I just feel like r̶a̶n̶t̶i̶n̶g̶ venting a little...

When I was 21 my all-knowing 18 year old judgmental convert brother called me a "moocher" because my mom helped me with tuition at the local junior college. I worked full time, and otherwise paid my own way in life, but it was a difficult economy and I had made the mistake of getting married way too early like so many young church kids, and was hustling to try to make ends meet.

My mom wanted me to continue to go to school, and offered to pay for classes if I would. I took her up on the offer, and it paid off: a couple years later I finished a BS in CS, and then later a masters and an MBA while I continued working. Basically, she primed the pump. She paid for 3 part-time semesters at the local junior college (while I filled in some holes in my transcript and got ready to transfer to a four year college) and I managed to get some traction and pay for the rest.

She believed in me, and invested in me. My Mormon brother repeatedly called this "mooching." Never to my face, of course, but complaining to my mom. I was on the phone with her one day, and heard him in the background asking "is that the moocher?" Later she told me that his girlfriend's church had him wound up about all sorts of things. When I confronted him about the "mooching" comment, he wouldn't say it, but responded "well, what would you call it?"

To put it in context, his own TBM girlfriend, who was a year ahead of him and had already graduated from high school, was also attending the local college, but not working and living at home. Her poor mom was working THREE jobs. Both single-moms were doing all they could for their kids, as most any would, but I was "mooching" while his girlfriend, who was obviously hitting the family resources much harder than I was, was apparently ok.

To put it further into context, he and his girlfriend were also badgering my mom about my girlfriend being a "slut" because we lived together, and even getting married apparently hadn't "corrected" this "issue," but later we learned that in the same period of time he was sneaking over to her house most nights, and coming home only to shower and go the "ROTC drill team" at 6am everyday. I quote "drill team" because it was a lie. He was actually going to seminary every morning. So, my wife was a "slut" because we were open and honest, but his flirt-to-convert girlfriend was not, because they had the "integrity" to hide what they were doing, not to mention lie about his church activity.

Fast forward 12 months--because naturally they married as soon as he graduated--he just moo̶c̶h̶ved in to her mom's house. And my mom paid his tuition at the local junior college. But, hey, that's not mooching. And neither is coming home to stay over the summers and holidays after you transfer to the four year school, right?

Actually, yeah, none of that constitutes "mooching" in my opinion. Families doing the best that they can for their kids is a good thing. But the notion that someone is all grown up and should fend for themselves was only applied to me. And the notion that certain behavior makes a woman a "slut" was only applied to my girlfriend/wife. By my twerpy, self-important, lying, punk little brother. And his bitchy judgemental girlfriend.


So, why is this on my mind all these years later? My 24 year old niece, who'd been at YBU until she went on a mission, from which she returned just before Covid struck, just announced that s̶h̶e̶'̶s̶ ̶s̶t̶i̶l̶l̶ ̶m̶o̶o̶c̶h̶i̶n̶g̶ she's returning to YBU next semester to "finish up." For her sake, I'm glad that my idiot brother's opinions on m̶o̶o̶c̶h̶i̶n̶g̶ supporting kids in school have changed, and I'm glad he's got the resources to do so, but I wish she was going somewhere other than YBU.

We've been plagued by MORmONness off and on ever since. Well, it's actually been kinda quiet for the last few years, because it all came to a head and they've been shunning us since then. But his senior year of high school was the point in time when all the haughtiness, hypocrisy and lying all began. And they're both still judgmental liars.

I realize that TSCC doesn't hold a monopoly on hypocrisy, and doling out the lifelong hurts and insults, but they sure know how to do it.

Anyway, if you made it this far, thanks for "listening."

You have a good mother.

Agree. Sorry about your brother and his wife. In this case, their shunning of you sounds like a blessing.

Thanks. Yes, the shunning is actually a blessing. I’d rather be left alone than badgered all the time.

Lot's Wife Wrote:
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> You have a good mother.


Thanks, LW. Yes, I do. Or I should say did, because she passed away many years ago. But she was a good mother.

I'm sorry, my friend, that your mother passed away.

But your affection and respect say a lot about her. I suspect you were one of those few who had a truly great parent. Your kids probably benefited from her too, both directly and indirectly through her influence over you.

You didn't say a lot about her but that is the impression conveyed by your words. For what it's worth.

"The lyrics held my interest but it was hard to dance to, Mr. Clark. I give it a 77.”


Some TBMs only get approbation by heaping it upon themselves.

Plus a guaranteed way to appear taller is to cut off everyone else's legs.

Indeed. Some people need to tear others down to feel better themselves. Sad but true.

GBS, let it go, don't let your brother direct your life.

Be there for your mother, if not now, but soon she'll need your help. You'll be paying back in a small way all she's done for you.

What ever your brother says or does is just his immaturity and jealousy and isn't worth worrying about it.

I'm sure your mother knows the facts, what she thinks and believes is more important.

Besides she is teaching you values and skills that will help you raise your kids to be solid upright people that will bring them honor and success and will be a source of great pride to you and your wife.

PAX

I don’t usually dwell on this stuff. Just felt like venting a bit after seeing his daughter’s comment.

for both of my sons' undergraduate education. In today's world I viewed it as a parental obligation. Never once viewed them as moochers.

Couldn't agree more.

I paid my kids to mooch!

'Tip of the morning to you, EOD!

I KNEW I recognized you!

sd Wrote:
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> for both of my sons' undergraduate education. In
> today's world I viewed it as a parental
> obligation. Never once viewed them as moochers.


I’m putting both my kids through school. One just finished a masters degree this past May, and the other is a senior this year.

Thanks for all the kind words everyone!

I have siblings who think I am/was the moocher of my family, but my TBM did her best to support/love all her children and even those who left.

My older siblings left the church and it created problems (but none were kicked out of the house.)

At 15 or 16, I told my Mom that I would not be attending church any more. It was not well received. She dragged me by the ear (literally, she pinched and slapped me even as a teenager). She took me to nearest laundromat. She said that I would be dropped off once a week on Saturday to launder my own clothes. She then took me to the supermarket and flashed a twenty. That was to buy bread and pb-j for the week. She then drove me home and dug out the lantern and bug repellant. I was told that I could only sleep in the house between 10pm and 7am. If there was inclement weather that I could take refuge in the garage. I was not welcomed to have a disbelief in the church.

So I apologized and stayed active in the church to please my Mom (and I got to live, study and eat in the house). I tried very hard to fit-in with the church. I went on a mission, not because I truly believed, but because my Mom wanted to be respected by the other bitchy sisters in the ward. I attended institute and tried my best to be friendly with other college aged members and was snubbed.

So back to my older siblings who feel that I have mooched off my Mom. They truly believe that the church really LOVES and APPRECIATES its members. They perceive that a church mission was very cushy and a lovely experience. And to top it off, one of them is furious with me for leaving the church. Yes, he/she is angry that I left and broke my Mom's heart.

I’m sorry to hear all that, Messygoop. Family can be pretty horrible. (Mine is pretty toxic too)