(Just kidding about the Nissan Frontier. What does that even mean?)

Not many of us wake up in the morning to begin reflecting on our current mortality as a part of our overall immortal existence. And certainly, at least in my mind, no one ever achieves a feeling of omnipotence, absent enthusiastic drug-use.

But omniscience… yeah, sometimes I’ve felt that I had a good grasp on what was going on in my world. (I didn't, but I forgive me.)

Way old mormons, often referred to as Elderly, unless they're high priests, grew up during a time when pondering the Mysteries was allowed, if not encouraged. We knew shizz, man! Serious Shizz!!

We had a lock on the 'Where did we come from', 'Why are we here' and 'Where are we going' issues that back then you could earn a merit badge in!

We knew why The Negro and the Lamanite were cursed, and racially equality was okay as a concept but useless as an eternal principle. Blacks had screwed themselves by sitting on fences and Lamanites could do something about it, if they would just make the effort!!!

But everyone was going to live forever, in the state of being they’d earned. (Yeah, we didn’t know about the 2nd Annoying back then, the Get to ghawdhood guarantee...)

But this is about the latter two concepts, omnipotence, and omniscience. Where immortality was automatic, the other two were earned. You’d have to be worthy and then learn how to take upon yourself these attributes. Sure, no problem!

But I never heard it brought up: What happens then? What would it be like to know EVERYTHING and have the power to do ANYTHING, except make a rock so big you couldn’t lift it, without going to the gym a lot to work out. My favorite was, could ghawd make a chile so hot he couldn’t eat it?

Here’s the point I wish to make because not only is it interesting, as a concept, but I think it’s worth a laugh and so I’m all in: How do Done&Done and I have a conversation, once we’ve ascended to ghawdhood?

D&D: Hey, EOD, how you doing, buddy? Never mind, I already know, cuz I know everything.

EOD: I knew you were going to say that… <reaching out to ruffle D&D’s magnificent pompadour hair do>

D&D: <flinching away from my reach> I knew you were going to do that…

EOD: Wanna go …

D&D: No. But we could

EOD: Nah…

D&D: Okay, then see you…

EOD: Yeah, in exactly five days, two hours, 17 seconds, and a few micro-seconds, at Lott’s place, where Lott’s Wife will once again attempt to stick a wet fingertip in your ear. What is it with that lady?

D&D: We both know what’s with that lady; how could we not? We’re ghawds...but you knew that, you rhetorical freak.

EOD: It helps pass the time. Oye, the time! I’m late!

D&D: No, you’re not ya big baby! Ghawds can't be late!

EOD: ...takes one to know one!


...In Kolobian time, the above conversation took place before it even happened, which is common in that realm. You have to be there to believe it.


See my point? A ghawd is eternal, has all possible power(s), and knows everything(s) that has happened(s), is happening(s), or will ever happen(s)! How(s) is that(s) an attraction(s)!!??!!(s)

Is this the Ultimate equality?

Other than a heavenly version of the armed forces ‘time in grade’, where the date of your commissioning to grade determines who among equals will command, what’s the point?

And if that were the situation, I’d just fuckin’ lie, especially if getting served dinner first were the prize. Not that ghawds can lie...wait, I thought they could do anything?

"Not that ghawds can lie...wait, I thought they could do anything?

That, right there, deserves the Phewlitzer Prize.


Omniscience is the new Hell?

I can't even imagine the devastating loss that Omniscience would bring. Rest in peace searching. Rest in peace wondering. Rest in peace fantasizing.

What is a life without our dear friend Serendipity.

No surprise party for you, God!


As suspected, the Terrestial Kingdom is going to be "where it's at!" Turns out Ignorance really is bliss.

Kolob has some serious weed to combat that exact problem. When you really want to forget, ask Jesus for the good stuff.

Hey Jesus I smoked all your weed. By the way . . . you're out of Pringles.

"Way old mormons, often referred to as Elderly, unless they're high priests, grew up during a time when pondering the Mysteries was allowed, if not encouraged. We knew shizz, man! Serious Shizz!!"

You obviously have never met one of "the twelve" or their first precedency.

> You obviously have never met
> one of "the twelve" or their
> first precedency.


You've left me perplexed! I've 'met' a couple of 'the twelve' ...

But what of your use of 'precedency'? Is that a code that escaped me or just typo? I gotz ta know!!


And thank you for allowing me to retell my story of flipping the bird to Joseph Fielding Smith, the first week in June of 1965, in the old Mission Home in Salt Lake City, where all the choicest missionaries spent the first week of their missions.

David O. McKay was out of town, so the top draw that week was Brother Cranky Pants, Joseph Fielding Smith. I was six rows back from his informal classroom pulpit when he asked a question with the requirement that we respond with a show of hands.

I threw up my left arm (the sinister one!) and its fingers automatically flexed into a well-known (to me) position, The Bird. Quelle horreur!!

Both he and I lived through the ordeal. My companion never even knew! But if he didn't see it then, now he knows. But his only revenge, so far, has been to deepen my tan. Every summer, without fail, he strikes again!

elderolddog Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> You've left me perplexed! I've 'met' a couple of
> 'the twelve' ...

"Way old Mormons" they be. And many older Mormons I know have thrown off their mysteries for more pressing needs like people to provide them food. My father was all into the Mormon mysteries and now he is into Cowboy Westerns from the 1950s and what time one of his many children is coming to bring him food.

> But what of your use of 'precedency'? Is that a
> code that escaped me or just typo? I gotz ta
> know!!

As for these "Way old Mormons" precedency trumps mysteries every time. They are as dull I think (don't know) as a unused seer stone.

The gospel of eternal progression... man is what god once was, etc... holds a certain appeal if it's not examined too closely. I've always felt the most satisfaction when making progress in some way or another.

But eternal progression contradicts the omnipotence and omniscience expected from the godly, except when you ask an old high priest. They'll let you know, for sure, that the concept of eternal progression shifts from self-perfectionization to populating worlds without end. The conclusion we reach is that the closest we mortals get to godhood is apparently during sex!

> The conclusion we reach is
> that the closest we mortals
> get to godhood is apparently
> during sex!


You'll get no argument from me!

Can you say Exaltation?

D&D may be in jeopardy but no self-respecting 9-year-old is going anywhere near your Ross Perots lest her finger get stuck in that rat's nest of ear hair.

You'd think a deity would pay a bit more attention to personal hygiene. . .