Has anyone ever had regrets at all during your process of leaving? I've been slowly exiting for the past couple of years. Really picking up the pace the last couple of months. The past week or so though, i've been having feelings of regret. Like I should go back or drop it all. It is easy to get past these feelings by just thinking about what I know now and what i've found out and believe, but it still bothers me that I have the feeling of regret. Just curious if anyone has encountered the same thing.

I have the same feelings. I started my research in the church this past march and haven't been back since. I can't go back knowing the things I know.. But at the same time it would be so much easier for family reasons to just go back and live a lie.

I learned early on in my life that regrets would sabotage my ability to be a happy, content person. What is done is done, we can't change the past, it's OK (and this is so important to me), to live in the present. I can let the past go, and move on with my life and be OK with that. And, from personal experience, that is where some of the greatest peace of mind comes from.

We all do the best we know how with the information we have at the time. When we find, or receive new, better information, we are free to change our mind.

There is no right or wrong only true way to deal with making a major decision about the fundamental basis of our religious teachings.
My view? We can change our mind and have no regrets, shame, or guilt.

It's hard not to regret certain things when you've been in the organization for a long time.

I have felt regret too.

But it hasn't been attached to going back. Just to what my life would have been like if I hadn't made the choices I had while in the church.

I think it's normal to have regrets, but dwelling on them is what can be harmful.

You can't change the past, so you can feel regret and mourn it, but in the long run - your feelings may become harmful or can interfere with your life now.

However, it is still normal to feel that way.

The world became much bigger and more hospitable when I did.

Walking out was my method of choice. Young single convert thrown into an institute miles away. I look back into the fishbowl now and think, "God, what was I thinking?" It was, IMHO-IMHO-IMHO, abuse by a corportation under the guise of religion. To keep people SO busy with their nose to the grindstone, and feeling GUILTY if they didn't devote every waking moment doing something for "them", it was pure pleasure to rid myself of their demands and the hamster wheel and think for me. Once I signed up for storehouse duty, thinking I would give a few hours in the evening. It was tomato season and crates and crates of tomatoes waited for us on the dock. We started after work, around 6 p.m., peeling/cutting tomatoes. I had cuts that would sting. Then I was told we couldn't leave until the tomatoes were canned! Umm... what? My car was back at the ward miles away from home, and finally at 2:30 someone was leaving. I got a ride back to my car and then home just before 4 a.m. I had to be at work at 7! What a friggin cult!

You have the power to do whatever you want to do. Take a few weeks away from TSCC doing other things, then see if you really want to go back. It will be refreshing to think for yourself! Remember, it is your life and your choice. Do not let anyone guilt you into staying or threaten you about eternal separation with your family. They are classic tactics of a cult.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/07/2011 04:22PM by FreeRose.

My church leaders at BYU, and some of my relatives and ward members were such f***wads about it that my then spouse, TBM to the point of absurdity, ended up leaving.

When I experienced the full brunt of their jerkitude, I didn't have my heart softened, and to tell the truth, I didn't even have my feelings hurt by it all that much, which I had worried about some. I was mostly just pissed, and happy to be shed of Mormonism and the jerks it breeds.

Short answer: no regrets at all.

they stole my personal time, my time with my children (biggy) and spouse, my money, my talents and my resources. Although I am sooooo very happy to be out, I can't say that I miss them at all. I pity them...fools that the are. I a trillion CK's, I never thought I'd be out, but here I am. I don't look back. I KNOW it's a cult. I want no part of a god damn cult.

I've never had any regrets about leaving the church. The only regrets I have are for staying in it so long and giving all that money to Churchco.

I think I did have some melancholy feelings, but they certainly couldn't be deemed regret, except as you say, regret that I didn't do it years earlier. So I'm thinking that if a person is really feeling regret, maybe they should reconsider.

Not one! I got out early in life and never regreted it. I seen the judgemental,,arrogant,,clannisness,,hatefulness,,shunning,, discrimation go on as an adult. I was so glad I was not part of that. I would be ashamed to treat people that way.

The ONLY regret I have is that I can't seem to get through to my children what a cult TSCC is.

+1

Regrets?
I've had a few
but, then again, too few to mention

No, I only regretted not leaving sooner and staying for appearance sake for family.

Other life regrets? Sure who doesn't have them?

I thought as you did once but the fact that I knew it to be true will haunt your soul with every glance in the mirror. You can lie to your family and friends, but you can't lie to yourself for the rest of your life and be able to find peace.

KNOWLEDGE trumps FAITH. Once you know that the LDS Church is a fraud, nothing about FAITH in the LDS church should bother you again. Every time some TBM gets in my face about my choice, I just remind them that I didn't do this lightly and it was only after studying intently, praying intently and being true to my integrity that I had to leave the church. I have a much stronger testimony so to speak that it's a fraud being out than I ever did as a member in the church.

My mental health went thru the roof once I got this straight. No way I would ever go back and remain a 'sane' individual. Once I later studied my way out of Christianity, life really made sense suddenly once I realized that this was the only life I have to live and to make every day count. Only you can save yourself, and reason, truth and logic will bring you peace after Mormonism.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/07/2011 05:30PM by Comfortably Numb.

I have a few....joining the LDS Church is the single biggest regret in my life but I did get 4 wonderful kids out of it.

As for leaving, I regret that I did not leave the day before my baptism.

Amen to this. I regret ever agreeing to be baptized at all and raising my kids in the church. I'm so glad they're all out.

