Many times I feel like a victim of the mormon church with respect to the mind games, lies, manipulating, fraud, and threat to my family stability and general happiness.

Yet, I have told myself throughout my life not to consider myself to be victim with just about everything else. For some reason, maybe it is upbringing, too much talk radio, or too much self loathing, I have always felt like thinking like a victim puts me in a position of weakness. We could certainly debate whether this view makes sense.

But I do not seen to hold this view with respect to my experience with mormonism. I hate that institution. I feel like the mormon church can have its way with me whenever it wants. There seems to be no way to escape it without ruining my family. I have walked up to the edge and looked over, and that way lay destruction of the relationships that I have with so many people who I would like to keep in my life.

I would not stand down like this for anything else.

Mormonism was founded on persecution...i.e. we have the truth and that's why we're persecuted. We're so nice and good and happy so why does everyone think we're weird?

Victim mentality is a key tenet of the church

It can be difficult to drop a lot of the mental conditioning that came along with mormonism. I can see that feeling persecuted is part of that. I wouldn't say that I feel persecuted, but I certainly don't feel safe from the vestiges of mormon life. I feel like I am still vulnerable to the way that they taught me to think.

because YOU have made a choice. You want to save your family and I don't mean in the CK, but from a divorce, etc. You made a conscious choice.

My therapist told me some years go that I needed to make a decision. I'd talk about getting a divorce (my husband was long gone), but I'd never do anything about it. One day he told me to go home and think about things seriously and make a choice. My husband happened to come out to visit that night and he was being an ass. By whatever he did, I knew immediately (and I can still picture where I was and what I was doing) that I didn't have the emotional and mental energy to fight him and so I chose not to pursue a divorce.

Here I am about 20 years or more later and I'm still not divorced and it has worked out. I was poor as I didn't get child support, but it worked out in so many other ways, so I know I made the right choice. Many people thought I was stupid. Most don't think so any longer.

He and I are friends and we share the house. We both have our own boyfriends. More often than not, our lives go along pretty good.

You are right. I am making a choice.

For most things that I do, I can make a choice and take the consequences. If I become unhappy with my boss at work, I can tell him so. If we cannot work it out, I can quit.

The same thing goes for the stores where I shop. If I don't like a business, I stop going there. I can give them feedback, and if we cannot work it out, I can quit.

If I have a problem with my neighbors, I can try to work it out. If it gets bad enough, I can move if I get sick of fighting it.

In each case, I can persuade, argue, fight, mediate, litigate, and do what I think is right to whatever level it is worth to me.

Mormonism is different. It is my Achilles heel. Or rather, my family is my Achilles heel, and mormonism runs their lives.

In the minds of the mormon leaders, and in the hearts of mormon followers, there is no debate. Their leaders are always right. Their doctrine is always perfect, correct, and unquestioned. You are allowed to disagree, as long a you don't say anything and realize that you are wrong. It is total surrender.

I make a choice to stay, but the alternative to the choice that I selected is immoral to me. I am dedicated to my family, and they are in turn dedicated to mormonism. What a mess.

What is the alternative? Are you willing to have the alternative happen?

My husband and his boyfriend were trying to take my children from me. His boyfriend wanted a little family. They made my life so HORRIBLE. My kids even said when I told my niece to fight for custody if something happened to me, they said their dad didn't want them. It took YEARS to find some happy medium. One was that that boyfriend left him and who was there for him? Us. Our son stayed with him as he was suicidal. The son he had abandoned.

We still deal with issues. We just found out our son is bipolar. This has been "fun." He is in a manic phase right now and that is how they diagnosed him.

BUT even my TBM daughter thanked me for how I handled things. I decided to quit fighting and just live, take care of my kids, work my job, and put one foot in front of the other. It doesn't work to constantly be fighting. You are showing your family that you love them NO MATTER WHAT. They are worth it. My daughter is worth it. I went to the temple the day she got married a little over a year ago. It was harder than I thought it would be (I was outside). She goes to the temple with her "new family." I choose not to make an issue about it. My therapist helped me come to that place in my life.

We do what we have to. The most important thing you can do in your life is LOVE THEM. And you are. I believe in the long run it will pay off.

That is so simple!
Because it victimizes you!!!

+1 desertRat

+1 lowPriest!!

You were a victim of their abuse. You hopefully don’t have to be any more. I think that when we are forced to or choose to keep mormons in our lives it remains an extension of that abuse. If that’s your situation it might be why you’re still feeling it. Or you are getting over the trauma. It’s important to talk about it. Don’t keep yourself in that place, but you’re entitled to your feelings.

Thanks for reminding me to talk about it.

The forum and my fellow posters here are really the only way that I have to discuss this.

If it weren't for you all, I would be stuck talking to myself...

There's a feeling of being had involved. We were taught not to question or scrutinize, so we were conditioned to accept the con.

I was mad at myself for not seeing my way out earlier. I was mad that I used their own tactics to keep justifying whatever they taught.

