I still buy green bananas, but I am also getting offers to join AARP.

It makes me wonder, do people put up with years of mormonism and then quit at age 50, 60, 70, or older?

As a newly minted mormon in high school, I became aware that my history teacher was a "jack mormon" and I asked him why. He explained that his grandmother was a devout mormon her entire life until she suddenly left the church at the age of 90. Apparently she told him she had not believed for years but wanted to wait until her husband passed away. This motivated my teacher to quit as well. Actually, in those days you could not quit without being exed as an apostate. I thought he must be making up the story.

Now I tend to not only believe his story but also give both him and grandma five stars for their examples.

Still, has anyone heard of similar stories?

Am I justified in my hope that loved ones with trample recommendeds may someday join me at the Starbucks when it reopens?

I do not love a mormon life of pointless hope, but I do hope their is a point to life beyond mormonism for those I love.

I can see it. Generally speaking, the older one gets, the more expendible you are to the Church. And it doesn't help that the Church's focus is on married couples with children at home. As folks age, spouses die and the kids grow up. People start to wonder why they continue to put up with the BS if they are no longer valued. The potential for leadership callings greatly diminishes for most men after 50, unless they already had them at a younger age or the ward is truly desperate.

About the only thing the Church cares about post 50 is sending senior couples on missions. But of course, you will have to pay for the privilege, sacrifice your retirement, temporarily move away in a lot of cases, all just so the Church can fill in a box for some assignment of drudgery that no normal person would tolerate under normal circumstances.

forget about your apostate children, LDS Inc wants your money

I quit when 54 after trying to prove the church correct by studying the actual history and proving the anti's wrong.

I resigned at age 30, but that’s exactly how it happened for me too. I still wasn’t married, but I’d done everything else possible for a TBM. Becoming an apologist seemed like the only thing left. It’s just dawned on that this might the perfect innocent suggestion we could make for TBM relatives?

Similar thing with me - I left at 34. I remember riding home from church with an woman who attended the same ward, and she told me about the priesthood ban, and how it bothered her that "Blacks [sic] could not have the priesthood." I knew nothing about the priesthood ban, so I decided to look it up. Learning about TSCC racist past disturbed me to no end, and what disturbed me even more was when TSCC's leaders would not own up to its racist history (per the essays).That was the root of what drove me out. Learning the truth about polygamy, and finally acknowledging the parts of the Book of Mormon that disturbed me was what completely destroyed my "shelf."

@thorn:
"I quit when 54 after trying to prove the church correct by studying the actual history and proving the anti's wrong."

==Hello thorn. I would like to talk to you via email. Is that ok?
Me: I am an never mo. I am an atheist.
I am in contact with a mormon apologist.
I will pass on some of what he writes to me and what I write to him so that you can give your perspective. We'll check things out together.
My email is vmelkon there yahoo somedot come.

~~~~iceman9090



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/09/2020 02:12PM by iceman9090.

My exit was gradual, but it started in my early 50s.

“My exit was gradual, but it started in my early 50s.”

==Hello CrispingPin. Like I told thorn just above, I would like to talk to you via email. Is that ok?
Me: I am an never mo. I am an atheist.
I am in contact with a mormon apologist.
I will pass on some of what he writes to me and what I write to him so that you can give your perspective. We'll check things out together.
My email is vmelkon there yahoo somedot come.

~~~~iceman9090

But I stopped attending when I was 47... I am now 68.

I am 62 now. I started not believing in it at age 25 when I found out my future husband is gay, but then I was too confused and broken to know what to do. We got married for many reasons, but one was to get the leaders out of our lives. We went to church, but talked a lot about what we didn't believe. After he left me, then I had other things to take care of. I thought I'd eventually go back, but the best thing you can do if you are still wondering is to step away from the church. It will eventually fall apart. One day I just realized I didn't believe it anymore. One of the best days of my life.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/08/2020 05:00PM by cl2.

I’m grateful to have gotten out at 26, before having kids. I’m in my mid 50s now and life is challenging but good.

