Recovery Board
: RfM
Recovery from Mormonism (RfM) discussion forum.
“Dad, I had my name removed already. I did it because I’m tired of my life-long neighbors and family friends thinking they have some kind of authority and responsibility over me and wanting to be up my business for it.
Also, again? I guess it’s not going to affect things nearly as much as it did last time cuz we’re all adults and living on our own now, but you can say no. You’re allowed to say no. You’ve had some calling or another that’s always kept you away from home for all the time you could have been home since I was seven.
I support you doing what you feel is right. But dad, I love you and I miss you. I hate how complex the church has made our lives, and I’m not going to another meeting ever again.”
He replied, “Hey buddy thanks for sharing your feelings ... I love you.
I hope you come over and break bread with us right now we’ve got some good food”
What’s my next move here, because I started some shit and now I have to finish it or it’s just going to be another thing that moves up the Mormon grapevine and all the Karens in my life are gonna say things “oh, did you hear how CD reacted to his dad’s calling? The light has left his eyes. I guess he felt the spirit and had a satanic reaction to it.”
I’m tired of it. I’m not an outsider. I’m an insider who had his name removed but never fell very far away from the tree since everyone sees me at dinner at the time. I’m tired of everybody not know how to handle me. They usually just cut contact with an apostate, but my father hasn’t done that because he’s a good man. I want him out. I don’t wanna watch another bishopric calling drive him into the ground as he starts his seventh decade in this earth. He’s given enough and in some ways he’s left me holding the baggage, as well as my mother and all of my brothers. His first calling as a bishop was timed right as I was starting high school and younger brothers were moving into jr. high. He just blinked out of existence during all the evenings he could have been with us, and my mom never knew jack shit about what it’s like to have a dick and a pair of balls but she had to try to raise us through this critical time of our lives almost like she was a single mother. We all became dependent on video games just to try and escape being around her, and it was a blessing when she wasn’t home because we felt something akin to peace and quiet. Idk how the other toe brothers who stayed TBM coped to this era or reacted in the years after it, but chief and I have talked about it at length.
Chief had the blessing of never giving a shit about the gospel and never really letting it bother him. I was the opposite. I’m the oldest. I’ve known dad the longest. To the extent that any of us had a relationship with him, I had the best one, and it was so complicated. He was so distant. I thought it was anger at all my imperfections. No, he was just exhausted. I found out later his thyroid and some other organs were starting to fail from all the stress he was going through. I don’t wanna see him do this again. The church is going to kill my dad before he’s seventy and I’m never going to reconcile with him and I don’t believe there’s another life where we’ll get another chance.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/21/2021 04:54PM by Cold-Dodger.
Also, again? I guess it’s not going to affect things nearly as much as it did last time cuz we’re all adults and living on our own now, but you can say no. You’re allowed to say no. You’ve had some calling or another that’s always kept you away from home for all the time you could have been home since I was seven.
I support you doing what you feel is right. But dad, I love you and I miss you. I hate how complex the church has made our lives, and I’m not going to another meeting ever again.”
He replied, “Hey buddy thanks for sharing your feelings ... I love you.
I hope you come over and break bread with us right now we’ve got some good food”
What’s my next move here, because I started some shit and now I have to finish it or it’s just going to be another thing that moves up the Mormon grapevine and all the Karens in my life are gonna say things “oh, did you hear how CD reacted to his dad’s calling? The light has left his eyes. I guess he felt the spirit and had a satanic reaction to it.”
I’m tired of it. I’m not an outsider. I’m an insider who had his name removed but never fell very far away from the tree since everyone sees me at dinner at the time. I’m tired of everybody not know how to handle me. They usually just cut contact with an apostate, but my father hasn’t done that because he’s a good man. I want him out. I don’t wanna watch another bishopric calling drive him into the ground as he starts his seventh decade in this earth. He’s given enough and in some ways he’s left me holding the baggage, as well as my mother and all of my brothers. His first calling as a bishop was timed right as I was starting high school and younger brothers were moving into jr. high. He just blinked out of existence during all the evenings he could have been with us, and my mom never knew jack shit about what it’s like to have a dick and a pair of balls but she had to try to raise us through this critical time of our lives almost like she was a single mother. We all became dependent on video games just to try and escape being around her, and it was a blessing when she wasn’t home because we felt something akin to peace and quiet. Idk how the other toe brothers who stayed TBM coped to this era or reacted in the years after it, but chief and I have talked about it at length.
