I was 20 when I got my call, having had a 6-month wait for bad behavior. My parents were not mormon, so there was no example of slavish devotion that could be imprinted on me.
As I have amply demonstrated here, I am a simpleton. When I see an equal sign, all I want is for the equation to balance, you know, on both sides of the equal sign.
And going through the temple, I could NOT get the equation to balance. No way could I make myself believe that that travesty was handed down from a deity.
It was a very nice organization back then, what with MIA and hay rides, etc., etc., and topped off by really great human beings. But it was my conclusion leaving the temple that day that it was man-made.
An then it was changed to conform to the desires of some people who filled out a survey... Yeah...
I was so intent on being the best Mormon I could be that I was willing to overlook anything. The exact opposite of EOD. Which proves what I always say that we come into this world with our own cocktail of genes from millions of ancestors, and that means we come in with certain propensities. EOD's propensity was to require things to make sense. Mine was to, I don't know, please perhaps.
By the time we made our way through the veil like some froth from an ocean wave, and I realized no angels had appeared as expected, and I had practiced disemboweling myself, and my mother had pulled a veil over her face--sitting on her side of the room, and had seen Satan had the best priesthood and the coolest apron, and, had been the one to clue God in as to what was going on even though that was Peter James and John's job. (That trio seemed to know how to "go down" but not much else.) And all this in a Dick and Jane style play, I was at a loss.
I did not question. I was very let down but I did not question. I sat in the Celestial Room on a chair in a stupor and the song I had heard on Ed Sullivan a few weeks before began playing in my head. The haunting very jaded voice of Peggy Lee tossing out the words to, "Is That All There is?"
I wish I'd have taken her advice then instead of years later:
"If that's all there is my friends, then let's keep dancing. We'll break out the booze and have a ball, If that's all . . . there is."
And then off I went off to be the best missionary I could for the One True Church. And yes. That's al there was to the temple and now there's even less.
Now. Now I need things to make sense. Don't need to please anyone.
I think the temple experience was the biggest brain disconnect of my life. It was supposed to be so very sacred, holding the truths of eternity, but once inside I couldn't get over the pillsbury dough boy outfits and seeing the actor Gordon Jump, from WKRP Cincinnati, in the movie. Are you fricken kidding me? That was supposed to be sacred? And then the throat/bowel slicing followed by being groped at the veil and finally being ushered into the celestial room by the snootiest couple in the stake (they lived in a mansion with maids who wore black and white uniforms), like they were welcoming me into their private home. I couldn't wait to get the hell out of there and drive to the nearby Doggie Diner to ponder what I had just been through.
I was so brainwashed I thought something was wrong with me because I was not spiritually blown away by the temple experience. I would not even allow myself to think that something was seriously off. Like Done & Done, I was about to embark on a mission. There was no turning back for me. I wish I had come out of the crazy Mormon trip I was on and walked away from it all instead of going through the hell that was my mission and another 10 years of church. At least I finally saw the light and got out.