Asking for sex too soon?

Some background: About 10 years ago, I used to hook up with this guy I found really attractive. We enjoyed getting together and the sex was fun but we never took it further into a serious relationship. We lost touch for a while and he got married. We chatted here and there on social media but never saw each other in person again even though we live in the same city.

Now: A little over three months ago I found out his spouse died from cancer. Apparently the illness had been lingering for a few years. It was very sad and I sent a sympathy card. He contacted me on social media to say thanks and we chatted online for a bit. In the last week, he sent me a message and we chatted again. It felt a bit flirty (although I could have been reading too much into his messages) and I was reminded of our fun times in the past. Just as we were signing off, I quickly mentioned that if he ever wanted to play again, I’d be willing. He said thanks and it was “good to know.” I added that I did not want to seem pushy but would be happy to make him feel better. He thanked me again and said I was adorable. Once I signed off I immediately felt so ridiculous. It was like trying to take advantage of a grieving widow. I’m embarrassed and regretted saying anything. So am I a jerk? Was it too soon? Should I apologize? Just don’t contact him again?? Curious to see what people think.

There's no way of telling what another person thinks or thought.

It's your decision on what U'd like with your former friend, and his for himself.

I don't think you're doing anything 'wrong' (black & white thinking, ja ja)...

Was your prior relationship mostly about sex or lots more?

my .02: Give him another few weeks, then if U still care, still like the thought of 'more', call or write again.

If your report of the conversations is accurate, you didn't "ask" for sex. You *offered* it.

I agree with this. You made the offer, either he will take you up on it or he won't. The ball is in his court.

It sounds like he appreciated the gesture, but is not yet in a place where he can even consider it. People grieve in different ways. I would let him take the lead on this.

I agree with the others. Don't do anything. He probably didn't over analyze your conversation the way you are. Plus, it sounds like he was flirting with you if he called you adorable. If he is interested he will make contact. If not he won't. If you call and try to explain yourself you will just create an awkward situation when there isn't one

Widows are fair game. Ask any Mormon. As soon as a widow becomes available, if you don't make a move someone else will. Might as well be you.

Years ago my farmer neighbor's wife died and within the next few weeks, I shared my condolences with him. He looked at me funny and said thanks.

A week later I saw him making out with a lady in his field.

Everybody takes it differently, I guess.

I don't know that it's pertinent, but every time a woman asked me for sex, it was never too soon.

*Kaboom*



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/14/2021 01:05AM by Lot's Wife.

Sex... is a pretty good remedy. I will now use my priesthood powers to endow the stippling on your ceiling to smile down upon you, as you engage in your extracurricular activities. And I give extra powers to your laundry facilities that they may clean any stains upon your undergarments following said quickie. May your insides be tickled once again, that you may smile on the morning of the first resurrection. Amen.

Thanks everyone for your advice! I’m sure I was probably over analyzing the conversation. I tend to do that. I will just leave it up to him and wait to see if he wants to contacts me. (And for context: I’m a former Mormon, he’s not connected to the church.)

Why not just text him and ask to meet for coffee or lunch.

I.E., think of it as starting to date someone and see what happens.

Good advice. He may need a friend without sexual expectations.

I know that after I lost my mom, people who could really listen to me, who could realize that I was hurting deeply, and feel genuine empathy, were invaluable. Not everyone can connect in that way, and I was acutely aware of who could, and who could not.

plz repent OPie ~



plz don't ever ask for secks ~




what's this thred about ? ~

We often confuse sex with intimacy.
You had sex before but sounds like, never had a really intimate relationship.
There is no shortage of sex. If a guy wants sex bad enough he can find it and satisfy that urge in short order and get back to work.
There is a real shortage of Intimacy, which is what most humans really desire and find tough to satisfy.
Sex often doesn’t fill the need for intimacy.
Especially now, coming out of a cold dark winter.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/14/2021 10:38PM by schrodingerscat.

Ask for sex?
(Catch-22)?

NOW is never too soon.
The future may be too late...
Because it never comes.
[Before you do]

JusSayin ;)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/18/2021 07:43PM by moremany.

To me, yes, I would consider that a bit insensitive. I don’t know if there’s anything “wrong” with it per se, but I would be taken aback by that in the same situation. But there’s no way you could have known how he would have reacted, so I wouldn’t beat yourself up about it. Some people never feel comfortable moving on, other people take some time but eventually do, and other grieving people get right back into the dating scene quickly. None of it is wrong.