I felt used once I finally wiggled out. I was had. I even payed them. I was a victim but I didn't know it for 40 years. There are all kinds of lessons there. All we can do is like who we are now and realize the LDS experience helped us be smarter today.

"All we can do is like who we are now and realize the LDS experience helped us be smarter today."

Agreed. I have been shaped by my interaction with the mormons. I now need to continue with the things that are good.

Thanks!

I think it's important to acknowledge what was taken from you, and taken in a deceitful and insidious manner. You are right that in most other situations, (job, school, club, community, relationships,) you could proactively walk away. But Mormonism has wrapped its tentacles around your family and has been squeezing the lifeblood out of you. You've made a tough decision, and I get that. But acknowledging the associated loss is a normal and healthy thing to do.

Lowpriest, I want you to know that I've really appreciated your posts over the years. I appreciate your POV and your wary eye on church shenanigans. I think your family is lucky to have you.

Summer,

Thanks for your kindness. It seems counterintuitive to me that I should rely upon the kindness of people who I do not know personally to help me survive the relationships of people who I do know, but here we are. I have found that members of this forum offer me more useful insight than I have received from any bishop, home teacher or acquaintance from the church. Telling, isn't it?

Yet, the church entangles itself in my life as frequently and as deeply as occasion permits. It seeks opportunities to promote dependency while preaching self reliance. It tells me that I am a son of god while constantly sending me a message that I am unworthy. It tells me to look toward heaven while telling me that I am bound for hell.

Mormonism tells me that I am flawed, sinfull, and broken. It says that I am diseased and that it is the cure... It will cure me if I do everything that it tells me to do and if I keep sending it money. How messed up is that?

LowPriest you have discovered the secret of the Mormon Church - that there is no secret.

It keeps people running on a hamster wheel over the fear of loss when in actuality it is just creating faith-based mental illness.

It is you that chooses to seek help and in regards to your family you can love them and try to help where you can but it doesn't mean you should be required to live a life of mental illness too.

The world is a great place. There are good people all over.
It might surprise you who the real heroes are.
(PS they rarely are ever mentioned over a mormon pulpit that is reserved for praising mormon leadership only)

First you have to find out WHY the Mormon church makes you feel like a victim and why you permit that organization to "have its way with you anyway it wants". Why do you submit to the Mormon Church authority?

Does it have authority or power over you? Or do you give them that power?

Are you describing the impact the LDS church has had on your life as victimization? Does your church involvement play a part in your current relationships?

Ask yourself. What do I have control of in this? What do I have no choice over? What do I keep? What do I need to let go? Where do I compromise too much? Do I have healthy boundaries?

Mormonism is founded on fraud, but also one of your most basic emotions. FEAR. Mormonism conditions you to fear what it would be like WITHOUT THEM. Without their "gifts" and influence. Without love, without eternity, without celestial marriage and dealings...it preys on your fear of being alone.

If you were without that fear..what would life look like?

RMM

Well said RMM or shall I say well-recovered?

Yes mormonism is a religion that knows no boundaries past telling adults what underwear to wear for the day.

Think about it what aspect of your life is even too sacred for the mormon church to infringe upon?

Your time?

Missionaries, ministering teachers even the Bishop doesn't respect your time either by dropping by unannounced or telling you he needs to meet with you without giving any details of the meeting. Don't forget people calling you last minute to help some lazy person who has not boxed a thing move or to put away someone else's chair or clean someone else's urine off the bathroom floor.

The raising of your kids? lol.

Your sex life?

Finally serious pushback made some bishops stop digging into how married couples had sex with their own spouse but it still doesn't stop many from telling them when to have kids etc.

Your finances?

Ministering teachers whole purpose is to come to your home to make assessments to take to the Bishop.

Your self worth or how you should be using your time?

They convince you are nothing without the mormon church and its priorities are higher than your own. Temple work, temple work, temple work which gets names wrong and have to be done again and is now shut down due to virus. Mormon God is very powerful and practical too. Also How many thousands of countless hours of worry and food storage prep where put in since the 70's for a years worth and now we are told 3 mos worth but no indication of when a virus will hit.

Seriously, what God is the author of all this confusion?

Now ask yourself if you had done nothing at all with the mormon church you would be in the same situation everyone is with this virus. There is no mormon advantage that anyone non mormon can cite as well.

So finally ask yourself is it all worth it?

I was a victim. I was only twelve when I converted and they abused my child's trust in adults and authority figures not to mention religious representatives pretending to know something I did not know. They victimized my meager wallet in the days I could not afford 10% reduced income.

I come to RfM to help others, to learn their latest abuse methods, and cheer for those who are trying to leave and trying to save their precious relationships with friends and family while removing themselves from their abusers.

I have moved out of victimization into freedom fighter. If you don't recognize you were victimized you may have trouble moving out and onward. That doesn't mean you remain a victim. My2cents.

Pooped said, "That doesn't mean you remain a victim."

Good point.

Having been a victim does not mean I cannot move on with life.

Thanks!