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Posted by: cricket ( )
Date: April 01, 2020 09:46AM
Second Coming Of Jesus Christ Goes Unnoticed Today

CNN - Church News Service - Adam Ondi Ahman, Missouri

Jesus H. Christ descended from Heaven this morning in all of His glory but not one soul noticed due to the "stay at home" pandemic restrictions currently being enforced by the Missouri National Guard. General Authorities of the Mormon Church missed the long-awaited event because President Nelson had them all busier than bees in preparation for General Conference this weekend.

Sadly, the Morning of the First Resurrection has been postponed indefinitely due to all flights to and from Kolob being canceled due to the pandemic.

According to Jesus's own TikTok account, He's wandering around Adam Ondi Ahman searching for the original stones from Adam's Altar and fossilized fig leaves and apple cores from that bygone era.

Stan, the most famous sibling of Jesus is reported to be vacationing on the sunny beaches of Easter Island.

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Posted by: CrispingPin ( )
Date: April 01, 2020 10:10AM
Re: Second Coming Of Jesus Christ Goes Unnoticed Today

Jesus didn’t stay at home?

He’s not settling a good example.

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Posted by: stillanon ( )
Date: April 01, 2020 01:17PM
Re: Second Coming Of Jesus Christ Goes Unnoticed Today

Jesus just left Chicago
And he's bound for New Orleans

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Posted by: Chicken N. Backpacks ( )
Date: April 01, 2020 10:17AM
Re: Second Coming Of Jesus Christ Goes Unnoticed Today

He is, however, practicing social distancing by hovering at least 6 feet in the air just beyond the veil and wearing testimony gloves.

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Posted by: Elder Berry ( )
Date: April 01, 2020 11:07AM
Re: Second Coming Of Jesus Christ Goes Unnoticed Today

Yep, the virus is God's way of covering up their meeting outside of Eden this April.

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Posted by: GNPE ( )
Date: April 01, 2020 11:37AM
Re: Second Coming Of Jesus Christ Goes Unnoticed Today

It's 'East of Eden'...

1955 movie starring James Dean, Burl Ives (how he got the name 'Burl' remains a mystery), Julie Harris & Raymond Massey); probably 'Before Your Time'...

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Posted by: dagny ( )
Date: April 01, 2020 11:42AM
Re: Second Coming Of Jesus Christ Goes Unnoticed Today

The first words Jesus heard when he arrived:
Jesus, stay 6 feet away!

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Posted by: elderolddog ( )
Date: April 01, 2020 11:57AM
or...

Jesus Christ!! Stay six feet away!!

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Posted by: GNPE ( )
Date: April 01, 2020 11:59AM
Re: Second Coming Of Jesus Christ Goes Unnoticed Today

Jesus' first words:

Um... Where's the men's room? I REALLY gotta pee!

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Posted by: Ted ( )
Date: April 01, 2020 12:15PM
Re: Second Coming Of Jesus Christ Goes Unnoticed Today

As he hovered in the air, Jesus said to the groundskeeper at Adam-Ondi-Aaman, Brother Brown, a 73-year old senior missionary from Spanish Fork,

"I am Jesus...feel these hands." Brother Brown said, "I can't because of COVID 19...I am not suppose to touch hands, but you know..ah.. I believe you...I mean you're floating in the air and stuff. You shaved though..so a goatee is now ok? Hey it's nice to meet you. I have heard a lot about you."

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Posted by: Shinehah ( )
Date: April 01, 2020 03:15PM
Re: Second Coming Of Jesus Christ Goes Unnoticed Today

Instead of "Come let us go down", Jesus looked around the lone and dreary world and said, "Come let us go back up."

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