Date: May 31, 2021 01:21AM
When I read your posts about your father I am usually left sitting here shaking my head and rolling my eyes...because your experiences are so very similar to mine with my father. Often I am like, "Yeah, I could see my father saying/doing that."
My father was a very wealthy man. He gave "above and beyond" to the church, civic organizations, and strangers. If you were family...well...you had a better chance of receiving help if you were a stranger. My mother was given a measly monthly "allowance" for groceries, clothes for the kids, maintaining the household, etc. He didn't feel that she should have access to additional cash because, hey...she didn't bring any cash into the household. He felt that anything given to family members would be unappreciated.
Because of the way he was, it taught me to be self-sufficient. I watched though as he got off on making my mother and other family members grovel and beg. There was one time I did approach him for help. I had provided a tremendous investment business opportunity for him. My part was to work and operate the business. Often I would defer my paychecks to keep more cash flow in the business. I had around $50,000 in deferred cash and one day I needed around $10,000. When I asked him for it, he grilled me, insulted me, and dragged me over the coals. I was made to beg, cry, and plead for MY MONEY. As he handed me a check he said, "I hope there is enough money in the account to cover that." When he left to go to the bathroom I peeked at the checkbook. There was over $400,000 in the account. When he returned he asked if I would like to go out to dinner with him. I noped out of that...I had lost my appetite.
BONUS "sentimental memory" - As I was preparing to drive away from my house to BYU for my freshman year (Fall 1975), my father flagged me down. As I rolled down my car window I was imagining him wanting to say something like, "Good luck at school" or "I'm proud of you" or "Take care, I love you." Nope, not quite. The Pearl of Wisdom he had for me was, "Just remember, you can't get VD from a toilet seat." Uhhhhhhh...O.K.
My mother "endured to the end" with my father because she believed that in the hereafter Elohim would reward her with a new mate for the eternities. I told her that I didn't think Celestial Love Connection was a doctrine, but she was sure it was. I don't believe in a hereafter (too bad mom), but if there were, Don...I don't believe our fathers are looking down on us. They're looking up.