Just wanted everyone to know that the doc gave me on the outside 3-4 months more. The cancer has gone to my brain stem. Exactly: "Leptomeningeal metastatic disease predominantly overlying the brainstem and cerebellar hemispheres."

Damn! What is it with cancer in the brain and the women in my family? I know it's different, but my grandmother, her granddaughter (my cousin) and cousin's baby daughter all died of glioblastoma multiforme.

Anyway folks, it has been wonderful knowing you, laughing with you, crying with you and growing in wisdom with you. You all have a special place in my heart.

I don't know that I'll be on a lot, because, well, you know. But, I'll try to step in when I can.

Peace be unto you.
Heidi GWOTR Newbold

I've enjoyed reading your posts.

I can be a real sentimentalist, and I don't like it that 'bad' things happen to good people. But I accept that they do...along with really good things happening to bad people.


Life: the crapshoot.

Life: Nobody gets out alive.


I think you are very brave to just state simple facts.

I know that I am taking some time to reflect on my life right now, and, yes, there are things that in retrospect, I wish I'd done them differently, but there are things that happened because that's who I was then, and now. But as I do this, I'm facing no known deadlines. Is it different from your perspective?


I offer you my respect and my envy for your awesome equanimity.

I am so sorry, Heidi. You have been great here and, I am sure, have also been a blessing (the real kind) to many in the real world, where it matters. I hope that when my time comes I can face it with the same courage and grace.

LW

Heidi: What EOD & LW said. I couldn't say better.

I love that you are on my Lilac thread and share my passion for the scent. This comment you left made me laugh:

"I found a good one. I use it for my bath and as a perfume. Just remember that it is "lilac safe". No little lilacs gave their life for it."

"No little lilacs gave their life" - sweet and charming. Thank you.

And yes, the family history you outline is most unfortunate. I'm so sorry.

I've enjoyed reading your posts, Heidi. I'll miss you. Always thoughtful and kind.

I hope and trust that you will receive the best of care and all that you need in the coming months. And hope we continue to see you around here as long as possible. I'll be thinking of you.

PS: Even your thread title is thought-provoking and gracious. Reflects much about you.

PS 2: When you can shed tears for a stranger in cyberspace, that too says a whole lot of good about how they (you) have interacted here, Heidi. You leave us with good memories.



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 05/27/2021 07:01PM by Nightingale.

I am so sorry Heidi. You have always been a major contributor here helping others and expressing yourself so well. I wished it were better news. Thanks for your posts over the years. Please continue to write as you can.

I am so sorry Heidi.

Oh, Heidi, I am so sorry.

I have read your posts for so long now, and I will miss them.

I wish you the smoothest and easiest journey possible, and I will be thinking of you, and sending you good energies, all the way.

Thank you for being such a consistently positive part of this community.

We will all miss your presence here.

Vaya con Dios (or any alternative of your choosing), and know that we care.

Heidi, I will miss you. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us over time. I love your handle, GWOTR—-Good Witch of The Rockies. That always put a smile on my face.

May these coming weeks be peaceful for you. We love you.

You've given us so much here. You had different views for us to consider. Thank you for caring about us enough to share. Know you made a difference. Life is fleeting and uncertain. Please take care of yourself the best you can.

Heidi, I'm so sorry. I've appreciated your posts over the years. I hope that you are able to find comfort over the next few months.

So sorry to read this this morning.

Don’t think you must go gently, Heidi. You may rage, if you like:

Actor Michael Sheen performs Dylan Thomas’s famous poem:

https://youtu.be/w-sM-t1KI_Y

Every single one of us here will follow you into that good night...and I believe it *is* good.


My hope for you is that Death will be civil with you, as you very well deserve:

Because I could not stop for Death –
He kindly stopped for me –
The Carriage held but just Ourselves –
And Immortality.

We slowly drove – He knew no haste
And I had put away
My labor and my leisure too,
For His Civility –

We passed the School, where Children strove
At Recess – in the Ring –
We passed the Fields of Gazing Grain –
We passed the Setting Sun –

Or rather – He passed us –
The Dews drew quivering and chill –
For only Gossamer, my Gown –
My Tippet – only Tulle –

We paused before a House that seemed
A Swelling of the Ground –
The Roof was scarcely visible –
The Cornice – in the Ground –

Since then – ‘tis Centuries – and yet
Feels shorter than the Day
I first surmised the Horses’ Heads
Were toward Eternity –

—Emily Dickinson—

Goodnight, Heidi.

Human

Thanks, Heidi, for your humanity - and for your witching ;-).

It's been an honour to "know" you via the board. The Rockies will miss you.

Love and best wishes

Tom in Paris

Hope you like this poem I wrote for you. You liked another one I posted long ago.

Denouement of a Witch

To put an indication, a mark
Upon this spinning ball,
Like a monarch in a mighty hall
Rumbling, humbling, stumbling,
Through the company, fraternity
Of life.

You are leaving this place a little
Nobler than when you were born to it.

You come as a witch in this ever greenery,
Through a forest of stares
To be placed in a position to honor
At last in the procession of life
And take up a proposition of being
Beyond it.

All the darkest corners of your mind
And deepest concerns lift from you
Heavenward, careworn, and calm,
Your growing wings budding out
From those shoulders weary
Of bearing the weight of working
The ways of divining
Love.

Like an juvenile bird feels
With wings unclipped
From constantly dragging through
The drafty halls of heavy feelings,
You finally found finality,
A peace of a plant
Brewed to the dregs of fortune
Telling you incantations
And calling you skyward.

