My dad in 1973: "I can't give you any lunch money with Jesus coming. The church needs building funds, because there's so little time. That's why I can't give you any allowance, either. And I want you to stop hanging with the poverty kids. You come from a better home."

Dad's dead, and I'm grateful for that. At last, he gets just as much nothing as he gave me.

Sincere empathy from me, Don.

I am so sorry this happened to you.

Don,

When I read your posts about your father I am usually left sitting here shaking my head and rolling my eyes...because your experiences are so very similar to mine with my father. Often I am like, "Yeah, I could see my father saying/doing that."

My father was a very wealthy man. He gave "above and beyond" to the church, civic organizations, and strangers. If you were family...well...you had a better chance of receiving help if you were a stranger. My mother was given a measly monthly "allowance" for groceries, clothes for the kids, maintaining the household, etc. He didn't feel that she should have access to additional cash because, hey...she didn't bring any cash into the household. He felt that anything given to family members would be unappreciated.

Because of the way he was, it taught me to be self-sufficient. I watched though as he got off on making my mother and other family members grovel and beg. There was one time I did approach him for help. I had provided a tremendous investment business opportunity for him. My part was to work and operate the business. Often I would defer my paychecks to keep more cash flow in the business. I had around $50,000 in deferred cash and one day I needed around $10,000. When I asked him for it, he grilled me, insulted me, and dragged me over the coals. I was made to beg, cry, and plead for MY MONEY. As he handed me a check he said, "I hope there is enough money in the account to cover that." When he left to go to the bathroom I peeked at the checkbook. There was over $400,000 in the account. When he returned he asked if I would like to go out to dinner with him. I noped out of that...I had lost my appetite.



BONUS "sentimental memory" - As I was preparing to drive away from my house to BYU for my freshman year (Fall 1975), my father flagged me down. As I rolled down my car window I was imagining him wanting to say something like, "Good luck at school" or "I'm proud of you" or "Take care, I love you." Nope, not quite. The Pearl of Wisdom he had for me was, "Just remember, you can't get VD from a toilet seat." Uhhhhhhh...O.K.

My mother "endured to the end" with my father because she believed that in the hereafter Elohim would reward her with a new mate for the eternities. I told her that I didn't think Celestial Love Connection was a doctrine, but she was sure it was. I don't believe in a hereafter (too bad mom), but if there were, Don...I don't believe our fathers are looking down on us. They're looking up.

I recognize all of that. And it's the reason I don't listen to Mormons who say, "well, that was your father. Mormon men aren't like that."

I know exactly what Mormon men are like.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/02/2021 09:51PM by donbagley.

Dang. My parents were mormonn (and raised me as such), but converts and not-that-much-mormon. In other words, they weren't die hard. I'm grateful for that.

Alzheimers is a horror and a nightmare, but, if they ever manage to develop a Selective version of that disease, could be beneficial in aiding us to forget a few things we would rather not have pop up unexpectedly.

Sorry this type of hurtful memory is still there for you, Don. The past seems to dredge it's own self up now and then without permission.

Breaks it apart-

Pits it AGAINST ITSELF!

Sets it on the path to self destruction, self-deception and certain self-isolation through fake farmed families frisked of further financial futures- fed fraudulent forecasts of fierce floods for fear of finding food and funding faith.

We couldn't have anything, eat anything, do anything or go anywhere TO GIVE MONEY - we didn't have - TO THE MORMON 'CHURCH', to Go To TMC, to Save For LDS TTs, etc., etc., etc.

EVERYTHING was for TMC

NOTHING was for US.

Great guy, your dad!

I cannot imagine the abuse you suffered at his hands, Don.