
>
> For ziller: a bottle of stripper-pole degreasing
> spray
>
> For Beth: an assortment of fertile duck eggs to
> bond with as she sits on them this winter
>
> For Concrete Zipper: A book on how to judge
> contests and a calendar
>
> For Don Bagley: Good times!
>
> For Nightengale: Six free Catechism lessons
>
> For Praydude: A free weekend at the Gaslight Motel
> in Fremont, CA
>
> For Bobofitz: a dozen Precept 'wee lassie' golf
> balls, designed for the 'dainty' driver in every
> man
>
> For Dave the atheist: A free train ride to
> Heaven
>
> For Messygoop: Freedom of religion
>
> For Kori/SchrodingersCat: An empty box ...
>
> For Twinker: a Sherlock Holmes magnifying glass
>
> For Summer: A custom-fitted birch 'board of
> education'
>
> For RichardtheBad: a subscription to informative
> daily emails from the Science section of the Daily
> Mail
>
> For GNPE: An Abercrombie & Fitch 'peekaboo'
> loincloth
>
> For Topper: An arrow that always points up
>
> For caffiend: A Monarch typewriter, like P.G.
> Wodehouse used, onto which he loaded a 100' roll
> of paper so he could type for a week without
> stopping.
>
> For Tevai: A Holy Grail tea set, with a Chabad
> tea cozy
>
> For Wally Prince: a scale of humor calibrator,
> with an 'over-the-top' alarm
>
> For 6 iron: a season pass to all the 2020
> Hermosillo Hornets hockey games
>
> For MeMikeYouNot: Less patience, more outrage
>
> For Susan I/S: another year of bear necessities
>
> Elder Berry: ... who?
>
> Human & Henry Bemis: Matching golf sweaters
>
> For the Desertrat: two 36 exposure rolls of
> ektachrome E100 35mm film
>
> For Erik K: A great run to the Finnish line!
>
> Desertwoman: A green $25 Thunderbird Hotel casino
> chip
>
> For Judic West: Get a life, you freeloader!!!!
>
> For Judy Quest: Absence makes your fish a
> flounder
>
> For Jordan: the gift of Wonderment! The
> acceptance of ignorance
>
>
>
> I apologize for not making up something for each
> of you. Once I got interrupted by a call to
> nature, then I had a bite to eat, then I got up to
> do something but forgot what it was and wandered
> for a bit, and now I'm going to take a nap...
>
> I am heartily grateful to say that since about the
> first week in October I absolutely and resolutely
> enjoy all of you here, even Jordan, because he is
> absolutely no skin off my nose.
>
> to all of you: May the Bird of Festivus lay the
> egg of happiness in the bosom of your navel in
> 2020.


I get Elderolddog.... He puts christmas in my heart every day.

Thanks Saucie....so thoughtful....what I actually did get for Christmas was having my kids here...nothing can top that.

Nicely done, EOD!

And for you, the board has taken up a collection and purchased a lifetime pass to Taco Bell.

Enjoy it in good health!









*Valid at participating Taco Bell restaurants. Conditions may apply.

Oh, goody, I get to open one of my gifts on Christmas Eve! How did you know that it's just what I always wanted?

Does ineffable mean the same as not effable ?
Asking for a friend.

And now, even more so, with her new WonderBra. --the misGivingsFiend

> Does ineffable mean the same as not effable ?

Close but no cigar. A cousin on the board once called Lot's Wife an "effing bitch," which seemed a typo or two away from the truth. Thus was born Ineffable B*tch.

As for your surmise, the answer probably lies in each individual's preferences!

combustible & incombustible

flammable & inflammable

I'd trade my new bra for your new ducks if you throw in a cook book.

So Santa Old Dog is skipping my house again I see. Lol.

I knew I was running a risk. Words can be playthings as well as be tools, and they can be soft, or have sharp edges...

I probably should have remained silent. But I have a lot of love to give, and it kind of is that time of year. I care about all of you.

Thanks for the thought. I haven’t lost my balls just yet, but when I do it’s nice to know I’ll have some spares to fall back on. Have a good 2020.

