Head Trip ALERT!!


Isn't life a lot about abstract vs. reality?

I think this is especially true about relationships, some of us heard / remember the old mantra: (paraphrase) 'Any two people (man/woman) who live the gospel can have a good marriage'.

I don't know when / who this started, but it sure seems Waaaay Dated /False / pure Ca-Ca now BUT!

With the right attitudes, willingness to compromise (NOT a strong point for Mormons!!) etc. theoretically is or can this be attainable or just not practical?

That was from Spencer Kimball, who had an emotionally (and sometimes geographically) distant marriage and may well have been a closeted gay. Advice from him, whose monstrous views of human sexuality informed The Miracle of Forgiveness, was more than worthless: it was dangerous.

Among modern Mormon prophets, I think he was one of the most destructive.

Come to think of it, pictures of SWK ping my gaydar.

To OP, the quickest way to get what you want is to stop wanting it.

I think subjective and objective reality are equally important. You have to find a balance. The world today is out of balance, but you can help bring it back into balance by bringing yourself into balance. Mormons go too far the other way. Maybe it’s good you know what that looks like.

Whether you believe that God exists or doesn’t exist, you are right. Which way are you better off? Relationships are like that. They’re a balance between the subjective and objective. Cultivate both sides and it’s good. Ignore one side and there’s gonna be trouble.

"While marriage is difficult, and discordant and frustrated marriages are common, yet real, lasting happiness is possible, and marriage can be more an exultant ecstasy than the human mind can conceive. This is within the reach of every couple, every person. 'Soul mates' are fiction and an illusion; and while every young man and young woman will seek with all diligence and prayerfulness to find a mate with whom life can be most compatible and beautiful, yet it is certain that almost any good man and any good woman can have happiness and a successful marriage if both are willing to pay the price."

https://speeches.byu.edu/talks/spencer-w-kimball/marriage-divorce/

I initially read it as,

    "WhiTe marriage is difficult,
    and discordant and frustrated
    marriages are common..."

And it made perfect sense to me.

Compromise is over rated. It's getting half of what you want if you are lucky. Although I suspect the average of what you get is more like a third to nothing as we tell ourselves we compromised when in fact we relinquished. Compromise is often a word to give dignity to the act of selling out.


I would say practice shooting at a moving target and learning to log roll are much more helpful in sustaining a relationship. Dodgeball is also a valuable skill. Poker highly recommended.

All my relationships either improved when I started singing, "I am what I am" or, they disappeared into thin air. Win/Win.

SWK The blind leading the blind. The Mormon leading the Mormons. See LW post above.

Done & Done Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Compromise is over rated. It's getting half of
> what you want if you are lucky. Although I suspect
> the average of what you get is more like a third
> to nothing as we tell ourselves we compromised
> when in fact we relinquished. Compromise is often
> a word to give dignity to the act of selling out.


Two books:

“Never Split The Difference” by Chris Voss. It’s fascinating and different than you think.

“The Givers And The Takers” by Chris Evatt and Bruce Feld. Go online and get the oldest copy of it you can find.

You might also check Horoscope.com

How are politicians ever going to make laws if they don't compromise?

435 house members, 100 in the senate.

Like I say, the book is different from what you think.

I checked the book out. Even found an in depth summary. Will be saving me from having to waterboard some people. :)

Studies show that the main characteristic of long-lasting marriages is....drum roll...commitment.

Not sexual compatibility, not money, not family support, not shared interests, not compromise, not negotiation, and love is way down on the list.

I agree/disagree, but I'm cynical of marriage.

I do think that religion should not be an issue in a marriage.

Maybe people think religion is in a marriage to teach people kindness, honesty, trust, fidelity, mutual respect, and love. Actually, Mormonism doesn't teach love or respect. Those aren't even in the temple wedding vows.

Anyway, those qualities can be learned by living in a good society, having good parents and teachers, etc. I know a lot of marriages of mixed religions, races, cultures, philosophies, and political stands that are very happy and secure.

Mormonism has nothing to do with a good marriage. I think it's conducive to a bad marriage. Both of my Mormon husbands did not respect women, to begin with. Both thought it was their right to abuse their wife. Both believed in polygamy in heaven, and the supremacy of the priesthood over women. It's a polygamist, mysogynist cult. One husband was a woman-beater, and the other husband was a compulsive cheater and liar. What would be a good "compromise" in those situations?

I couldn't "pay the price" to cling to those abusive marriages.