Back to Missouri, because Jesus is coming real soon like for sure this time. I must confess, I was led astray by Lori Vallow’s goddess thing, but Mormonism kinda leaves a guy wide open to the whole Fatal Attraction thing. I’m over that, but just in case I’m hedging my bets against the July time frame.

I’m still a little conflicted about the bungees. Should I use nylon strap-downs instead? Those loads can shift a bit when pushing these heaps up and down hills and stuff.

But anything for Jesus. Just wait, he’ll clear a path right through the Zombie Apocalypse and personally escort the saints into Independence, Missouri unceremoniously ejecting the bums currently inhabiting the place. That’s my testimony, which I leave with you in the name of cheese and crackers, amen.

Like I asked my very TBM sister back in the 70's why she had bought a covered wagon, "why can't you just drive there?" "There won't be any gasoline" she replied. "Well, then can't you hook up some horses to a car or truck and at least travel on rubber tires?" Crickets.......

Just be sure to put hand sanitizer on the handcart. Those things are filthy and nasty. I lost my virginity in one. The Pioneer’s Boner.

Best to wait for the ten tribes to arrive on their highway of ice.

My DW TBM believed that the lost tribe that would save humanity were extraterrestrials. She was big into UFOs. That kind of thinking would breathe new life into tired old Mormon tropes. It worked with Battlestar Galactica. That stuff never gets old. Rusty could declare that Mormons now believe in divine contact with extraterrestrials and Mormons would fall right in line. “Why yes, we’ve always believed that the angel Moroni was an Arcturian astronaut”.

There was a woman in an old ward we were in that was determined to push her piano back to Missouri.

That’s what Elder’s Quorum is for.

For authenticity your handcart must have faulty wheels just like the originals.