There is this guy, a relative, 50 years old, the last two years he has changed in a negative way. What stands out is that his moral capacity has gone backwards. He is going against value systems that adults normally share and he do not seem to understand that it is wrong to do that. There is a possibility that he thinks he has the right to do that at his age but what I react to is that he do not seem to understand the consequences. That people will react and say stop. He just do not get it. I have personally take part in habilitation and pondered on theory of mind issues but this guy has become mute to moral behaviour.

At his age, 50, I suspect it can be some dementia issue going on because this guy is to smart to do these kind of things.

Ever seen Frontotemporal dementia? What do you think?

I had Frodotemporal dementia when I first discovered The Hobbit, etc.

It felt good, since I was at the Y then.

Something similar happened to someone who was once a social friend. (He died unnaturally young, leaving behind his wife and children.)

Although it is probable that no one can specifically diagnose the "might be's" prior to death, if I were in your place I would likely feel the same.

As was true in the case of the person I once knew, the specific cause may not be identifiable until a post-mortem analysis occurs. In the case I cite, his widow would not give permission for a post-mortem analysis, so to this day no one knows what he actually died of.

When he started to demand me doing things that are not my business I felt it was the time to move on. But if there is an explanation it would be a better way to make some things work again. If it is a personality disorder then it is what it is. He reminds be a bit of his dad. Not a very kind or constructive person. They are smart people, good careers but seem to lack empathy. But my relative is to smart to burn relationships and to smart to send broken record phrases. A clinical psychologist wrote that it can be a control tactic to repeat because they look for people that enmesh socially. People that discard their own free will and do as the controller says.

But adults know to much to be controlled. Maybe he reached a zenit and his best socially controlling days are behind him?

Cauda, are his behaviors directed at you ?

If so, can you distance yourself ?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/25/2021 03:51PM by kathleen.

He contacts me from time to time. He hesitates to call. He sends few word messages out of the blue. Broken record type phrases. Like he has decided that his will is the law. When I did not respond he ”exploded” and contacted a family member of mine and told her that I should do some business things for him. Things that are not my business on a legal level. I am not part of it. My family member told me to do it for her. ”Please, please.. do it for me”.

Read a text about communication philosophy/theory and he have a increasing habit of ”disqualifying” other peoples perspective and follow up with sequences that are not suitable and do not take other peoples perspective into account. He push his agenda until relationships breaks. Glassers Choice theory describes it as that control destroys individuals contentment in a relationship. Such things happens in life but this happens in more and more of his relationships and it stands out that he is stupid and do not understand what he is doing. He just do the same thing over and over and over again. It could be midlife crisis that Elder Barry describe it. Things happened. But this implosiom is so weird it is like IQ/EQ just went out of the window.

That would be a common age for the onset.


https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/conditions-and-diseases/dementia/frontotemporal-dementia

"These disorders are among the most common dementias that strike at younger ages. Symptoms typically start between the ages of 40 and 65, but FTD can strike young adults and those who are older. FTD affects men and women equally."

At 50, he may not quite be eligible. Perhaps they can refer you to an appropriate agency. Connect with his family, if they're available and open. Depending on your relationship and proximity, you might also get acquainted with his letter carrier, meals-on-wheels driver, landscape contractor, things like that--people who are in a position to observe his behavior.

If you live in a city with a large police department, see if there's a Community Affairs section or Elder Affairs officer(s). Introduce yourself, see what they have to offer. A good Community
Services Officer has a large address book.

You want to balance between being a "karen" and bringing him to the attention of appropriate parties.

He told me that it is up to me. Not him.

He just repeat and experience failure.

It is up to everybody else.

I will not help him but I hope that his family will help him if he will suffer from dementia.

Cauda Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> There is a
> possibility that he thinks he has the right to do
> that at his age but what I react to is that he do
> not seem to understand the consequences.

There is the possibility that this is a mid-life crisis. Diagnosing an adult based upon your moral sensitivities seems a wrong choice to me.

We have no idea what you think is wrong in his behavior. And people should be allowed to change no matter their age. Wanting someone to get a brain scan because they changed is drastic. If their behaviors warrant it and finding out there is nothing wrong with their brain is very frustrating. I know, my father had brain lesions before he died but they never found dementia or Alzheimer's. Just natural aging changed him.

He dissociate and berates/upbraids people at social occasions like he is taking a dump at the kitchen table. He ”disqualiy” adults and walks around afterwards like it did not happened. Sends broken records phrases instead of ”repenting” and never say he is sorry. Read it is a syntonic way, he just do what he does because it is everybody else fault, always.

...which is the way we now describe Asperger's.

Had a period of experienced ”self-sufficient” grandiosity when I was younger. Life humbled me.

Vanity and avarice are twin afflictions of the aging mind.

Yes, it could possibly be dementia. Does he have a wife, children, or siblings that you could talk to about this?

His kids moved out and away to another city. They keep contact from time to time. But I suspect there is friction. Lost contact with them but know they get together at occasions.

Another perspective.

He was headhunted by a old large global company (a foundation) some years ago and travelled to another country regularly to participate in Executive Business Education programs held in a ”closed” environment. He is an atheist but have a knack for New Thought Philoshopy. He lost money in a pyramid schemes about fifteen years ago. He knows smart, successful, but ”stupid” people that take ”dumps on dinner tables”. Big headed rich people that fail in life but always restart because they are very good pushing themselves forward.

My doctrinial outlook messes up my mind a bit because I measure him out of my religious perspective. It is a possibility that he is brain washed. He can also be a smart psychopath lacking cause and effect thinking.

Smart psychopath lacking cause and effect thinking = focused and task oriented problem solver missing the development in the periphery until it is to late.

Knew a man, a friend of one of my parents, who committed large Value-Added Tax frauds against the state during the 1990s until he got caught and ended up in prison. The only explanation he had was that he was caught up in greed. He found a way that worked, lost the periphery, and he overdid it.

I wouldn't waste too much time trying to figure out what is wrong with him. I would leave that to professionals. The most important thing for you to do with him is to hold your ground. Don't let him push you to do anything that is illegal or that doesn't sound right or comfortable to you. It's perfectly okay to say, "I won't be doing that. You will need to find someone else." Say that two or three times (this is known as the "broken record" technique,) and then feel free to ignore him. Not every request or demand deserves a response.

Maybe the most effective way to talk to his children is to tell them that you've noticed some changes in his behavior, and to ask them if they have any concerns about that.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/26/2021 07:55AM by summer.

Good advice that I will follow. The passive-aggressiveness and devaluing atittude do not seem to fade away. It increases and has over the past two years. A very mean but also stupid and short-sighted person are under development. Can be personality disorder or frontotemporal dementia. But like you write. Not my problem.

You are correct, it’s not your business, nor are you HER business. Set clear boundaries. She needs professional help, and again, it’s not your business to find that for her. His kids should take the lead on this, and if they don’t, it’s still not your problem. Stop answering her calls and don’t go to any functions where she is, unless she gets help.

Dr. Google isn’t a good way to diagnose ANYTHING!
Good luck. She has put you in an uncomfortable situation.

As there are many types of dementia, why are you wondering if it could be Frontotemporal, specifically?

EOD had early onset dementia but he forgot about it long ago.

It is a possibility that I see my haughty relative implode into a borderline state. There are set backs and changes in his life that are very likely causing middle age crisis trauma.