I was around 50 when the light dawned on this load of bullshit. Guess I'm a slow learner. The very next year, I stopped believing in Santa Claus.

hee hee hee!!!

I think I started to have an extreme dislike for the mormon church when I was 4 or 5 years old and my Sunbeam teacher made me sit on her lap because I was causing a ruckus. She was mean, I was awesome, we didn't bond very well.

This dislike festered for the next 50+ years until I could exit without causing a scene. I resigned using Quit-mormon 6 years ago and have never looked back.

Where did I meet her? In a line at a bar to buy the second drink of her lifetime. It was at an exmormon conference in SLC.

Hilarious.

I would have said, "this one is on me!"

The lady was considering a glass of wine. I encouraged her to try a strawberry drink instead and she loved it. (How does one spell daquerie??)

I quit at 28 or so, resigned at 53. That was my age when I found out I could resign without being "excommunicated".

Some of the real real real old-timers here will remember Preston Bissel. He was TBM, BIC, BYU High, dad was a prof at BYU. Preston left at age 60. I knew him IRL, and he was the one who suggested I start reading here.

I quit at 60.

I also quit at 60

I QUIT on the plane ride home from my 2-year sentence outta the Country.

I RESIGNED many years later...shoulda dunn it much sooner.

I GAVE those lying geriatric SOB's at the COB more years to claim me as one of their own than I should have.

Hopefully in my next life I won't be a congenital Mormon!

Or so it seems to me...

I guess my exit started when I was 12 and supposed to become a Deacon. My dad had a talk with me and told me that I was not going to be like my two brothers. Both of them got the priesthood, but did not live it very well, and then eventually not at all. But neither ever quite the church. I took my dad's talk to heart and decided not to become a Deacon. My maternal grandma was crushed.

I still did Mutual stuff as a teen, but even quit that when the Bishop made you have to attend 5 or 6 meeting per month to participate in Basketball and anything else extracurricular.

In HS I tried to go back, but could not take all the BS and obvious falsehoods. I remember a man that would not let his daughter go on a date with me because I was not in the priesthood. Same in college, I tried once or twice, but always the same. I could not stand it.

At age 22 When I moved to San Diego to live after college, I tried to go back ONE LAST TIME, and joined the local Young Adults group. We did activities fit for 15 year olds, not 20 something young adults. So that was the last straw and I just completely dropped out.

I met a gal in SD who was raised a Catholic, but was not active either. We got married in LV, while moving to SLC for work. I was 25 then. 4 years later, our son was born and we had him baptized in Presbyterian Church. Pastor was very nice and understanding. I eventually said I wanted to be rebaptized as a Christian, and he said that first I had to resign from Mormon Church. I did so, and it was about the time that they made it an administrative process instead of excommunication. Still was a very painful process. So I officially resigned at age 33 and spiritually resigned at age 22..

When I did this, My middle brother (who became UBER TBM) told me I had committed the worst sin ever in resigning. We still do not have much of a relationship because of this.

Quit believing at 45ish. Staying in for social reasons.
It would break my 80plusish parents hearts and my disabled husband, all TBMS. 3 of my 4 sibilings are out or Mormon INO.
Only 1 TBM sister. I will resign after parents/husband pass. I've known for a long time it's all BS but my shelf got so broken w PropH8 went mostly inactive at that time.

My shelf cracked in my 20's over the ERA but I repaired it with tape and more children. It nearly broke in half in my 40's when my marriage ended to my newly out gay husband. I went inactive but sent youngest son on a mission and supported him emotionally during that time. Finally, I got the chance to move from the ward I'd been in for 27 years and resigned at age 58. So, physically out after 50 but mentally out for many years before that.

I resigned at age 59

The time period following a mission is when a lot of people quit (or become inactive). Men who don't go on missions often quit in their early 20's if they don't get married. Both men and women often quit sometime in their 20's if they don't get married.

People in high school and younger usually don't quit. They might be rebellious, but this is often a temporary phase, and they often settle down later.

People who are still in the Church at age 51 don't quit as often because they have too much invested, and because they have proven they fit the Mormon mold.

