Date: December 29, 2019 09:46AM
It's easy to say that no one should be ratted out to church leaders and in most cases, I would agree. At the same time, there are times when it is totally appropriate to report things to church leaders and to expect an excommunication of others (not that your expectations will have any effect on the process), and to expect help from church leaders to minimize any damages if you've broken the rules yourself and want to make amends. I paid tithing and served a fulltime mission. In a time of personal crisis, it's reasonable to expect church leaders to help put some sanity into the insanity. If other church members have harmed you, they should be held accountable. If they refuse to cooperate in repairing the resulting damages, they should be excommunicated.
At times in church social groups, it is obvious that a friend and his girlfriend are either having sex or are probably having sex. It's their business and no one else's business. So you respect their relationship and their privacy and stay out, except to be a friend to one or both of them and to keep their secrets. But what happens when instead of staying out, your brother in the priesthood decides that if you can have sex with your girlfriend, then he should be able to have sex with her too? The trust you put in him, well, he would rather get laid than to be the friend you thought he was. So behind your back (at first) he starts having sex with her too. Pretty soon, you realize that this woman you decided to take a chance on and fall in love with, is literally the neighborhood use-all and that your friends and neighbors (more than one of them) are all having sex with her too. It's not imagined. Now you can hear it happening like a loud porno on the other side of your bedroom wall. In fact, it pervades your only place of retreat, where you sleep at night. But at first, you don't discover this through anyone telling it to you or by their making any apologies to you. You notice at first, a brief look of trepidation on your friends' faces when they see you. You innocently and naively wonder what they are worried about and dismiss it. You don't find out until later when one day she is rubbing your back and telling you (convincingly) that she loves you with no sign that anything is wrong. The next day she brakes up with you. The next day after that (literally) she wants nothing to do with you but she is hanging out with your friends. Then the day after that (as in two days later) you can hear her on the other side of your bedroom wall, having sex with one of your neighbors. Then the day after that (day three) your so-called priesthood brothers, some of which you have known for years, start coming around and are suddenly on the other side of your bedroom wall, they're having sex with her too. If it were just sex, you might recover relatively quickly. But what if she is the first woman you've ever told her that you love her? What if she is the first woman you ever bought jewelry for? She was quite poor when I met her. For christmas she got me a six-dollar walgreens wall clock. I kept that clock for ten years afterward because I remembered how wonderful I felt when she gave it to me. What if you were a virgin when you met her and you believed her when she said she wanted to marry you? But that was the person you knew three days ago. Now, she is some other person who wants to have sex with anyone else and doesn't want anything to do with you anymore. In retrospect, the weird part is that we didn't have any arguements, ever. Having been in a healthy relationship now for over twenty-five years with someone else now, I know that some level of healthy arguing is normal. But in this first relationship, we didn't ever argue or fight at all. So in my mind at the time, everything was going well until we broke up. With such an abrupt break-up I had to ask myself if she was pregnant. If she was, how was I going to sort anything out, considering how many potential fathers there were? It's one thing for a man to be overly protective of a woman to the the point of possessiveness. I was never that way with her which is why so much happened before I started catching-on. But whatever was going on after I started figuring it out and then it was obvious, she appeared to be very vulnerable and I still loved her. When your friends in the church jump-in on the chance to get some of the sex action on day three after the break-up, simply because they have the opportunity, that does more than just hurt. It makes you wonder what about any of your relationships in life are real. When they're doing it where I can hear it from my own bedroom when I need sleep and recovery, it tries your mental health. The other couple that were using her apartment in the story above, they should have known better. All they wanted to do is get even for my telling the church leaders what was going on, as in retribution for her being excommunicated. I might not have said anything about them to the church leaders if they hadn't lied to the police to get me arrested unjustly instead of just telling the police what they were really doing that might have provoked me. They knew more than I did, about what was going-on with her and how I felt about it. There was no empathy from them at all. I suspect that perhaps Mark might be the child's biological father. Neither myself nor the so-called friend of mine who she married are the biological father. Paternity blood testing proved that. So it's probably Mark or it could also have been any of my neighbors or other so-called friends who is the child's father. Who knows? You can't trust anybody. In these circumstances, it seemed reasonable to ask for the help of church leaders to sort things out and to expect that anyone who didn't communicate honestly on the matter to be excommunicated. If Mark hadn't have called the police, he wouldn't have had a need to lie to them to maintain his good mormon RM image and thus, also in the process, he created the basis for a malicious prosecution. Then I wouldn't have attempted to press the issue with his Bishop in attempts to reverse the malicious prosecution. That was why I pressed the issue between Mark and his church leaders. When Mark's Bishop saw his lie using Jesus name in attempts to add credibility to the lie, and that the Bishop wouldn't even to attempt to right the injustice, I knew then that I belonged to a cult. Either we believed in the church or not. I had given my Bishop a clean confession months earlier, believing that I would probably be excommunicated as a result. Regardless of anything else, I was consistent with my beliefs. Everyone else spun every lie necessary to have sex with whoever they could and to to use yet more lies in attempts to not get caught. As soon as there was a pregnancy, everyone doubled-down on the lies. I may be open-minded but I would never have opened my potential new mate at the time up to all of those fucking creepy people and their backstabbing-hypocracy. She had never expressed an interest to me about wanting an open relationship whether in the marriage she talked about wanting, or otherwise. She turned out to be one of them, fucking creepy and nothing to offer but creepy mormon-style lies and gaslighting to get what she wanted without coming by it honestly. I would never do such a terrible thing to a friend (or to anyone else for that matter) and still can't fully comprehend why anyone would treat another human being this way, especially over a period of months.
I am not a prude. By all means, everyone who wants to have sex with any other consenting adult should be allowed to do it. But at the same time, people have a right to boundries and to be treated with respect and honesty. I would never lie to a woman about loving her, to get something else from her that I wanted. I would never sneak around with a friend's wife or girlfriend. I would not have sex with others who have a friendship or other relationship with any woman who I was intimately involved with, without her permission first. In a dating situation, I wouldn't lie about what I was looking for and disrupt the life of the other person or destroy their relationships, to take what I wanted from them and their network of people, leaving several people's lives in shambles. Even if you belong to the Mormon cult, you should be honest with church leaders. Otherwise, why even play the part? Mormons do not understand nor respect boundries. They'll even give up their church membership if necessary if they think they can get what they want from others in exchange. Because they know that the church leaders will eventually sanction whatever happens,no matter how rotten the foundation was, or who was hurt in the process. This institutional lack of integrity is why I left the church. Although I was greatly offended, that offense is not why I left. The church leaders fucking sanctioned everything I've written about here. It is okay with them. They took part in it and tried to make me think I was crazy for questioning everything that went wrong. All of this creepy sociopath behavior, that is a normal part of Mormonism. Sell your soul if necessary. Even use Jesus as a false witness to your priesthood leaders if necessary. Just don't ever admit to doing anything wrong and keep paying tithing and attending church. This is the framework. Some of us would give anything necessary to escape from it.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/29/2019 10:20AM by azsteve.