Finally, unstringing your wings
From those worrisome beads
Of earth, sweat and tears
You will fly after your denouement.

A good witch unfettered by life's sorrows
Is an angel in a heavenly hollow.

I wish you the best.

I enjoyed reading your posts here at RFM.

I read your post on Facebook last night...

It's been quite a season of loss for me, personally, over the past year, so I wasn't quite sure what to say. I have always enjoyed your posts, though, and I am so sorry to read that you've been given such devastating news about your health and life expectancy. I wish you the very best... and the easiest and most gentle transition into whatever comes next.

Peace be with you.

Hang around when you can. I've wondered as I've seen you post over time how things were going. I'm sorry it has come to this. I hope the doctors are able to give you the care you need at this time.

I'm sorry.

I liked your posts.

Peace be unto you too.

Hugs and kisses, Heidi.

Take care and know that hundreds are thinking of you every day.

Yes, hundreds.

Plus one.

BcE

May transition be a triumph.

Thank you for all the riches you have shared with us over the years.

Lots of love from the whiskered one.

No words that are adequate, anyway. I hope your remaining time will be as peaceful and as painless as possible.

I have learned so much from over the years - you will be missed.

Heidi,
Live until you cannot, in serenity.

Oh that's rough. I found out on Sunday that one of my cousins has less than a year left. I hope this goes as well as it can for you and her. Peace be unto you also.

I'm so berry sorry to read this. You have been a fixture, I think, of my entire exit from the church. May peace be with you and your family.

I wish you love and peace as you travel this journey Heidi. I’ve enjoyed your thoughtful posts here and I’ll keep you in my thoughts.

I missed this thread yesterday because I had no idea what "denouement" meant. I later saw a reference to "first, Heidi, now this.." or words to that effect in another thread, and I'm like "what??"

Heck of a way for me to learn a new word, but I won't forget it, and whenever it pops up in my consciousness in the future, there will be a Heidi GWOTR meme tagging along.


Thank you for letting us know. That can be difficult for people. The person who introduced me to RFM (Preston Bissell, a name some of the real old-timers here will recognize) died of gliobastoma multiforme, and in fact I know four people who died of that, which makes it the number one cause of death of people I actually know personally.

One who I never actually met, but read so much deeply personal writing about that I feel like we'd known each other for years, was Carol Hofstadter, wife of Douglas Hofstadter, a computer scientist and general polymath who shows up in discussions here now and then.

Doug writes about her in "Le Ton beau de Marot", a book she was excited about and had helped him write. The very first words in the book are "In joy and in sorrow...". It is essentially a 20 page dedication to Carol, who had inspired many of the ideas in the book. It is, incidentally, 600 pages on the joys and pitfalls of translating poetry between languages. Marot, in the title, is a 16th century French poet, and the armature that the book is built around is several dozen of Hofstadter's friends translating the poem into English. They are wildly different, and bring up interesting questions on what exactly is the essence of poetry.

A few years later he wrote "I Am a Strange Loop". 400 pages on the nature of consciousness, where he makes the case that consciousness is at least partly software, and not just the hardware of our bodies, and that at least some of that software gets transferred to people who know and love us. He makes the case that that software "copy" of us can be run in emulation mode in the other person's brain, and that not just metaphorically, but literally, a part of us lives in that other person, and continues there after we are gone. He relates this in personal terms to his wife Carol.

My favorite Hofstadter book is Le Ton Beau. Languages and translation fascinates me. But "I Am a Strange Loop" may offer a perspective that you or those in your life may find particularly relevant at this juncture.


Long-winded exposition is not the norm for threads like this, so I apologize for that. Usually I feel helpless and can only offer condolence and appreciation, This time, because of my personal experiences with that disease with the ugly name, I felt I had something to pass along that just might possibly be useful.


You must have explained what GWOTR stands for, but I missed it. I always read it as "Girl WithOut Temple Recommend". Hey, what else does TR mean here? I have always enjoyed your posts. Continue to write as you can, and we'll keep the light on. Shalom.

See Kathleen's post above.

I really enjoyed my interaction with Preston Bissel on the board here. I had his father for a couple of classes at BYU and it was great to connect with Preston. A really good guy.

This really sucks. Since you posted I have been thinking of the perfect thing to say and there just isn't one. Thank you for being such a great contributor here. Your insights and viewpoints have certainly added to the forum and our lives. Know you have made a difference. I will think of you when I look at the stars.

Blessed be.

You have been around here a long time Heidi and seeing your user name on threads always brought a smile to my face. Today I have that smile...but also a tear. I too hope to have your courage and grace when it is my time to say goodbye.

Thanks for being here for us.

I wish you as good and pain-free last few months as is possible, dear Heidi. It is brave of you to share this with us but it makes me realize how much we long-timers have become like family. Thank you for all your input and wisdom you've shared. Keeping you in my thoughts.

Besides, doctors don't know everything.
(The good ones know they know nothing.)

If do transition, have to let us all know what is on the other side.

Deal?

Heidi,

Like Susan I/S, I was trying to think of the perfect thing to say: something that would comfort and be memorable and provide deserved thanks for all your contributions to the community.

Sadly, I just don't have the words. And the tears in my eyes make it hard to type.

Thank you for everything.
I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. It's horrible. It sucks.
Know that there are people here who care about you and are grieving.

We'll miss you.

CZ

Just writing, Heidi, to say that I hope you are doing well. The news cast a shadow over my life and I have no idea how much worse it must be for you and your family.

With respect and affection,

LW