The time period following a mission is when a lot of people quit (or become inactive). Men who don't go on missions often quit in their early 20's if they don't get married. Both men and women often quit sometime in their 20's if they don't marry.

People in high school and younger usually don't quit. They might be rebellious, but this is often a temporary phase, and they often settle down later.

People who are still in the Church at age 51 don't quit as often because they have too much invested, and because they have proven they fit the Mormon mold.

I guess it's possible that you would quit at an older age but I find it counterintuitive. I think the older you get the more set in your ways you get, also you'd have more family ties in the church to keep you in. Maybe that's a big factor, the presence or lack of family ties in the church.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/09/2020 04:49AM by kathleen.

53. Children were all out of the house and I gave my TBM spouse several years of warning privately before then.

My wife is wonderful, but she is still all in.

I can avoid church involvement for months but if I ask how her primary class is going she thinks that I have finally gotten through my difficult phase.

Its not a phase...

I stayed in because I didn't think it was fair to my wife, I was TBM when we got married. She passed away when I was 54. No reason to pretend anymore.

I am sorry that your wife passed away.

I would like to think that I would cut all ties in the same situation but one if my kids is still really into it. I imagine that I will always have a connection.

My whole family is hardcore mormon, there is no escaping. But I can minimize my interactions.

@Lowpriest:
"jack mormon"

==What's a jack mormon?

~~~~iceman9090

My take -

Around here, people would be referred to as jack mormon who were inactive in the mormon church or kicked out.

The nuance is that other people were aware that they had some association with the mormon church but they were not living up to expectations in a public way.

I think it was used to discredit people who might otherwise harm the good name of the church.

I don't hear the term much any more, but it was definitely used to describe my teacher. I think all the good people wanted to warn us that he should not be taken seriously.

@Lowpriest:
"I don't hear the term much any more, but it was definitely used to describe my teacher. I think all the good people wanted to warn us that he should not be taken seriously."

==I understand. I have been in that situation as an atheist. Theists never want to agree no matter how good a point you make. They start calling my dogmatic, closed minded, scientism(?). It's their way of protecting themselves from criticism.

~~~~iceman9090

...but a bit sad. Thankfully, the 'funny' wins, over all.

When I would get bored in a long church meeting, I would read through a hymnal and mentally append the phrase "in the bathtub" to each title. It gave me moments of temporary relief...

"Come come ye saints in the bathtub" makes perfect sense. What's funny about that?

Now try it with "in the Jacuzzi."

The last 6 months before my Dad passed away (nearly 10 years ago), he just stopped attending church altogether. I didn't pester him about it, but it floored me that the bishop had decided that he was not a good candidate to have a monthly sacrament delivered through a home visiting teacher or even deacons. (My Mom vehemently disputes this and insists it was my Dad who did not want sacrament).

My Dad suffered a stroke and suffered a mental fog. He would drift in and out of consciousness. This drove the "ministering" home teacher nuts! He went down to visit him weekly (which I appreciated) but the HT only wanted to talk mormonism and church stuff. My Dad largely ignored him and the many priesthood blessings that were pronounced upon his behalf.

It is my opinion that persons who get closer to their death forgo religion and focus on people.

I joined at 17, as a teenaged convert. I didn't leave until I was 50 because no one ever disclosed things to me like the fact that they'd found the papyrus that inspired the Book of Abraham, but that it had nothing whatsoever to do with Abraham.

They'd found this artifact before I was baptized, but that was never disclosed to me. They simply presented it as scripture.

Had I known that, and many other truths that I didn't find out until I was 50, I'd have left long before that.

I am with you.

Had the Internet been available in 1982, I would have never joined.

At least that is what I want to think. My church activity was largely socially motivated. Who knows if it would have mattered to the teen aged me. I was desperate to have a peer group.

I quit mentally about age 40. I quit Church entirely age 50. Never have resigned. I am now 78. I miss the fellowship but just too many things to believe that aren't so. Consider myself atheist/agnostic/skeptic.

I think it was social for me too. The Mormon teens didn't bully me, like the kids at school did. You're right. I never would have joined in the first place, nevermind just left earlier.