Please re-open the temples! Do you know how many billions of us are still waiting for our temple work to be done? This is discrimination— putting the health needs of the living about the needs of us waiting patiently in paradise for our saving/exalting ordinances.

We can’t tell you how many priesthood preparation courses we’ve endured, how many firesides (minus the fire) we’ve sat through, and how many berating we’ve endured because because our leaders tell us it’s because of OUR unworthiness that the temples have been shut down. If only we showed a little more faith! Oh flip, Moroni just walked in with trumpet in hand. Must I endure another performance of Praise to the Man?

Exactly, not only endured countless GC addresses, firesides, talks, ensign articles, prep courses - you name it, not only berating because of our unworthiness BUT also painting the picture of these massive long lines of spirits awaiting their ordinances. So that they can continue their journey into Godhood.

My deceased FIL said that while he was in the temple one day performing ordinances for the dead in the Celestial room, he looked up and along the back wall of the room were his deceased ancestors all standing their, with smiles on their faces, thanking him for doing their work.

Another case of a Mormon seeing with their "spiritual eyes".

Ha Ha Ha Too good!

...please state what short-wave frequencies these transmissions are on. What kind of multi-frequency radios work best? Can I use my WeatherNation channel to pick up the deceased communiques?

There’s a brownie you can only get in Colorado.

It is very urgent. Some of these spirits have only had their ordinances done 10 or 12 times.

Snort!

Waiting is Hell. Would you keep the dead from paying for their own salvation?

I thought I heard chains rattling in my basement. No wonder.

The spirit of my Great Great Great Great Great Garett Great Great Aunt Tilde showed up bearing the news that she and Uncle James have split now that they’ve spent some time together waiting for the ordinances. Apparently, James met this single sister, Berta, who was also waiting and they fell in love. James now wants a plural sealing, but Tilde now wants nothing to do with James. Berta is worried that her ancestors haven’t filed the correct paperwork as some family wanker put Berti down and this will mess things up with the temple records.

And who are they all mad at? Me! “You living wanker! This is something out of Dante we’re condemned to until this all gets figured out. But you, you left! Outer Darkness would be better than this mess—eternal horniness without a spirit boner in sight. And they call this paradise!”

I actually had a great great aunt Tilde. Really. Just do what she says. Seriously. You don't want to mess. She's tight now with Orson Rockwell.

Do you also have an Uncle Umlaut?

Well. I don't know. I take it you had both? My aunt Tilde and Aunt Gunde were in their nineties when I was a child and their husbands were long gone and I don' remember their names.

Luckily my family has plenty of geneology records (big surprise I know) so I will have to ask.

We’re possibly related! But my aunt was from the old country. She could put the evil eye on anyone. The only cure was to run around the village naked yelling, “Curse, curse, curse be damned; Tilde, Tilde, Tilde I’m bringing you a ham!” Okay, so the synopses are firing too well today...

Mine was from the old country too and hardly spoke a word of English. I keep getting the Norwegian family mixed up with the Danish side so I don't know which it was for her. Husband was Joe (called my mother). She and Gunde used to give us sugar cubes as treats. I never liked straight sugar. Yuck. The Norwegian pancakes were dynamite though. All way north in Utah mountains.

I can't get no proxy baptism,
I can't get no proxy baptism
'Cause I try and I try and
I try and I try
I can't get no, I can't get no
When I'm lying in my grave,
And an angel come to tell me so
He's tellin' me more and
More about some useless
Baptism
Supposed to cleanse my
transgressions
I can't get no. Oh, no, no,
No. Hey, hey, hey
That's what I say
I can't get no proxy baptism,
I can't get no proxy baptism
'Cause I try and I try and
I try and I try
I can't get no, I can't get no
When I'm waitin’ longingly
And an angel comes on and tell me
How white my shirts can be
But, he can't be a man 'cause
He didn’t smoke
The same cigarettes as me
I can't get no. Oh, no, no,
No. Hey, hey, hey
That's what I say
I can't get no proxy baptism,
I can't get no proxy baptism
'Cause I try and I try and
I try and I try
I can't get no, I can't get no
When I'm flyin’ round the
World, and I'm doin' this and
I'm sighin' bout that
And I'm tryin' to make some
Mormon, who tells me
You better come back
Maybe next week
'Cause you see I'm on a
Losing streak
I can't get no. Oh, no, no,
No. Hey, hey, hey
That's what I say. I can't get
No, I can't get no
I can't get no proxy baptism, no
Proxy baptism
No proxy baptism, no
Proxy baptism

This is RARE form my friend! I’ll send it to Berta when she pops in.

I temple recommend singing it for her.

That's brilliant, Elder Berry! Any chance of a "karaoke version" on Soundcloud?

Thanks for the great laugh :-D

Tom in Paris

You are welcome. No Karaoke but just printing it out should do. I should record it or better send it to Weird Alma!

https://weirdalma.bandcamp.com/

Drive in theatres

Drive in restaurants

Drive in cleaners, Drive in Funerals

Drive in Banks

Drive up groceries


can you see where this is going?

Drive up Endowments, Drive up proxy baptisms!!

Just a quick handshake through the car window with a squirt of windshield fluid!

The old codgers are scared of germy handshakes at the veil.

Well, working there and joining the clientele from working there seems like too wide a divide.