I never was confronted by this issue when I was growing up in the church ...

What is church doctrine regarding a bidet?

Are there any prohibitions regarding the use of warm water?

Obviously nothing along these lines is a consideration when living in the Celestial Kingdom, and isn’t that lovely?

But in the meantime, will ghawd be chalking up another one against me if I install a bidet?

Seriously, I know ghawd wants me to do shit the right way; I would want him to be proud!

Heathen!

We heretics are just as flammable as heathens. Or, if you prefer, inflammable.

Elderolddog that is too deep for me.

But I do sincerely hope the bidet didn't break any shelves in its installation.

I'm hoping someone here has gone through the process of getting a BR...

I have never used one...they are a bit intimidating.

To get into the deep doctrinal shit!

I follow the old European saying one man's bidet is another man's colon irrigation.

Just remember to not bidet faster than you have strength.

There's gotta be a cliche or a song here Somewhere;

if there isn't, I'll write one!

There once was an elder old dog
Who's back side was dirty as a hog
He got a bidet
To clean it away
And soon was addicted to the job

or...

He used a raspberry bidet
The kind you buy in a second hand store
Raspberry bidet
The water's warm he doesn't need much more
Raspberry bidet
I think he loves it

Wouldn’t GAs be in danger of drowning?

They are great for washing your face.

Dear Brother EOD. Thank you for this question. The brethren have asked me to field this question since I have plumbing background.

The bidet falls under the admonition by the Lord to "avoid all appearance of evil." Obviously, the prophet did not have a bidet when he was alive on the Earth, but he foresaw this day of Bidet, when the saints would be tempted. The evil Europeans use this device.

So why is the bidet displeasing to the Lord? The reason is that there are some who would turn the pressure on this device, to full blast as it were, and suddenly it becomes a tool of Satan. No man should enjoy the Bidet that much. Therein lies your answer. For addition inquiry, refer question to your local leader, Bishop Hugh Janus.

EOD-

U should sit this one out...

Might put an *end* to all that toilet-paper hoarding.

See, that's one of the reasons that this leaped up and began waving the toilet seat, as if to grab me by the attention!

Every time a bidet is installed, one less tree needs to wipe any asses!

What Would Joseph Smith do do do do?

I'm sure the GA's would find bidets stimulating, thus prohibited. I didn't even have to look it up in the D&C.

True. I'm waiting for a revelation prohibiting hand held shower heads, because, well for what you said. :-)

BE WARNED!!! Take care using a bidet. That's how we lost my grandmother. While vacationing in Paris, she noticed this strange contraption attached to the toilet in her hotel room. She had never before encountered a bidet. They never did find her body.

Was it around that time when the fire started at Notre Dame? I'm wondering if she landed there.

Maybe. Might also explain why the bell rang at an undesignated time.

on your toilet as my "husband" has one on his toilet. His last boyfriend was from the Middle East and he had installed one on his toilet and so my "husband" purchased one and installed it.

I have never used it.

I like caffeined's comment about making sure you don't confuse it with a water fountain or a sink.

Ziller was too embarrassed to ask.

I would think that ChurchCo would advise the membership to convert to ‘bidetism’ because it surely would diminish the occurrence of the dreaded skid marks on their most sacred undergarments. Cleanliness is next to...

It depends of several factors—

1. What is the temperature of the water that will be used?
2. Will you derive any pleasure accompanied by evil thoughts as you use it?
3. Will you consecrate it, and everything you have or ever will have, to the CJCOLDS for the building up of the Kingdom of God and the Establishment of Zion?
4. Will you clean it when assigned?
5. Will others of the same sex be allowed to use it?
6. Have you paid an honest tithe before you allocated funds to installed the bidet?
7. Do you have a testimony of the power of the bidet to keep you clean?

It's my understanding that the GA's really never addressed the issue of actually using a bidet. Once they saw the illustrated users manual for the device, they knew it was bad, bad, BAD.

What would Jesus do-do?

I think you mean "where."

elderolddog Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> What is church doctrine regarding a bidet?

Satan has a hold on the face of water. So don't let your fatness ride upon them.


"Wherefore, the days will come that no flesh shall be safe upon the waters."

"And, as I, the Lord, in the beginning cursed the land, even so in the last days have I blessed it, in its time, for the use of my saints, that they may partake the fatness thereof."

"And now I give unto you a commandment that what I say unto one I say unto all, that you shall forewarn your brethren concerning these waters, that they come not in journeying upon them, lest their faith fail and they are caught in snares;"

https://www.ldsliving.com/Where-the-Saying-Satan-has-Dominion-over-the-Water-Came-from-And-Why-It-s-Used-in-Connection-with-Missionaries/s/84882

God loves them. He provided Moses with one in the desert.

5 The Lord answered Moses, “Go out in front of the people. Take with you some of the elders of Israel and take in your hand the staff with which you struck the Nile, and go.

6 I will stand there before you by the rock at Horeb. Strike the rock, and water will come out of it......

Except you're in a drought-prone state, which begs the question: should you use this additional amount of water, or use TP and deplete the tree population? Oh, the dilemma!

https://www.costco.com/.product.100391056.html?&EMID=B2C_2020_0309_Home

$330, down from $500, limit 5 per member, "while supplies last."

$16.96, with free delivery!!! And I'm in total control!!


https://www.amazon.com/GenieBidet-Sprayer-stainless-precision-adjustable/dp/B07YQ9VVYV/ref=zg_bs_6810566011_37?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=B96N0MEGCPF4P909AP96

Now that's damn funny

Have U consulted with your home reachers?
Did u humbly kneel in prayer?

Remember: There's a Right and a Wrong for every question!

Do not stimulate those passions in yourself. ;)

From the Album "Spit Happens", by the Saliva Sisters

(sung to the tune of Begin the Beguine)
I Do Adore....the Bidét


When it's a ve..ry hot day
I wilt like a flower,
I sweat like a banshee
The sweltering heat..
Goes straight to my panties
I do adore....the bidét

I do I do I adore...the bidét
I can sit in the bathroom for hours,
And make no messes.
Let the damn thing rush and splash
At my recesses (my re-cess-es).
I do adore...the bidét

(two more verses, but my hearing is bad enough and enough staggered harmony that I can't unscramble it. However, one line, "when I'm alone, I plié" deserves mention. :)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/09/2020 06:57PM by Brother Of Jerry.

Are there any among you who over plié?

The problem is not the plié, it is the jeté.

(admins reaching for dictionaries :)

Without first doing a plié, and so we know that we live in an ordered world...

Hmmmm.... strangely I'm feeling some de ja vou... hmmmmm.

All over again!

Yes !!!!!! You read my mind !!!!!!

Be my GuRu !!!!!!!!