https://thirdhour.org/blog/life/humor/mormon-paintings/

Whats up with MORmON homoerotic "art"?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/15/2020 02:15PM by schrodingerscat.

It's the church of the body builders.

I like the helmets in #5. Both favor the Roman style, but Moroni goes fashion-forward a thousand years to add massive Viking horns.

And let's not forget Abinadi, who looks like he just won the 65-and-over National Crossfit Championship:

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/media/image/abinadi-before-king-noah-bc303dd?lang=eng&collectionId=5144446e45c8967f25ba19fd52392443aa300449

But one of my favorite details is in the church's standard Samuel the Lamanite illustration.

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/media/image/samuel-the-lamanite-fd6fed4?lang=eng&collectionId=5144446e45c8967f25ba19fd52392443aa300449

You'll notice in the center, as the soldiers are climbing the steps to get Samuel, the modern OSHA-approved metal safety rail preventing anyone from falling off.

"I think it moved"
--George Costanza

Too bad Joe Smith & company didn't write more women into the story. Would have been fun to see super models of ancient America.

The women are pretty good lookin in a Maxfield Parrish kinda way, clingy wet outfits.

http://www.freeenglishsite.com/LDS/other/bm_alma.htm

Looking at that picture reminded me of a song no one has written yet:

"Steel swords and wooden staffs"

...with no bar chords, okay?

elderolddog Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Looking at that picture reminded me of a song no
> one has written yet:
>
> "Steel swords and wooden staffs"
>
> ...with no bar chords, okay?


Steel swords, steel swords ... & wood - den staffs!

(Tune: "Big Bad John" written by Roy Acuff and Jimmy Dean)

Blonde Lamanites! And ALL of those guys hit the gym at least three days a week.

They must have been VERY RIGHTEOUS.

Where's the one of Joey sitting at a table with the plates dictating the translation sans rock-in-hat to his scribe?

That was that Frieberg guy, and his off-putting paintings of men's bodies.

Lugging gold plates around builds muscle.

And all the "horses" they ate...prepare the horses for the chariot as in preparing chicken for a backpack....gave them lots of protein.

Because what's the point of making propaganda about your religion if the subjects don't look like their names were "SLAB BULKHEAD" "BUTCH DEADLIFT" "BIG McLARGEHUGE" "SLAB SQUATHRUST" "BOB JOHNSON. . .oh wait."



If you don't get these references, go watch the Mystery Science Theater 3000 episode "Space Mutiny."

A large number of those paintings were done by Arnold Friberg who did the heroic paintings for Cecil B.Demille's movies. He was a member of the elder's quorum I was once in.
I barely met him but I admire his paintings

"Those Nephites were hunks!"

"The guys who wiped the mats with all those Nephite carcasses must have really been truly awesome", said ElderOlddog while flexing for in front of the medicine cabinet mirror.

As a young gay mormon, I really enjoyed Friberg's paintings, especially the family on the boat. The young man (Sam?) looked a lot like an older boy I had a crush on in the ward.

build strong muscles. Couple that with the dark meat from a curelom and you be strutting like Ahhhnold!

that Friberg was commissioned by Church leaders to produce depictions of scenes from early Church history as well. However, these paintings have all been hidden away in the Church vault, purportedly for turning any young men who looked at Joseph Smith's swollen pectorals and Wilford Woodruff's bulging arms instantly gay.

Spencer Kimball finally had the paintings scrubbed from all Church materials, and kept the originals in an undisclosed location for, um, "personal" viewing until turning them over to the archives department in 1976.

Nicely done.

Because they are manly men!

They're not!

They just follow the word of wisdom.

bECAUSE THE CHURCH WILL MAKE YOU STRONG!

Kinda like how cigarette ad's make smokers look cool.

I always thought the pictures within the BoM didn't help it, only made it look more like fiction. That's what I thought as a member and I usually didn't pick up giant pictures from the library as a primary teacher.

Maybe the artist was a closeted Gay and painted what he was longing for?

Million dollar question is did they all receive their endowment.

As an artist, before I was Mormon and while I was Mormon, I always compared the Arnold Freiberg paintings of Book of MORmON heroes to Michealangelo's renderings. Anatomically they were amazing.