EOD,

Thank you for remembering me and for the green $25 Thunderbird Hotel casino chip. I apologize for being very late in replying because of a whole lot o' long story stuff that came up in December that occupied my time and thoughts, culminating in the assembling of a shed (My "Little House") in My Hot Man's backyard. We're in our late 60s, so we're entirely worn out from the assembly process which took nearly a week. Needless to say, we gots more to do, so, unfortunately, I may miss a lot more of RfM, which I hate missing. Tell your Saucie we appreciate the two o' you.

RELAX, I've got my dibs in on the $100 B

But it was appropriate enough, as I've always favored over-the-top humor over under-the-bottom humor. Butt I'm not above under-the-bottom humor whenever random flatulence is involved.

I've been wondering what would be a good gift for an old dog who already has everything.

Then it occurred to me that a dog can never have too many chew toys, so I've prepared a gift basket full of the following chew toys for you:

The Nelson chew toy. When you squeeze it once, it squeaks out "I'm not a Mormon!". If you squeeze it twice in rapid succession, it squeaks out: "Take your vitamins!"

An Ensign Peak chew toy. Bite it and it squeaks out: "100 billion dog biscuits for me!"

An Eyring chew toy: Bite it and it says: "Nepotism!"

An Oaks chew toy: Squeeze it and it squeaks out: "Salamanders are sacred!"

All of the above, plus as a special bonus, a set of used temple garments to chew on.

The gift basket will be going out by UPS (Unjustified Prophet Sustainage) soon. It'll be the best Christmas ever!

may I PLEASE trade in your loincloth for a Kilt?


I don't wish to be persona non grata in the high & mighty snobbish social circles I'm used to circulating in-with, ya know...

Thanks EOD...you rock! I had my kids and grandkids here...can't top that

¡Mil gracias, 'mano!

I did, indeed, get everything I wanted: a quiet day spent with the guy I love, and the evening before that, a marvelous visit with my son and my granddaughters!

Son actually felt pretty awful, as he usually does, after dialysis, but even his less-than-usually-ebullient presence was a gift. He is surviving the hereditary renal failure that killed his grandfather when I was only 15. Back then, nothing could be done.

But I still have my boy, and as always, it was a treat to wrap my arms around him, and his daughters.

Anything else - besides the people and cats that I love - is pocket change.

EOD, even though I wasn't a gift recipient, I am giving you my dad's "The Lamanite Generation" (featuring such gems as "Navajo Baby and "Go My Son") record as soon as I can steal it from him.

Sand, metaphysical, particle, or particleboard?

And I...get...left out.

Shades of Mormon marginalization from the couples world. I feel a PTSD attack being triggered...no, false alarm.

Thank God, my life has been fast-forwarded out of Mormonism and is now almost into 2020!

'Tis the season to avoid people who brag about their lovers. There are certain Christmas letters and e-mails I don't open until after New Year's, and I open them at the office, along with the bills. Happiness is worth preserving.

Happy Holidays to all you single people out there!

Plus health and financial security...all that.

Please don't get offended by EOD's list. So many regulars, nobody could manage a complete list. (Incidentally, I know him, very casually, off-board.)

I was very touched by your posting to Beth. You have, and deserve, a lot to offer.

Cheers!

You are sweet, caffiend. I was just kidding about not being included, as most of RFM was excluded, also. It was a joke. But it wasn't a joke at the time I was marginalized and shunned. It really hurt at first.

I don't have anything against lovers--how wonderful they are in the world, to balance out a lot of the bad stuff! Mothers certainly are lovers! Sometimes, I wish the sex partners would get a room, that's all.

It's just my PTSD talking. Avoidance is how I stay happy during Christmas, and New Year's Eve, and Valentine's Day. It's my preference, just like we all have different tastes in music. There are some songs I prefer not to listen to, just because of bad memories, and there's nothing wrong with the song.

when with my cheating husband as they all loved him. I could pass as mormon royalty then. He still is mormon royalty. I'm the fringe element.

... I want to see THIS MOVIE!!!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ss1CXo8QMi8

(Beth will appreciate the ducks.)