Chief had the blessing of never giving a shit about the gospel and never really letting it bother him. I was the opposite. I’m the oldest. I’ve known dad the longest. To the extent that any of us had a relationship with him, I had the best one, and it was so complicated. He was so distant. I thought it was anger at all my imperfections. No, he was just exhausted. I found out later his thyroid and some other organs were starting to fail from all the stress he was going through. I don’t wanna see him do this again. The church is going to kill my dad before he’s seventy and I’m never going to reconcile with him and I don’t believe there’s another life where we’ll get another chance.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/21/2021 04:54PM by Cold-Dodger.
Some context: his original text explained who mine snd chief’s “new bishop” is going to be, like dad thinks of us as just YSA aged kids that are going to snap out of it any minute now and come back.
if he can get me to come back.
Wouldn’t it be some on-the-nose nepotism if I was rebaptised with all my blessing restored in a record amount of time? Lol. But also no, never again.
Wouldn’t it be some on-the-nose nepotism if I was rebaptised with all my blessing restored in a record amount of time? Lol. But also no, never again.
Keep it simple. Dad, NO discussion of Religion or Politics. None at all. If it comes up I leave. No questions and no response. I would rather not do that so for both our sake keep those topics off the table.
It really is that simple and has worked for many for a long time.
If he or they can't do it you don't visit or don't visit while those who won't do it are there.
It really is that simple and has worked for many for a long time.
If he or they can't do it you don't visit or don't visit while those who won't do it are there.
What do you do? You go eat with them, and love them. Your family is far more important than any particular religion.
Parents are going to believe what parents are going to believe, and it can be difficult to impossible to shake them from those beliefs. So don't let the beliefs come between you. Your father may not see it until close to the end when he sees that he gave the church too much of his time, and his family too little. Love him anyway.
And as for others, they are going to think what they are going to think. Don't let their opinions of you bother you. Their opinions are of no consequence. Don't let them disturb your peace.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/21/2021 06:15PM by summer.
Parents are going to believe what parents are going to believe, and it can be difficult to impossible to shake them from those beliefs. So don't let the beliefs come between you. Your father may not see it until close to the end when he sees that he gave the church too much of his time, and his family too little. Love him anyway.
And as for others, they are going to think what they are going to think. Don't let their opinions of you bother you. Their opinions are of no consequence. Don't let them disturb your peace.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/21/2021 06:15PM by summer.
Yes, what Summer said !
'You can say no!'
When my son was about twelve, his best friend's dad was called to be the bishop. When the dad told me, I responded with 'I hope you said no." He looked at me like I had grown a third eye. Mormons never say no to a calling - it's saying no to gawd.
Of course, he didn't say no and spent untold hours away from home at church - on top of a full-time job with an hour commute each way.
While he was busy being father of the ward, his family fell apart. His wife descended into a deep depression and became one of the Utah stats for prescription anti-depressants. The oldest daughter had a baby while still in HS and the next two sons became the neighborhood drug dealers. My son's friend spent most of his time at our house because it was safe and he could count on a meal.
It was sad to watch. Mormons are so proud of their unpaid clergy but it comes at a high price to families.
When my son was about twelve, his best friend's dad was called to be the bishop. When the dad told me, I responded with 'I hope you said no." He looked at me like I had grown a third eye. Mormons never say no to a calling - it's saying no to gawd.
Of course, he didn't say no and spent untold hours away from home at church - on top of a full-time job with an hour commute each way.
While he was busy being father of the ward, his family fell apart. His wife descended into a deep depression and became one of the Utah stats for prescription anti-depressants. The oldest daughter had a baby while still in HS and the next two sons became the neighborhood drug dealers. My son's friend spent most of his time at our house because it was safe and he could count on a meal.
It was sad to watch. Mormons are so proud of their unpaid clergy but it comes at a high price to families.