Date: January 23, 2020 03:22AM
These are good responses.
I agree that you don't need to tell them anything. Here's why. You want to leave on YOUR TERMS. The Mormon cult makes itself way more important than it should be. It assumes way more authority and control over you than it should. You can put religion in perspective, by treating it like it isn't important. It is not necessary for you to explain or make excuses, or stress about their reaction, etc.
I was faced with the exact same probem. No one knew I had resigned (and taken my children out with me), and my brother's daughter was getting married in a Mormon temple. I thought of lying, but I was tired of the cult making me live with lies.
We got an invitation in the mail for me and the kids to go to the wedding breakfast and the reception, with a separate invitation to the temple ceremony, for me. My RSVP was, "Thank you for the invitation. The kids and I are looking forward to the breakfast and the reception, but won't be going to the temple." Most people don't ask why, when you say that, but my brother did, and I said, "I let my recommend lapse." That was all. I felt bad, because my brother's wife had died recently, and he wanted me to sit in the chair next to him, where his wife would have sat. Be forewarned, that you might feel bad, but your brother chose this kind of wedding, knowing that people would be excluded. You shouldn't be expected to pay 10% of your income to sit in his wedding ceremony--no one should have to do that.
I was glad I didn't ruin the "sweet spirit" or anything. I didn't go to the temple to sit in the waiting room and be conspicuous. I didn't pose in the photographs in front of the temple, because I was not actually inside the temple, in the first place.
At the reception, family members asked me why I wasn't at the temple ceremony, and said things like, "We missed you at the wedding," or "I didn't see you at the wedding." The answer I rehearsed beforehand was: "I didn't go. Isn't this a nice reception. Doesn't the bride look beautiful," or something like that. If they got too inquisitive, I said, "This is a party--let's not talk about religion."
You have an easy out, because you are participating in another religion, right now. My son had the easiest exit of all of us, because he would just say, "I'm Luthern now." It shut people up. It also explained to others that he still believed in God and Christ and The Bible, that he still attended church, prayed, stayed within moral guidelines, obeyed the 10 Commandments and the Golden Rule, etc. It was perfect, because he didn't have to explain all of that.
I think a Mormon's temple recommend is immediately revoked, if they start going to another church. (Or, have they changed this policy, too?)
I didn't have to tell anyone but my brother and his family, because they were from out of state. My parents were deceased, and I was already divorced from my TBM husband. All my other Mormon family and friends found out through the gossip mill, within a few weeks of our resignation. Let them find out that way. They will probably say bad things about you, and even spread lies, but Mormons are going to do that, anyway, no matter who tells them you have left. You might as well make it as easy for yourself as possible.
If they ask you to be a bridesmaid, you could say you would love to, but they need to know that you won't be going inside the temple. My daughter's bridesmaids were all Mormons, but none of them were married, so they didn't go to the temple. They wore nice dresses, had bouquets, stood in the wedding reception line, just the same. Also, the groom's four brothers were under 18, but they wore tuxes, and were part of the reception, too. That's just the way temple weddings are.
Good luck, and enjoy the wedding festivities (except for that one impersonal twenty-minute preaching session you will be locked out of)). Act like it's no big deal. Maybe your brother and his bride will have a ring ceremony, or something.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/23/2020 03:40AM by forestpal.