Thinking it will boost your future or current husbands ego?
As a child I remember thinking how horribly screwed up it must be to be a woman in the church, (polygamy, no women in authority positions, etc etc) that most of them must be atheists that go along with it with the thought that it will inflate their husbands ego so he will be more successful at his career so they will make more money and have a larger house.
See, I didn't know to call it "misogyny." I thought it was just the way it was.
And I didn't WANT to hold the priesthood, if it involved giving a priesthood blessing, and what if the person I was giving the blessing to didn't get better, and then they died, and then it would be all my fault.
Nope, not doing it.
Most of the LDS adults I dealt with were women -- SS teachers, MIA teachers, et cetera. I didn't even think of the men having all the authority. Having authority just meant more work and who wants that?
In fact, the way I saw it, LDS women had it made. You've heard of salvation by Grace and Salvation by works.
Well in Mormonland, it was salvation by Marriage.
All you had to do was find a worthy PH holder and get him to propose and bingo, you were home free.
It was the getting him to propose that was the problem.
Oh, for the days of polygamy when the worthy PH holder could be someone who was already married. Then you just tagged along with a family who was already going to the CK, and now you would get to go to. Whoopee. It would be a done deal.
So yeah, I went along with misogyny because I didn't even know what it was.
Me too. When I was in the TBM bubble it all seemed perfectly normal. Now when I think back on my time in the church, I remember how being second class citizens affected the psychology of the women. They might look like Stepford wives, but their gossip and backbiting and control issues suggest otherwise.
loislane Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > See, I didn't know to call it "misogyny." I > thought it was just the way it was.
. . .
> So yeah, I went along with misogyny because I > didn't even know what it was.
Yep. Little kids do what they are told. They don't know enough to challenge what they are taught by their parents and teachers.
Looking back, all I can think is “where was my brain?” But it’s all I knew. It was so frustrating, especially with an over-the-top misogynistic patriarchal father who couldn’t give a rat’s patoot whether his daughters accomplished anything other than finding a husband and giving him grandkids. But I never could stand up for myself and pursue my own goals. Not until I left the cult. It was just they way things were.
Mary Wollstonecraft. Sojourner Truth. Elizabeth Cady Stanton. Susan Brownell Anthony. Emmeline Pankhurst. Simone de Beauvoir. Betty Friedan. Gloria Steinem.
Smart, courageous women. Great women who fought for equality and made concrete change happen. And, who got a lot of back up from a lot of men. Meanwhile, as the world adapted to more equality, the Mormon women contributed to keeping the Mormon system in place. I watched it. Women can be misogynistic just as some gay men can be homophobic. For many, it was more than just "going along." Was it just playing the hand you were dealt? Don't tell me Wendy doesn't relish her role as Judas Goat. Judas Nanny? haha, but not.
The difference between the great feminist women and the Mormons is God: The great invisible excuse for all bad behavior by men and women.
I could not count the times I heard my mother joke about how she was NOT subservient. Laughed at the very idea. She protested too much. Then in the temple I watched her pull a veil over her face and bow her head and say yes to the men.
To answer your question . . . any woman who has been to the temple participated in the misogyny----liking it or not.
I have great empathy for those caught in the system, but at some point, the indoctrination is self administered. Hat's off to those here who bucked the system.
My ex-wife tried playing both the LDS womanhood and feminist misogyny points depending which was in her favour at the moment.
If she didn't want to do whatever needed to be done, then she was more than content for that to be a "priesthood responsibility." But if she ever wanted her wishes to be done, then out came the Women's Center pamphlets.
LDS sisters have these options - and don't anybody forget it.
When I grew old enough to know what was what reg. males and females, I realized on my own that women had just as much power and right to pray for one's self, or others, without the need of a male to do it for me.
This reality came to me when I realized that God--if there was one (and I believe He exists), would not discriminate in terms of males and females, nor color, nor religious beliefs. People are who they are, and (IMO), will be able to judge themselves when and if this happens after death.
In most(?) cases, I think the majority of people are decent to others, "even as they treat others as they would like to be treated". Of course their are always clinkers, also, but that's their worry, not mine.
and they limited me. I was too afraid to tell anyone for months after I found out my boyfriend was gay. So I was limited to talking to leaders. I'd never been someone who looked to leaders before for help. I think without the childhood I had and the mormon men I knew at Thiokol, who were NOT misogynists, I don't know if I would have survived what I went through.
My dad was not your typical mormon man in any sense and he was the boss in the house, but he taught us to THINK. If I had gone to him about the situation, I would have had SOME ANSWERS, but they told me not to. I NEVER EVER liked the idea I had to talk to a leader to get answers (before) and since. I had someone tell me that I needed priesthood in the home after my husband left and I was like, "UMMM! We're just fine." I refused to have home teachers any longer. The only reason I wanted a man around is I had fears about being a single woman with 2 kids in a house alone. I've always appreciated having a man around for certain reasons and that is one. But not to boss me around.
But I fell right into their trap when I found out he is gay. I was such a huge mess and they used me as their lab rat. They showed me that my value was much less than the priesthood holder I was dating or maybe marrying. Sacrifice the woman for the man. My dad was FURIOUS--beyond FURIOUS when he found out.
This is one of the problems with a lay ministry. I imagine that some LDS leaders with relevant non-church training would counsel you to do what was best for you. Other leaders, like the ones discussed here, deal with problems by pretending like they don't exist. It's also abusive to counsel someone to not go to a trusted parent for help.