It's been a few years since I left the mormon church even though I never bothered turning in the resignation letter, I don't really consider myself a member anymore. I haven't thought much about it in years except to hide my rather extensive liquor selection when my mother comes over for a visit.

Honestly I've thought a lot lately about it as my fiancee kept bringing up religious topics, I thought back on mormonism and my experiences in it, the bittersweet tint of some memories and the soul crushing ones too. I've honestly felt kind of sullen about it lately, depressed, and drained which quite frankly I thought I was over it, I hadn't even thought about the mormon church in years but that same sense of purpose-loss and sadness is sinking in again. Has this happened to you before? I guess I just needed somewhere to express where it is understood.

I am a nevermo, so I am lacking words of insight and wisdom on ex-Mormonism, but reading your post, I do want to point out that if your fiancee keeps "bringing up religious topics," I would pay careful attention to her concerns--and take into careful consideration what this might mean for your joint futures together.

Regardless of where YOU are in your personal religious beliefs and practices, and regardless of where SHE is in her personal religious beliefs and practices, make certain that you are both compatible with each other on this subject before you marry.

After marriage, religion can very quickly become intensely important if the two of you are fundamentally and mutually incompatible on this level.

If children are in your joint futures, multiply this importance by a considerable amount.

If religion is important to her, but not important to you, this can quickly become an overwhelming factor in your relationship with each other.

You and your fiancee have my best wishes for your joint future happiness.

Just, please, be wise.

I absolutely agree.

Oh she is a nevermo, she has been bringing up how frigging crazy mormonism is/feels to her because my mother kept talking to her about it the other day. Sorry I wrote that early in the morning so I didn't quite think it through!

The Mormon church had a bigger impact on many of us than was immediately apparent. When I realized the lie, I was elated and hit the ground running. I was more likely to roll my eyes than feel anything deep. Felt more like throwing some spoiled food out of the fridge at the time. Oh well . . . Whatever. Hardly gave the church a thought except when it came to dealing with the super Mormon parents.

For me the surfacing of the deep turmoil from the indoctrination happened decades later. I had only buried Mormonism's legacy deep down and had never processed. If you were BIC, chances are they got in perniciously deep, more than you recognized, and may be time to unpack and sort. They permeated. You may need to excavate.

Don't avoid the conversations with your partner or any other channel you have to really examine.

I was still unaware I had buried so much all the way to China when a distant cousin who had left the church as well asked if I would send them my exit story. By the time I stopped typing I had 666 pages. That was my lucky number. I came from an extremely TBM family and what finally came out was a volcano.

Your mileage may vary.

Honestly this feels very true to what I'm feeling at the moment. I did have some rough times right AFTER I left but it quickly faded after 6 months or so of feeling it. My heavily mormon grandmother was also sick/dying at the time and despite the religious differences she and I were very close.

Lately I've been thinking about it more and more and I realized so many things in my life even to this point are still effected by this. I still feel an undercurrent of shame about my life choices, sometimes I'll still feel a twinge of guilt for drinking some coffee which is just weird...no where else in the world would someone even have an inkling to feel guilty over buying coffee. I really didn't realize how badly this effects me or how different my mindset was from other people,

Lots of "experts" have a lot to say about the storied "Formative Years." Many say that is 0 to 8 and others go a little higher.

I found this one that expresses the general idea, which I personally find disconcerting.

"They say children make up their mind about whether they believe in God or not by the time they’re 12 years old. They’re usually quite clear about their sexual identity and orientation by that age too according to some studies. They don’t always know exactly what it is they’re feeling; they can’t always verbalize it, but sub-consciously, for most children, those beliefs are formed and set in stone for the rest of their lives from this point on."

If Mormonism was set in stone for in your young mind, that means even when reason takes over, and you intellectually realized that you do not accept it and choose not to be part, the set in stone part is still there and needs a sledge hammer taken to it.

Any recovering Mormon definitely needs therapy. Now to find a judge who will hand the therapist’s bill to the church, where it belongs.

This is so very true for me. As soon as Mormonism starts to fade from my consciousness, something shocks it to the surface...

The last one has been my parents and their apocalyptic, gloomy Mormon world view. This pandemic has convinced them that the second coming is nigh, and the only answer to the world's problems starts with, you guessed it, going back to church.

I lost my temper and yelled, YELLED, at them the other day. I'm not proud of it...

“Sometimes there aren’t enough rocks” - Forrest Gump

Don't be hard on yourself. Just because they think they are acting out of love does not make their pushing an less grating.

My mother informed me I would be in the CK with her as I was sealed to her. It was all I could do not to respond, "Is that a threat?" Sometimes you have to find the humor.

“what finally came out was a volcano”

Were the thetans trapped then? Oh wait, sorry. Sometimes I get my cults confused.

Ha!

It took me a long time to see that the Mormon church creates dependance by tearing members down and then making them believe the only way to be whole again is through obedience to and dependence on the Mormon church. It's a cycle of mental abuse that is difficult to break free of.

I recently spent time with a wonderful TBM woman with dementia. She repeatedly said to me: "I'm a bad person." I was so shocked when she first said it because I used to say the same thing to myself when I was TBM. I was conditioned to think I was bad even though I was not.

Why did the Mormon church want me to always feel bad about myself? Think about it. It seems to me that it is much easier to control a person by tearing them down and then making them believe the only way they can be whole again is by obedience to the organization tearing them down. They create the illness and then provide the cure.

You are still feeling the negative effects from years of mental abuse from the Mormon church. Although there are many wonderful people who are members, the organization is manipulative and, I think, evil. It makes the Mormon experience so much more difficult to process.

I don't know how to rid the negative effects from years of being an active Mormon. The best thing to do is live in the moment and not look back. Build a good life and be happy.

exmo therapist. I don't have to go see him as much as I used to, but it is still nice to have him there. He is 60 and so I worry about when he isn't there!!! I could not have made it to this point without him. I have PTSD and I have triggers.

I definitely didn't hit the ground running when I left mormonism. It took me 23 years to figure everything out as far as my gay/straight marriage and how they handled us before we married and him leaving and the hellish life that ensued.

My daughter is TBM. Most of my family is out. My boyfriend is not mormon. My son isn't. My husband is not mormon. I have a lot of people I can talk to about it and when I have something trigger me like my daughter's temple marriage, then it helps to have this board and especially my therapist.

I will forever be impacted by my life in mormonism.

Oh, I have some guys I worked with years ago who are my dear friends. They are all mormon men in their 70s and 80s and they still are very supportive of me. Nicest people I ever met and have helped me a lot in my life. I told one of them recently, "All I wanted was someone like one of you guys. Was that too much ask?" Was it? Absolutely not.

It took me about 8 years to really get over it. Lots of posting here too. I think the process unfolds in its own time. The magnitude of the betrayal is too much to handle all at once, so your mind breaks it up into pieces you can handle. When you’re done processing one part, the next one appears on your plate.

Don’t be depressed. It’s okay to be angry, and you should be. Even Jesus got angry. The sacrilege that set Him off is nothing compared to what the church does. I feel so bad for you. You were always good enough, even at your worst. That’s what love means. There’s nothing to prove. Ever.

Anyway, it does end. Or so I think, but I do have death as a backstop.