Though, to me, I didn't interpret it as regret. Being undecided made me feel like a hypocrite. Dishonest with everyone, including myself.

I struggled for a few months with it, but then I made a conscious decision to just drop it all.

I jumped.

25 years later, I have absolutely no regrets.

Good Luck!

No.
I have absolutely no guilt or regrets whatsoever. My time is my own. All those stupid Sundays I spent away from my human family or my dog I can never get back, but I can enjoy the hell out of my Sundays now. I can stay home and do whatever, or I can go see my folks or have them over. And at their ages, it is important.
Nope, no regrets. The only thing I regret is joining that cult in the first place, but what's done is done.
Susan

I don't have any regrets about leaving the church or the lies that are told but I do miss my friends. Today I was in Wally World and ran into two of my lady friends from the church. They spread their arms and said they were really glad to see me while giving me a big hug. I asked one how her boyfriend {husband} was and she gave me a grim report but he is recovering. The church wasn't mentioned and we had a nice visit.

Yes. I have doubts every day but I try not to listen to them. I miss my old comfortable and predictable life.

I left the church only about 8 months ago, and even though I know can't deny the endless facts pointing to the falsity of the church, and I know that my clear, logical-thinking mind will serve me greater happiness in life, I still sometimes encounter brief thoughts of regret. It really confuses the hell out me. These thoughts are very small, and go away after a few minutes, but I assume that I still occasionally have these thoughts because of how emotionally and spiritually ingrained the church was in my life, since birth. I was brainwashed my whole life, so now for some odd reason, thoughts of regret and shame hit me out of nowhere. It's what cults do. They are pros and manipulating one to feel regretful and sad and to want to return to them. I do my best to push these thoughts aside and to really question why I left in the first place. Then it goes away, and I go back to living my real life, not a life controlled by a completely bogus religion.

"""RIP THE BAND-AID OFF --SURE IT WILL HURT --BUT THE PAIN QUICKLY SUBSIDES"""

Cold turkey is the only way to go , unless you have family ties in the church. Because the church is stuck to you and your money with years of indoctrination and guilt feelings ..

Your choice, however not acting on your beliefs will cause you no end of anxiety. BE TRUE TO YOURSELF..

JB

12 years ago, when my oldest was not yet baptized, was one of the two or three things I've done in my life that I'm the most proud of. What an absolute joy to live an honest and free life.

You can pretend. You can long for your state of ignorance but the truth is there. Your life will be more sad and miserable if you do not accept where you now stand. Be proud of what you have come to understand. Laugh at past beliefs and foibles but your happiness comes from looking and moving forward. Depression comes from playing in the crap from the past. Life is what it is. Find something to smile and cheer about. JMHO



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/07/2011 10:29PM by dane.

finding out the truth hurt so badly that I initially wished I had never asked those questions. After I got over the shock and got on with my new life, my only lingering regret is that I didn't make the jump sooner.

I have no regrets. It wasn't as fun or meaningful as you remember.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/08/2011 12:37AM by suckafoo.

Regrets are to be expected, actually. Remember Stockholm Syndrome? Even victims of kidnappings identified with their captures over time. It was a survival tactic initiated by their subconscious.

Your true self was hijacked and you were told to be this "righteous mother/priesthood holder (notice not "father") in Zion. They slowly pried you from your family, which were deserving of your complete and undivided loyalty, and inserted themselves between you.

That wedge becomes obvious when one person discovers the truth. This is when evil is truly unmasked, when you see the real face of tyranny and exploitation.

You have been institutionally abused, but you got used to it. you miss the familiarity. You will get over it as you grow as a person and become unstunted.

This is the real meaning of being "born again"--enjoy it!

Anagrammy

where the victim gets more pissed off over time and the more time goes on they really wants to choke the living shit out of their abuser. THATS the syndrome I am talking about.

It was comforting at first to finally have certainty about the "mysteries" of the universe. There's no mystery in a heirarchy of male power, as Brigham and Joseph always said, these mysteries can be laid out for you (by them only) plain and simple so even the most dull among you can understand.

I truly believed and felt that I would be honored by my posterity for being the first Mormon, kind of like a family pioneer. I bought the whole package hook, line and sinker. It was simpler to just attend the meetings, punch the clock, get the plastic card with the CK checked "with children" and focus my attention on cooking and cleaning.

It is much harder, and much more rewarding, to have to figure my own life lessons out based on the clues my own psyche tosses up. To work out my own plan of salvation from my ego, to make my own connection with God, the Universe, or whatever. To be FREE to explore what great minds have thought before. To attach some value to the beliefs of others--these are all part of the life we were meant to live and which was hidden from us.

Does the owner of a business sometimes wish he were just an employee? Sure. But it doesn't last long.

Anagrammy

Sometimes. Actually this is really embarrassing, but my TBM friends talk about the "end of days" a lot, and every time for a split-split second I think "OH NO I'm not on the good list!" Then I remember everything's ok and zone out during another conversation about the end of days.

I left when I was 18 or 19. I remember some significant guilt and fear. Regret? Perhaps. But I'm in my 30's now, and I will say this...I made some pretty stupid choices at that time in my life, but no choice has ever served me better than leaving that church. I continue, even to this day, to be grateful I made that choice.

Yep, I regret returning to church after being inactive for 15 years and then learning that it's a lie. Also regret bringing my niece into the cult.